Me- BH 49- WW/SAHM 46- 23Y M 2 actually good years
4 Amazing Kids- 22M, 19M, 16F and 13F
Multiple DDays and infidelities 9 yr LTA with sons travel Lacrosse Coach and STD, multiple EA’s and PA’s
The AP
My wife’s LTA was with a guy that coached 2 of my kids. He was and is a complete ahole and I can’t get over the idea that he gets to think that my eventual ExWW thinks of him when she is with me. Him believing he is better than me, because he ruined my family is something that I can’t forgive them for inflicting. Unfortunately, the world is not a fair place and there is no justice possible.
Thank you all for listening to my rant, I know it isn’t helpful to think about it, but Thanksgiving and Christmas always put me in the depression of victimhood, yearning for a different past and present.
I know I am stuck, but I cannot shed the feelings of "less than" that this situation created, even with her many attempts to reconcile.
21 comments posted: Sunday, December 15th, 2024
Rewriting the Past
Anyone else remember only the bad history of their marriage? It feels like all of the little annoying moments and questionable ones have bubbled up in my memories to join the bad ones. I don’t even remember feeling comfortable, happy, confident or proud of my marriage aside from my kids. While she trying to erase evil her and her trashy actions, I seem to be subconsciously erasing anything that could be seen positively.
10 comments posted: Monday, October 7th, 2024
Realizing How Powerless I Really am in Life
I had all my ducks in a row and have been leveraging work as my anchor mentally for how I am still impactful in life. Then Thursday I got laid off due to a restructure and I am spiraling. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t for performance reasons, I just lost the area of life that proved I can accomplish good things.
I know I will find a job, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. Powerless is how I feel and stuck is what I am.
6 comments posted: Sunday, August 4th, 2024
Met with my Lawyer Yesterday.
I hate living like this, I hate my options and I hate that I am in this position. Good lawyers are EXPENSIVE, but I have one.
My state is basically 50/50 on all assets, so I am paying for alimony and the custody negotiations. Child support is capped at 25% oof my net up to $9,200 per month, if she gets the house and custody. Alimony is the wildcard that will be difficult to quantify, plus the cost of starting over at 49 with half of my kids, assets and paycheck. Life’s a bitch, then I married one and since God hates me, I will probably get cancer as soon as I get past the most difficult and expensive phase.
Life seems pretty f’ing unfair to me right now. I feel like having an affair instead of D, might be cheaper, easier and I might as well have no integrity to go with my lack of self respect. Could it be better than integrity and a little self respect with no money? Kinda joking, but also kinda serious…I could affair up with purpose, so if I am caught she would the feeling of being less than in more ways than I do right now.
11 comments posted: Friday, July 12th, 2024
D’s Impact on the Kids
I have stayed for the kids, since DD1, planning to wait 16 years before I leave. During that time, I lost all self respect, but was able to be a father to my children. Since the most recent DD, my loneliness is off the charts and I have been struggling to overcome my trauma and depression.
My meetings with lawyers paint a horrible picture for me, but I feel like I can’t take it anymore, so I set another for Thursday with the expectation of moving forward now, regardless of the courts.
My biggest concern is for my daughters. WW is a bit of a wildcard and as a SAHM she is likely to get custody and move away. The girls are 16 and almost 13, does anyone have experience divorcing at such a difficult age? Is this a bad idea, since it is rooted in relieving my daily pain? I don’t know if I can make it another 5 years, but feel like the decision makes me as selfish as my STBXWW. I realize being miserable sets a horrible example for them, but I am nervous about how they will react to the changes that are inevitable.
Any advice would be appreciated.
5 comments posted: Sunday, July 7th, 2024
How to not be so negative…
How do y’all do it? I am not suicidal, but I can’t think of one thing in my life that brings me joy or comfort aside from my kids.
Every disappointment, everything that breaks, all unforeseen maintenance seems to carry the weight of the world in the wake of my WW.
All I wanted to do was ride my motorcycle this weekend, just put a bunch of money into it and there was an issue with the upgrades. Back to the shop. AC in the house went and just had to put $3k into my truck. How do you all isolate dumb and normal life shit from the emotional spiral of your marriage and life falling apart?
Just looking for ideas because walking the dogs, working out and working aren’t cutting through it. I can see my posts becoming more and more negative and my brain loop’s spiraling. My family is out of town visiting WW extended family, and I am just ruminating.
8 comments posted: Friday, July 5th, 2024
Therapists Telling WW to Lie
Anyone else’s WS go to counseling IC then MC and advise the WS not to admit the affair and/or minimize the truth? WTF is going on with these counselors? Both were faith based and Gottman Trained.
Is there anyone in the world that is trustworthy these days?
20 comments posted: Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024
