I can tell my wife is truly remorseful.
I won’t belabor this as BFTG and other poster nailed it, but will reinforce that,
"True Remorse" is manifest in the form of consistent and progressively improving actions over time.
There’s a learning curve for WS’s, and a truly remorseful WS should be continuously improving their approach with empathy, therapy, and learning from their mistakes and overcoming setbacks.
Other posters have also given some excellent examples of Remorse vs Regret.
The fear of being alone at 50
I was 49 when I discovered my WW’s affair, 23 years into, what I thought, was an ideal marriage, lifestyle, social circle, romance, affection, intimacy, best friends, mutual adventures, mutual dreams, and the accomplishment of personal and mutual dreams. We had three happy teens/preteens. Our lives were absolutely commingled. The affair was an absolute blindside. No warning signs, no rug swept grievances, no neglect, not even in honest objective hindsight.
We divorced after failed R after about 18 months.
I too was fearful of starting over after 50. It’s debilitating fear. So much invested, so much at stake. A clear perspective was clouded by overwhelming grief. This site helped me maintain perspective.
Fortunately for you, your kids are older and through the majority of their formative years. Coparenting will be much easier. It will be much easier for you to transition to the next phase of your life.
The reality for me was, that there was a better future out there for me. There was no shortage of wonderful, intriguing prospects and opportunities that I could have never imagined, and only became clear after my first baby steps forward.
There was a period where I was alone, for the first time in 25 years, I was alone to indulge in myself, my interests, my healing. It was amazing and cathartic.
There was a period of reckless dating (Be careful with this, it’s the Wild West out there).
Then there was a period where I travelled and met beautiful people and had various adventures and experiences.
And then a period of careful dating.
Then I met my now wife, and so far, so excellent.
I look back on the first marriage, not with regret, but with reverence, as it was very good while it lasted, with great memories and the birth of our kids. And now, I’m/we’re off to new adventures that are just as special.
[This message edited by RealityBlows at 9:52 PM, Wednesday, September 18th]