SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Stumbled upon this forum 8 years ago. 2015. My signature says it all. He had blamed everything on being a sex addict. We went for therapy and things seemed to have gotten better.

Due to work and immigration purposes I had to go and work in another country in 2021. He was visiting us every 4 months. Been a hard time navigating work and childcare and one of our children got diagnosed with a severe life threatening condition.

Got a call from a lady today who tells me they started dating about a month after I left with the kids. They have been together for 3 years She got upset as he couldn't stop cheating on her with other girls (I am the wife!). She terminated a pregnancy for him and yet he continued to cheat. Says one of his girlfriends tried to end her life when she found out he was with her
Sent me pictures of him on tinder, bumble and some other apps and then says she repeatedly had been infected with stds.

He rented a house for her and was paying rent and gave her a credit card to use as she wished. (He has a lot of money). She has naked pictures and videos of him. She even told me how they were in bed together when I called to tell him my mum had died. Scarily she knows the names of my children and has pictures of them.

Anyway confronted him. He initially denied and then when he realised I had proof started saying she was the only one that he never slept with anyone except her and that he had decided to end it and be a changed man and so she got upset and decided to call me.

Anyway I know it's bullshit. I know he has been cheating.
Informed his family and have told him not to contact me unless it has to do with the children.

I am sad. Heartbroken but taking it a bit well. I cried a lot earlier today
The pictures and videos were hard to see. Called a few girlfriends who stayed with me earlier on.
It's going to be a long road......

So sorry that you're back after thinking you were R'd. Please be sure to take care of yourself and maybe get tested for STDs/STIs to be on the safe side. It's so sad when you offer somebody the gift of R and they do this kind of thing.

Practice self-care and feel free to vent.

I’m so sorry. You deserve much better than this treatment. First of all, you have seen some proof, so definitely believe her, even if the story ends up changing a bit… You know enough, that he cheated. Next, believe her when she says she has gotten STDs and demand he get tested and show you the results and you go get tested as well. You definitely want the testing to make sure you are OK but make him do it as well to drive home the point of how serious it is. I would do that first and definitely, definitely do not sleep with the guy. Get an attorney and start figuring out finances, support, etc so you know where you are at in all of that.

Geez, I am so sorry this has happened to you after you have offered grace after multiple ddays. Enough already. Take care of you. Get tested for STDs and see an attorney promptly to start the D process. One thing that will make the road less arduous is to maintain no contact except for D matters. How old are your children? If they are still very young talk to your attorney about getting custody. He’s an admitted sex addict. Keep track of your communications in writing. He has spent money on his AP’s to rent a house and other expenses. Talk to your attorney about getting reimbursed for the moneys spent on his APs. Take care of you. You have gone above and beyond in pursuing possible R with a serial cheater. It’s time to get tested for STDs and move forward with your children. Good luck.

you’ve gotten great advise. I just wanted to add that I too am sorry he was not really into R. Please take care of you and your kids and rid yourself of this repeat offender. STDs is just too much. You deserve so much better.

I'm really sorry. I also came back in March after 8 years...there must be something about that number! I am getting towards the end of the divorce process now (in UK) although there is still a lot to sort out. Stay strong. Strangely, I found it easier in some ways this time although it's been more upheaval because it was clear in my mind what the right decision was for me. Stay focused on the long term and what your life will be like at the end.

Whatever you do then don’t repeat what you did last time…
You mention he has a lot of money. I don’t know your legal situation (married, common-law relationship, kids etc), but seek legal advice on how to move on. Sounds like he used a lot of finances on his infidelities, and that can factor in your favor when separating. Being able to hand that pile of worries off to a professional can ease your load. Not suggesting you try to get something you aren’t entitled to, but rather that if you are entitled to something you do your best to get it.

Booked an appointment with the lawyer already for next week. WH has started with the useless sorrys.

Not interested and not listening to rubbish. Haven't blocked him because we have children together. While the therapy was useless in the aspect that he faked it, it helped me to realize who I am and my worth. Not interested.

I know it's going to be a long road in terms of the divorce process and custody and all.

Make sure your lawyer utilises a forensic accountant because serial cheaters waste a bone chilling amount of marital funds. You’re in the UK, they have forensic accountants for this purpose and your lawyer will be able the draft your paperwork accordingly, might even help with negotiations around support and spousal maintenance.

Next make sure you both download a parenting app and every single correspondence about the children go through that, your lawyer will know the best ones to use. Never ever respond outside of this app, no calls no emails. It’s the one thing you should be vigilant about. Once you have set that up, block him and go no contact, he only needs to communicate about the children, you do not need to know if he is feeling bad or is sorry, if he wants a sympathetic ear he can look elsewhere. This is hard but the sooner you guard yourself from him and seperate your life from him the easier it becomes, if you wait, let him talk about anything other than the kids, false hope blooms and that is toxic stuff, he is a serial cheater, they’re not safe to be around, distance yourself.

Keep your plans about everything to yourself now. If you share your plans he will have an opinion or try and get you to do what he wants, what is in his best interest not yours, not the kids. Don’t share any plans, even if your lawyer comes up with a savage agreement keep a lock on it. Never underestimate what an ex will do with information about things you’re doing or want to do.

For day to day, lists, lists are your friends no joke. Get a notebook and keep it by your nightstand, when you wake write the days date and jot down the things you know you need to do, include the obvious to begin with like make lunches, shower, drink water, call XYZ to change accounts into my name, cancel XYZ, call mum etc etc and cross it off as you go. Divorce is distracting, disorientating and painful without the added trauma around infidelity, making lists get you through it. Doing activities with the kids helps too. You near the beach? Go there, go for a walk get some fish n chips, near a zoo? Spend a day there with them. Remember to talk to a GP if you’re having high spikes of anxiety or can’t sleep.