SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've met with Daphne Rose Kingma 2x now and she suggests an experience to help me get unstuck. Wondering how many traveled during the affair process? Either during reconciliation, on the fence/healing/processing, or after separation/divorce? Was the experience helpful?

I live in the midwest USA and have never traveled outside of the US apart from all-inclusive resorts. I would be a solo female 50-year-old traveling with no experience and speak no other languages. I'm very aware of how much people hate Americans and I often don't disagree.

I want to do something for myself and have an experience. I would love to travel solo but with a group however, from initial research, those group travel agencies are expensive. Any alternative suggestions?

I would love to see the sights, the basics (Paris, London, Rome, for example), maybe for a couple of weeks in Europe. I'd love to travel with someone or alone with a well-laid-out plan. I'm not fancy and am fairly go-with-the-flow. Safety is most important as I'm naive and not at all travel-wise. I love to walk and am in standard shape for a 50 yo. Sleep is important to me but I don't need fancy accommodations and can share space with a non-snorer or an occasional shared space with a snorer. I would consider nice safer hostels.

I would love any feedback, information, suggestions, and advice :) Since trust and safety are so challenged during this time
I feel like the SI community could have their own "couch surfing" program for something like this

I did many new things and learned lots of new skills on my R. One thing I did was get Scuba certified. We then took a few trips to do diving. The best was Belize. The native language is English. The diving is some of the best in the world. I will do that trip again. It was amazing.

I also learned to ride a street bike that was a blast. However my parents said if I got my motorcycle license that they would no longer watch the kids. So I didn't.

I would encourage you to do some research and go where you want and do what you want. Travel is fun and can be really revitalizing.

I was too broke to travel during my early days, but I did book a high-end hotel for a weekend alone and it was transformative. I needed to show myself that I could do things alone. I say get out there and feed your soul!

I keep seeing ads on my Facebook feed for tours for solo travelers. I bet they're meant for you! Maybe consult a travel agent for a well laid-out plan??

The places you have mentioned in Europe are pretty safe. Sure, there is the normal pick pocketing practice you expect in any capital city, but that’s easily fixed with normal practices of keeping your bag in front of you, money in inside pockets etc. There are no guns around and most crimes in these big cities are targeted (organise crime). As long as you don’t join a gang you will be pretty safe.

I live on the outskirts on London and work in London and I never feel unsafe no matter the hour as I’m not involved with any gangs. 😆

London is really easy to navigate by underground so as long as you have your walking shoes on, be prepared to have a blast. If you decide to visit send me a pm and I can make you a list of sights to visit and things to do.

Paris and Rome are similar to above and absolutely marvellous to visit. I can offer some advice if you wish, pm me if you decide to go.

For accommodation I’d recommend AirBnB, you can find affordable and decent accommodation pretty easily. Make sure you only book places where the reviews are over 4-4.5 stars. Don’t book if no reviews.

People don’t hate Americans in Europe and I think that is a social media perpetuated concept, yes there may be banter but that’s on social media platforms. I have never witnessed in my life hatred towards Americans and I do travel around Europe a lot (including Eastern Europe). In fact I think Americans are loved because you guys tip in the hospitality sector and that’s not much of a habit in Europe, we tip too but not as much. (More around rounding the bill up than an actual %).

Most people speak English in all those cities, in fact every time I try and practice my French in France (I’m going around 5 times per year from the UK) they automatically switch to English. If you open your sentences with hello in those respective languages (Bonjour & Buongiorno) and maybe learn thank you as well, the effort will be appreciated. There is also a free translation app to support for those rare moments where the person in front of you may not speak English, DeepL

As someone who visited USA (granted, only Florida, more to come) you won’t feel any difference in safety levels. The cultural differences whilst there, won’t be anything dramatic.

Give me a shout if you want more info and I think travelling totally helps with healing and puts life in a different perspective.

[This message edited by Luna10 at 3:57 PM, Wednesday, April 17th]

Great advice and thoughts!
Tushnurse - Love your courage and getting uncomfortable :)
SacredSoul - I get so many adds and I love all the solo female travel promo but the price tag is a bit high for the budget
Luna10 - thank you for the offer for more info and guidance! I will for sure be messaging you. I think my greatest fear is looking like an idiot American LOL. I love airbnb and don't mind a shared space with my own room, that might be a great option to save some money.

Lessthinking, traveling somewhere outside your comfort zone is definitely an excellent way to get unstuck - to get the neurons firing and the juices flowing. Building up my self-esteem and self-confidence in the aftermath of infidelity were crucial steps towards my recovery. Travel seems like an excellent suggestion to try something new - to challenge yourself and build self-confidence. Plus life is short. Time to get out there and see some of the world outside the US! If I can do it, you can do it!

I've spent my adult life periodically traveling in a wide variety of countries around the world - and spent much time traversing the North American continent.Sometimes solo, sometimes with my then younger D in tow, sometimes on trips with the H, and on a few occasions we traveled as a family. Never experienced ANY hatred towards Americans, or even rudeness directed to me as an American. Agree "hating" on US citizens abroad is a self-perpetuating social media trope because there are some rude US citizens traveling abroad, as there are rude travelers from just about every country in the world. You get back the vibe you give, IMHO.

I/we always do vacation rentals rather than hotels, car rentals, travel on our own type of trips. Which I (of course) organize. Traveling with a tour group seems like it could be fun. But tours seem limited on how much time is spent in each location, and the locations on those itineraries are usually "greatest hits" type places. Which is fine for a newbie traveler. Agree some of those tours can definitely be costly.

Often the most stressful requirement of travel is the moving around - getting from point A to point B on time. Which is why folks often default to organized tours - especially if they want "if this is Tuesday this must be Belgium" experience. Organized tours take care of your luggage, take care of all the planning, lodging, and meals. Which can be a relief. But traveling solo without an organized tour is definitely doable. And IMHO, preferable in MANY cases. Millions of people travel solo every year! So, maybe for you, when traveling solo for the first time, the less complicated the itinerary, the less stressful the traveling. So true, at least in my experience. For your first solo trip rather than organizing a potentially stressful multi-country or multi-city itinerary how about traveling light (one reasonably sized roller bag and a carry on tote) and choosing one or two cities or areas where you KNOW English is commonly spoken and where it is generally considered safe? And set up shop in these one or two cities (or areas) for a brief stay?

Some of my favorite travel experiences were spent staying put in one city for a week or more (Rome! London! Dublin! Kyoto! Didn't rent a car on those trips;-) and getting to know that city VERY well. I shopped in local shops. Cooked some meals in the vacation rental - which def can save money on breakfasts, and pre-packed lunches to take on the go can also help save. Took public transit, taxis, Ubers all over the city. Took solo day trips on the train or paid for a seat on organized tour bus day trips to locations of cultural interest outside the city, and to also see a bit of the countryside.

I'll describe one week long London solo excursion to give you the gist. Flights to London can be surprisingly inexpensive, if planned ahead and low fares are pounced on when they pop up, BTW.

-Flew into and out of Heathrow. Pretty straightforward. Cab to and from Heathrow. There's also a direct underground line from Heathrow to Paddington which can be super convenient and less costly than Uber or cab depending upon where you're staying in London.

-Stayed for a week in a one bedroom vacation rental in Kensington - just a couple of blocks from Kensington High Street Station. Air B-N-B could be a choice, but unlike many US cities, when abroad Air B-N-B is not the only game in town. Many vacation rental companies in major European cities cater directly to business travelers and tourists, and have been doing so for YEARS. Can be surprisingly affordable when compared to hotel rooms as well; shopping around can yield savings. If you decide to go the vacation rental route I'd look online. Kensington was a great neighborhood choice because it is a family neighborhood rather than tourist hotel complex feeling like some of the central London neighborhoods that target tourists. There were a variety of food markets and some great restaraunts just outside my Kensington door. I was out after dark on a few occasions, and generally felt safe. But be smart....don't visit dodgie neighborhoods alone after dark, carry your bag crosswise over your body, leave your passport in the locked safe back at home base.

- I purchased a tourist Oyster Card and took the Underground almost every day. Safe, clean and easily accessed for most London cultural hot spots. That trip was my first extended visit to London so I did LOTS of touristy things. Museums.... OMG AMAZING! If you're into shopping London rules - classic department stores, small boutiques, high couture - London has it all. Saw "A Midsummer Nights Dream" at The Globe Theater. Westminster Cathedral was fascinating. Tower of London..... enough said. Loved it. And the FOOD. Londoners can eat delicious cuisines from all over the world just about anytime of the day or night. There's so much to see and do in London. IMO, I could easily have spent another week there and still only scratch the surface.

- Caught organized bus day trip tours to Stonehenge (inner circle WOW), Windsor Castle. I also traveled on the train to Bath all by my lonesome and spent the day hoofing it allover Bath City. Took high tea at The Pump Room - so fun. That day was one of the most memorable (and self-gratifying) days of my life.

Hope this helps lessthinking! Get out there and enjoy yourself.

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 4:27 PM, Thursday, April 18th]

I think my greatest fear is looking like an idiot American LOL.

Well, then that must be included on the healing list, not caring about what other people think 😉. As long as you’re a nice, good human being by your standards, who cares if anyone decides to label you otherwise? But they won’t, seriously, I wouldn’t worry about that at all.

I purchased a tourist Oyster Card and took the Underground almost every day.

Nowadays Oyster cards aren’t necessary, tapping your credit card (contactless) charges the same amount so to make it even easier, you do not need any special ticket purchase on the underground or on the red buses, you tap your card and it gets charged automatically. There is also a daily cap on charges on the TfL (transport for London) meaning that they cannot charge more than a certain amount no matter how many times you used the underground that day.

In fact, to feel even safer, you don’t need to carry cash, you can pay by card (contactless) virtually everywhere, I don’t carry cash at all and some places like cafes and shops are card only now (for the same reasons, they don’t keep cash on site anymore).

By the way if you want to keep it relatively low without going all over Europe, the Eurostar London to Paris is super easy to use, it gets there in 2 and a half hours and you basically take it from one of the underground stops in London directly to Paris Gare du Nord. You do need to book tickets in advance but you can easily do so online.

Good luck and I hope you do decide to come out of your comfort zone, challenging myself and achieving the "impossible" was definitely a huge part of my healing and it helped enormously.

By the way if you want to keep it relatively low without going all over Europe, the Eurostar London to Paris is super easy to use, it gets there in 2 and a half hours and you basically take it from one of the underground stops in London directly to Paris Gare du Nord.

GREAT suggestion Luna10! London and Paris in one straightforward self-directed package. You've got me thinking.......time for a visit to London?

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 1:52 AM, Thursday, April 18th]

I took a month and went to Bali for 2+ weeks, then Perth and Singapore. My therapist recommended I do what I could afford, so I found someone to watch my cat and went. It was so empowering. Yes I cried, but I released so much pain and fear. In Bali I stayed at a yoga retreat where I immersed myself in yoga, reiki healings, massages… anything I could find that might help me heal. And I met such kind supportive people who were all in a place of seeking too, so we immediately all connected on a deep level. And then I travelled alone. And NEVER felt that anyone was anything less than nice and helpful. Americans who aren’t jerks are not hated.

I have traveled a lot across Europe and the US, so I am used to travel, but still had moments where it was unsettling or lonely, but powering through reminded me that I am capable. And brave. And interesting.

You might try going to Banff or Quebec or a week on the coast of Maine or on a dude ranch in Montana. Road Scholar caters to over 50 and put great programs together with a good mix of free time and group time. There are also "all women" groups you can travel with. And if you join a Facebook travel group (try Solo-In-Style- over 50 women travel group), you can find other solo travels over 50 to meet up with for coffee and get lots of good advise and encouragement.

Also, you first trip doesn’t need to be anywhere foreign— just changes in latitude and bring about changes in attitude (RIP Jimmy Buffett).

Have fun!!

GREAT suggestion Luna10! London and Paris in one straightforward self-directed package. You've got me thinking.......time for a visit to London?

Always time for a visit to London. Have you been to Brick Lane? Harry Potter studios? Camden? If the answer is no then time to book those flights 😜

I've known a lot of people who have visited New Zealand, every one of whom loved their visit.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:44 PM, Thursday, April 18th]

Been to New Zealand twice with my WH who grew up there. From Washington DC, it was the longest flight time to anywhere on earth besides...wait for it....Timbuktu! (These were our flight agent's actual words.)

[This message edited by Superesse at 12:53 AM, Friday, April 19th]

New Zealand is my dream bucket list so I need to start saving for that :)
BearlyBreathing-I've thought about a yoga wellness retreat in Bali! Any suggestions?

This is giving me the motivation for sure!!

I have been told that the Camino de Santiago walk is good for the soul.

I know of four people who have done the walk (or part of it), and all have said that they experienced a calmness and a soothing of their souls (even though one was not religious at all, but went on it as part of their bucket list).

A bike tour? They are all over Europe, you can ride an E-bike if you’re not much of a biker. Lunch midride, awesome dinners, good company, alone time if you want it.

About 3-4 yrs post dday I changed jobs that involved cros country travel. At first I was very uncomfortable with this but soon embraced it. I was afforded the opportunity to see places I had never been too and luckily I had a few friends from work that loved to travel and are a point of doing g something new and different in each place we went to. I was able to go to few distilleries in Kentucky, to Boston a day early and on my own rented a blue bike rode around Harvard, took an Uber to downtown walked the entire freedom trail on my own and it was AMAZING, and the following day saw the area Sox and saw Sale pitch one hell of a game. Which was an amazing experience. I now will travel any time the opportunity arises. Last year did a bucket list trip to see my band at the Gorge and have also scratched spring training off my bucket list. I take every opportunity to travel now and love it. Even within the US there are many amazing places to go to and we'll worth it.

I agree- the US has some spectacular places that we would say often: I can’t believe this is in America!

So barely a year out from my husbands dday, we sold the house (it had affair germs all in it-ew) and I quit my job (probably to the relief of my board because focusing was very hard) and we left and traveled in an RV for two solid years. Not everyone would recommend that with their spouse but it worked well for us. We had a lot of quality time together, long talks in canyons, looking at water falls, on top of mountains, at beaches. And slowly, we healed.

We are at our next test now that I am back at work. But I am not expecting it to be anything but missing the other. We have been joined at the hip for 3 years (I quit six months before we left to sell everything and get our stuff in order, and I have taken six months as we were renovating and moving into a house).