SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Wayward Side

TX1995 posted 11/22/2018 13:02 PM

I’m a SAHM too. We just built a house and had contractors in and out constantly. I am home all of the time. I would NEVER shower with someone here.

Here’s the thing. Beyond infidelity, I would be uncomfortable as a man, being ALONE in an employer’s house with a woman who is showering. Period. Just as a CYA thing.

I’d say just to be aware. If a person you work for goes to shower, leave. Then respond with a text/call saying that you left bc you didn’t feel comfortable with the situation. If this lady does it again, tell her that you don’t feel comfortable with that. As a woman, I wouldn’t think that odd. I would be pissed as a ZbS or even prior to that, of a woman showered with my husband in the house - and left the door open!!! If they have no other choice, lock the dang door!

swmnbc posted 11/22/2018 14:33 PM

If someone who was working in my house told me that I "violated his boundary" by showering in my own home, I would be offended. Showering is a normal human function and she has every right to do it in her own home at a time that suits her. It's not her responsibility to make sure that you don't think about having sex with her.

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt that she forgot to close the bedroom door. I bet the bathroom door was closed and locked. If she starts following you around the house wearing nothing but a bathrobe, OK, then I'll change my response.

By hiring you, she is placing her trust in you. She expects you to be a professional who won't think untoward thoughts about the home's residents even if they need to take a shower while you are there.

Honestly, the "you violated my boundary" speech would result in the very least in a tense relationship until the job was finished, and then no further work with that person. More likely, we'd end the relationship early and tell our friends why.

sassylee posted 11/22/2018 15:26 PM

I feel the same as swnbc. If you take Bigger’s example with a recovering alcoholic and combine it with swmnbc’s - it would be like my hiring a contractor who’s an alcoholic in AA saying I can’t drink in my bedroom while he’s there working.

That’s not to say I disagree with Zug - he makes valid points about protecting yourself from a false sexual harassment/assault claim. As a teacher, I don’t enter change rooms or bathrooms with children unless I have a witness there to back me up should a child make an accusation. It’s all about protecting my career and freedom.

Notmine posted 11/25/2018 13:40 PM

You cannot control anyone else's behavior, only yours. It is up to you to react appropriately - even if she does not. You did the right thing by telling BS. My WH is a contractor who cheated with a client. She was pretty obvious about trying to seduce him. He says that theoretically, your client should be able to shower in her own house. If the bathroom AND the bedroom door were open, it is an issue. If not, ignore this one time or set the boundary by saying that it is your policy that you do not work in the home if a female is showering if only you and she are on the property. Let her know that if she needs to shower, you can go to lunch, go out and get materials, etc. This should not offend her considering the climate we live in now.

DevastatedDee posted 11/26/2018 15:42 PM

I agree with swmnbc. It would weird me out to no end if I thought a contractor working on my home had such concerns about my naked body in the shower behind a bathroom door that I couldn't shower with him present. That would scare me. No, I probably wouldn't shower with a contractor there, but what if she had to be somewhere and she expected to have time after you left to shower and didn't? What if she was just washing the dog or handwashing delicates in the bathroom and not actually showering? Either way, the idea that someone couldn't deal with me showering in my own home without it having a sexual connotation would have me locking the doors and hiring someone else.

As a woman who has been a single mom most of her life and therefore on my own handling all contractor/repair people, I would like to think that I can be female and take care of my house without it being a sexual situation. I'm a person, not just boobs and sex organs. I had a guy come over to repair my A/C unit a couple of months ago and while I didn't shower, I'm pretty sure I peed at some point, thereby having exposed body parts behind a closed door. Matter of fact, he used my bathroom as well and not once did I think of his penis.

Your boundary should not be about whether or not a female client takes a shower under the same roof in which you're working. Your boundary should be more along the lines of even if that is happening, you won't presume it's a come-on and take advantage of it.