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My wife had a work trip in which she thinks she met the love of her life. She returned June 7th. Since then her lover has come to visit her one weekend while I was still living in our home and she spent 14 hours with him while I stayed at home with our daughter. I was trying to stay at the house and get things wrapped up so we could seperate and all I asked for was a little respect during all this. That weekend he came was one day after our 10 year anniversary. I was in the middle of packing stuff and left with my daughter to take the stuff to where I was planning to move and within 5 minutes of me leaving the house she left the house to spend 2 hours sleeping with him at his hotel. That was the last straw for me and I’ve since moved out and taken my daughter with me. I’ve found out that he is planning to visit again next weekend. Should I take my daughter and leave her there that weekend so she can’t go have her fun?

No, you should not use your daughter in any way, period. Is that best for her?

I'm sorry your here.

Do Not get your daughter involved. She's not part of this mess.

As for your WW. She's in the "fog". Remember that you were the "love of her life" before the trip. When the AP gets tired of her, she'll wish she'd done things differently.

You do need to contact a lawyer to find out what your options are.

I wish you luck.

No, your daughter shouldn't be used as a way to keep her mom faithful.

File for divorce, and full custody.

All that would happen is OM would come to your home,and he and your wife would play happy family with your child.

Is he married? Call his wife and tell her about the affair.

[This message edited by HellFire at 12:56 PM, Friday, July 12th]

Deleted, misread OP

[This message edited by InkHulk at 1:02 PM, Friday, July 12th]

My guy,

I know you’re hurting, trust me. I had very similar experiences, especially with taking care of the kids and WW going out to be with AP. I know how hard it is.

You now have one responsibility, raise your daughter, and more importantly raise her to not be like your STBX.

She is hurting too, she is also betrayed and she is the most innocent person in all of this. Her whole life is turned upside down, just like you.

You have to love your daughter more than you hate your STBX. You have to be the sane one. Do NOT use your innocent child as a pawn against her mother.

Remember that. Love your daughter more than you hate your ex. In time you will get over your ex and she will be nothing than a person you interact with for visits or whatever. Your daughter will always be your daughter and she needs you to be there for her now more than ever.

Just let it go. Your ex sucks, selfish and entitled. Be the best dad you can be. I promise you, if you use your child as a tool or a weapon to get revenge, she will hate you. That is honestly just as selfish as your ex. Don’t stoop to her level.

Should I take my daughter and leave her there that weekend so she can’t go have her fun?

I understand you are hurt but NEVER EVER EVER EVER get your daughter involved in your business. You cannot use her to your advantage or to create a disadvantage for your wife. She is not an object! Protect her from your toxic relationship with her mother. She should not get involved. She has enough on her plate knowing her parents are separating.

I completely agree with HellsNotHalfFull

Don’t stoop to her level.

[This message edited by Fantastic at 2:45 PM, Friday, July 12th]

What everyone else said. Be the person who lives your daughter enough to focus on her and have a nice weekend with her while your wife is abandoning both of you and being a totally shit parent. Seriously, plan something really nice with your daughter. Take lots of pictures. Genuinely enjoy her company and build a relationship with her.

It is awful that your wife is stupid and immoral and selfish to do this to you, but you can’t control it. Allow yourself to hurt and grieve, but don’t use your daughter as a pawn.

When your daughter is old enough to understand she should be told why her family was destroyed, not now.

Who is the OM get to work exposing what OM did to your daughter to everyone in OM life.

You are a strong man not to go berserk on OM. I could not show such restraint given the circumstances.

It's extraordinary cruel of WW and OM to use your daughter as a tool to keep you at a distance

Others have given you great advice. My daughter was 4 when my ex moved out. She used any babysitter she could find to spend time with her boyfriend. My daughter was molested and is still dealing with this 25 years later. Your wife can also find someone to leave your daughter with.
I am divorced and I am the main parent in the life of my daughter. I am invited for all the birthdays and other events for my grandchildren. She has never been invited. Currently ending her 2nd marriage I have been told. I understand what you are going through and it's not fair. Sometimes life never is. How do you want to be remembered? Because that is all we leave here. Show your daughter how to live a life with integrity.

Welcome to SI and sorry that you're joining us. In the JFO (Just Found Out) forum, there are some posts pinned to the top that we recommend new members to read. The Healing Library is also a great resource. That's where the list of acronyms we us is located, too.

Please focus on self-care and taking care of your daughter. If you have issues with anxiety, depression or sleeping, ask your doctor for meds. Also, did you sleep with your WW (wayward wife) in the interim> If so, please get tested for STDs/STIs. There are some nasty diseases out there.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful.

Again, sorry you're here and keep posting.

You took your daughter to live with you and your WW is perfectly fine with that? Is she fighting you to get her back, or to spend more time with her child? If not, she's likely not going to think twice about hiring some random person to babysit your daughter while she prioritizes her new boy toy.

I agree with HellFire: File for divorce and full custody immediately. And then take your attorney's advice on how to behave.

You should fight for full custody and save your daughter from that shit show.