SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi everyone. Just want to update that he is out. He apparently found out that a place came through today for him. Which was interesting since never mentioned anything and said he had nothing until all of a sudden BOOM its there. He won't tell me where it is. Our daughter asked as well and he wouldn't tell her. I wrote a more detailed update in the divorce section since that is what I am working towards. I have my paperwork, I just need to fill it out. I finish this semester of school next week and then I have a short break (and then my final semester before I graduate with my masters!!). During that break my focus is going to be getting as much done with the divorce papers that I can. I hope that eventually I can stop hating him so much. I dont want to feel ANYTHING towards him. I also hope that I can stop fantasizing about ruining these women's life lol. I made a joke to a friend that I was going to send a group text to all the women hes cheated on me with (or at least the most recent 2) and say something along the lines of "Hey ladies, since everyone is so eager to take my husband off my hands I thought you should meet your competition" and then share the few texts and screenshots I have between them all or give a brief bio of each (addicted to coke and booze, will do ANYTHING for attention and married with a kid, never satisfied, serial cheater" and then say "may the odds be ver in your favor while you fight over my garbage" and then block them. Clearly I won't do that...unless I have one too many glasses of wine this weekend

[This message edited by Elle2 at 4:13 AM, Wednesday, May 15th]

That’s good news he has gone. Now keep to no contact unless it’s about your child. Remember how he treated you in case he tries to crawl back.

Obviously don’t contact those POS women. But if they have partners they should be informed to have their agency back over their own lives.

I let the one woman’s husband know (again) and he told me that they hard a rough time reconciling after the first time. We both trusted that since they work together they would stay professional. We were both idiots apparently.

The mind movies are getting me lately. I think that now that I finally see who he is and haven reason to believe anything he's ever said, that the possibility of the extent of his lies and affairs is hitting me. There's always been little things over the years that havent sat right with me. Ive brought them all up but of course it was met with denial. Now that I have zero trust in him, I worry that hes more than likely never been faithful, not for the bulk of the time we've been together at least. I feel like everything has been a lie. It's surprising because I thought I didnt trust him before, but this is a new low. I know at the end of it, it doesnt matter since we are divorcing. I know that not getting closure and the unknown is generally the hardest part but I was hoping this time It wouldnt bother me as much. Yet here I am. I did sign up for therapy today though! I just so happened to look online at Telehealth therapy and my insurance covers it. My first session is Monday. I had to schedule it in between my clients so I'll just go cry in my car for 45 minutes and go back to work. It's probably not the best idea but I think its better than nothing at this point.

It's good that you're going to talk to someone Elle. As sad as it is to come to these realizations about your wh it will help you to get out faster and hopefully with less pain. Sadly, he was probably never who you thought he was :(

Immediately inform your attorney that he has moved, but refuses to give you,or his kids, the address. I dint think you have to send the kids with him,if he won't provide you the address where they will be.

Hellfire, he will have to pry the children from hands if he plans on taking them to a place I have no idea where it is or who is there. I dont expect he will ask though. Hes been coming over here for his time with the kids or taking them places. I find errands to run or go to the library to work on my school work while he is here. I assume hes staying somewhere that the kids wouldnt be comfortable or welcome for extended periods of time. I dont think hes with one of the women but at this point anything is possible.
My Facebook and Instagram has been flooded with inspirational quotes about divorce. About women in my same position that have found the strength to move on. it's been very helpful as cheesy as it sounds.

It's not cheesy at all! I love inspirational quotes and also memes to lift my spirits if I'm feeling down.
Just make sure if he is coming over to see the kids that you're not engaging with him. Grey rock is your friend!

I am sorry you have to go through this but excited for your future!

I think any therapy you can get will be helpful.

You describe so many issues w/ the STBXH it is astounding he even came home most nights. Drug addiction + self esteem issues + serial cheater is a recipe for disaster.

You will find some peace - not having to check up on the cheater or care where he is or what he is doing will be some welcome relief for you.

1stwife, he likes to minimize his issues. I for the most part ignored them or looked past them. I think in his mind it's all been justified, with his cheating. I dont think he really cares that he hurt me bc he thinks I hurt him more, and first. so he had no choice but to cheat to keep some type of happiness to survive the "horrible marriage" he had with me.

It wasn't you that was horrible, it's him that is horrible, and wherever he goes that horrible person is still going to be there.

I saw this with my own mom and dad. He blamed my mom for it all, and yet she ended up being happy, and he was still the same miserable person he'd always been.

Stop repeating what he's told you. It's all a pack of lies, you know he's a liar, and he wants to hurt you now.

Liars lie and cheaters cheat, he'll do it no matter who he is with.

Liars lie and cheaters cheat. Im gonna keep repeating that.
I hope the women that participated in these affairs get everything they deserve. I hate being that way but it’s how feel right now. I’ve been through so much in 6 years that it makes me feel like I must have deserved it in some way.

My FWH ow got karma. It doesn't always happen but sometimes it does.

They put me through hell, and I let it happen for way too long.

But, she lost her very very very good job for doing drugs, had to move away to get another job.

I don't feel sorry for being happy that happened to her.

But none of it was my fault, and none of this is your fault.

You wanted to save your marriage, that is what a good, kind person does.

Remember that.

I feel so dumb for trusting him to continue working with her. Her spouse feels the same. Part of me wants to touch base with him to see what they have going on. Maybe see if I can find out more info. I literally know nothing outside of what I found. I keep saying it doesn’t Matter but I know y’all understand how hard the unknown is.

It's really hard Elle, but it's best to let all of that go. You know it won't change him, or change things. It's really difficult to get out of the mental loop of obsessing over this, but for your mental health, and for your kids, you've got to start thinking "not my monkeys, not my circus"

We all want, not exactly revenge, but a reckoning. They must be made to pay. In your case it is your husband. In my case it was a friend. Then she died and I still get frustrated that I never told her off. This is human nature. The best thing you can do is forget you ever knew him. He should mean as little to you as lint in your dryer. Living YOUR life is the best revenge.

its definitely hard not knowing and not being able to ask the questions. My first therapy session is tomorrow. Im apprehensive about it. I feel like im expecting too much. I dont know what im expecting but Im hoping to feel better and I worry I won't.

You might not right away, but you have to keep working at it.

Think about your mental health and recovery sort of like school, if you have time read, if not get some audio books to listen to in the car. Keep going to therapy even if it doesn't help at first, maybe the first therapist doesn't work out, then find another one.

I personally wasn't a therapy person, but I read everything I could get my hands on, watched youtube videos. I worked on my inner voice, changing the negative to positive. I took joy in any little thing I could. My kids, my dogs, my garden, yoga.

It took a long time, but eventually things turned around, but it is hard work, not going to lie.

I feel like I don have the energy for hard work. I have just enough to survive most days. My job is very overstimulating and stressful and then with the kids mostly on my own. Our autistic kiddo has been dealing with some big behaviors for the last few months. Im just. So. Tired.

This stuff is exhausting, and then add work and kids and all that — no wonder you are tired. But you can see the finish line ahead of you. So one step in front of the other until you finish with school. And not having him to worry about will suck at first, but then quickly become a relief.

Focus on you and the kiddos. IC will help but it won’t be a magic bullet - it takes a little time. But good for you for doing it. I found it helpful.

Sending strength.