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My wife started counseling last Wednesday and her counselor said something that concerned me. She explained the affair and that she was carrying a lot of guilt for lying, cheating, and deceiving me, so she's been answering all of my questions honestly. The counselor told her "You know you don't have to answer any questions if you don't want to?"

Okay, fine. She's right. My wife doesn't have to answer any questions at all if she doesn't want to. Only if she wants to rebuild trust and salvage her marriage. What kind of advice is that?

To my wife's credit she told her counselor that she wants to answer my questions as a show of good faith and rebuild trust, but I'm not sure how to take this counselor now.

Dang! Kuddos to your wife!

I guess the counselor is technically right, if not reconciling is the aim. Your wife was spot on, and I hope the therapist grasps the direction your wife and you have chosen to take together. If not, there are plenty of fish (therapist) in the sea.

Asterisk.

Okay, fine. She's right. My wife doesn't have to answer any questions at all if she doesn't want to. Only if she wants to rebuild trust and salvage her marriage.

Exactly right. She doesn't have to, but you don't have to stick around if she does. I'd be worried too, but you are getting this second hand. There may have been qualifiers around that.

New IC in my humble estimation.

You need someone who has a little compassion for the partner who was hurt by all of the actions of the WS.

Pretty clear to me the IC who experienced betrayal, those who have never had to deal with it and those IC who are former WS, based on the how well they understand the pain of the BS.

An IC's mission is to advocate for you, to be on your side. He/she should not take the client's spouse into consideration when giving "advice". I do not see an issue with what the IC said

Now, had the IC said you shouldn't answer any questions or you shouldn't tell your husband everything, that would be an issue

An IC's mission is to advocate for you, to be on your side. He/she should not take the client's spouse into consideration when giving "advice". I do not see an issue with what the IC said

Now, had the IC said you shouldn't answer any questions or you shouldn't tell your husband everything, that would be an issue

Okay, I like this framing. That makes some sense. And no, she did not tell my wife that she shouldn't do those things. Just that she didn't have to. There was no pushback when my wife said she wanted to answer my questions honestly. In fact I think she indicated that was a good thing.

Exactly right. She doesn't have to, but you don't have to stick around if she does. I'd be worried too, but you are getting this second hand. There may have been qualifiers around that.

This is true, too. One of those qualifiers may have even been "You didn't have to, but you did anyway. Good job."

I didn't think of that, and I don't know if that's the case, but it is one possibility.

That’s kind of a strange thing to say when your WW had already told her IC what her goals were.

Once those goals were expressed, the IC should know that to achieve those goals requires 100% honesty with you.
I’d keep your ears open. Shitty therapists can absolutely fuck everything up quickly.