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Newest Member: Daughterofthemosthigh

Divorce/Separation :
WH Wants Separation after Failed (limited effort) Reconciliation

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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 10:50 PM on Saturday, April 20th, 2024

I do not intend to lie to my children shoul

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:50 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8834231
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 2:13 AM on Monday, April 22nd, 2024

There is no reason for you to have to leave the house. Glad to hear you're getting some quality time with the kids. Smart move copying family on the emails!

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8834331
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 1:09 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024

First

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:50 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8834457
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Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 9:55 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2024

Fingers crossed that the mediation goes well. The uncertainty of it all is so nerve-wracking. I feel for you.

Oh those blasted photo memories! I hate it when they pop up on my phone - I think because it catches me unawares, so I haven’t steeled myself to look at them.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834517
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 9:59 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2024

Sigh.

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:51 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8834931
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Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 10:27 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2024

I’m so sorry BSPhoenix, that sounds like a very long and draining day.

Admit I’m a little lost about the joint account thing. Will you both still have a joint account post-D? That sounds unusual.

1 weekday evening and 1 weekend day is extremely odd. I can’t see how a judge would sign off on that as being fair in your case. It sounds like she’s getting advice from someone other than her solicitor. Do you think she’s trying to trade off time with the kids for the joint account contribution?

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834935
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Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 10:31 PM on Friday, April 26th, 2024

Sorry, one more thing that came to me. I’m sure your lawyer has told you but even if mediation fails and you move towards court proceedings, you absolutely can come to an agreement in advance of the hearing, and then the hearing does not have to take place. I just wonder if your WW might focus a bit more (and not pull these bizarre tactics) if she had a court date looming.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8834937
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 4:34 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

I'm sorry BSPheonix, I thought from everything you said before that this might be the case with your STBXW, I think you might end up going to court whether you want to or not, and if that's the case you should fight tooth and nail for 50/50 and for financial equity.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8834958
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 7:05 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

Admit

Sadly, yes.

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:51 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8834965
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 7:16 AM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

I think

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:51 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8834966
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 2:58 PM on Saturday, April 27th, 2024

Hopefully copying her parents will help and move things along more quickly.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8834977
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 12:06 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2024

She's

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:52 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8835034
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 1:25 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2024

I don't think it's harassment, but I also wonder if it will help at all? Her parents might not like what she's doing, but they are her parents still.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8835040
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Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 9:35 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2024

I doubt it’s harassment unless / until MIL / FIL request that you cease communication with them.

However, I would echo the post above - these are her parents and most likely they will take her side, no matter what she has done / does. So while you may gain some comfort from them knowing the truth (and I can totally see why that is valuable) do be aware that this may not translate into any actual support for you.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8835085
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Perdita1 ( member #67654) posted at 9:39 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2024

Also, I’m not sure what is to be gained by bringing up the parent emailing in mediation. It sounds like that may well end up pulling you off on a tangent when, really, there are only two main issues on the table - childcare and money. Maybe a quick word with your lawyer just to double-confirm the harassment point is all that is needed. You don’t need her permission and it’s not something that needs bargaining over.

posts: 195   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2018
id 8835086
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 11:28 PM on Sunday, April 28th, 2024

I agree with Perdita, don't engage with her on stuff like this. Learn to grey rock. Say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and walk away.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8835091
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 12:47 PM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2024

Thank

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:52 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8835322
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 2:26 PM on Wednesday, May 1st, 2024

You didn't help create negative traits, it's who she is, and unless she realizes and does the work, it will always be who she is. Remember the saying, "wherever you go, there you will be"

These are things you maybe didn't notice before, but as you start to detach you can see more clearly.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8835326
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 BSPheonix (original poster member #72159) posted at 9:08 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2024

So, my STBXW

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 12:52 PM, Friday, June 7th]

posts: 146   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2019
id 8835392
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 8:41 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2024

First and foremost, stop deluding yourself with the idea that your wife will deal with you honestly and fairly. This is a woman who has done nothing but lie to and manipulate you, going so far as to make you get a vasectomy under false pretenses when she knew full well she planned to divorce you. Although it's expensive and slow-moving, you shouldn't be having any discussions about the divorce directly with her; let your lawyers handle it.

Second, stop copying your inlaws on messages and do not contact your in-laws under any circumstances to discuss the terms of your divorce. It doesn't matter how good of a relationship you've had with them in the past; they are her parents, not your allies. They won't decided what the distribution of assets and what your custody arrangements will be; the courts will.

I know you're desperate to get the truth out and counteract her smear campaign, but keep in mind that her family shaped the person she is today, either by modeling abhorrent behavior or enabling hers. Regardless, even if they're decent people, they're going to act in whatever they way they think is in your wife's best interests. If they weren't willing or capable of influencing your wife in healthy, positive ways while she was married to you, then what makes you think they will be willing or able now that you're divorcing?

I've made it clear that I need to get a home asap and, I will need to make it liveable for the children (also asap) and that time is marching on and I don't want them in a partly-decorated/depressing home at Christmas time (when they will have some of their time with me

You say this as if your wife gives a shit about your comfort and happiness or the wellbeing of your children while they are in your care. She doesn't and she never did. So stop treating her like a person she isn't and stop trying to appeal to good nature that doesn't exist.

All you're doing is causing yourself unnecessary stress and frustration and, potentially, legally disadvantaging yourself.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 8:43 PM, Thursday, May 2nd]

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 2011   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8835483
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