Hi all!
I broke up with my cheating ex in January of this year. He cheated after only being engaged a month (together almost 3 years) and never apologized for his actions. I saw him for the first time the beginning of this month at a conference for work. I didn't even want to go to the conference out of fear of seeing him, but I went and took a close friend/ colleague went with me. He showed up, of course, but didn't make any attempts to acknowledge me in person. No head nod, f*ck you, nothing. BUT, he did sit at a table where he had a perfect view of me the entire time, he made a big show of getting up quick to greet our friends as soon as they came, hugging, shaking hands, etc. I wanted to cry as soon as I saw him, all the memories and feelings -good and bad- came rushing back which sucked. But, I held it together during the conference days and cried in my hotel room at night. Ironically enough, the hotel that we were put in by my school is the last place we stayed together after I found out he cheated. After the first day of the conference, that night, he tried to re-add me on snapchat. I was pissed and upset at the same time. He tried to add me, deleted the request like 10 minutes later, re-sent the request, then deleted it again like 20 minutes later. Like WTF. A very small part of me wanted to see what he wanted, but also I'm right there in person if you needed to say anything to me. But, he doesn't have the balls to do that apparently.
The second day, he went to a few different sessions I went to (that our friends were presenting at) and again made a show of sitting in the front row, joking with them, etc. But as soon as the session was over be high-tailed it out of there. That same day, one of my aunties needed a ride back to her hotel so we were walking out to my car together. He was walking out the same time -of course- and didn't hold the door open for us. We walked the same way to our cars and he freaking parked next to me. Again, WTF. The last day, he didn't even show up to the conference which was nice, because I felt I could let my guard down just a little. I also got the chance to talk to a mutual friend of ours, who met me when we were "us." We somehow got on the subject of my ex and she said that she heard what happened (and saw my mom's angry fb comment on my healing post lol). She said that our mutual friend group in the language community still loved me a supported me but also knew that I was 'mourning' and wanted to respect my privacy. That felt good to hear.
She also had other info to tell me about him. She said that before we got together he was known as the 'welcome wagon' for all the new women on the reservation because he would get with all the new teachers etc. Right before he got together with me, he apparently was with some other woman. After we got together tho, she genuinely thought he was growing up and settling down. She saw him maturing and becoming a better man, or so she thought. She never saw him with anyone else and he was really grounded with me. She said that I was the best thing that could have happened to him. However, towards the end, she said she saw him changing but she never thought that he would cheat on me. Apparently after our friends started asking questions and she confronted him about cheating, he denied it and lied to her face. She then asked him again and he said he cheated on me ONCE because he was stressed about the wedding THAT WE HADN'T EVEN ANNOUNCED OR STARTED PLANNING. He went on an 'apology campaign' to all of our friends for his actions but never apologized to me.
Fast forward to a couple days ago. One of my best friends from college told me that her coworker's sister was on dating apps and my ex was apparently messaging people on dating apps while we were together. I was absolutely flabbergasted to hear this to say the least.
I know I lucked out and this whole breakup has been a blessing in disguise. I know that I deserve more and I didn't deserve any of this shit. But, it still hurts to hear again and again that this man was a complete douche bag tool. I feel used and dirty, that I was apparently just the next person on his list. That even when we were together he was looking for something else???? I sit here wondering what was real from all of this. I gave this man everything I had and was 100% committed to our relationship and he apparently couldn't care less. It is helpful to hear these things, they are reminders that I am better off without him, but it feels like every time I hear something new the scab is picked off. Every time I start to feel good, something else trickles in and upsets me. This shit hurts and I hate that I fell in love with such an asshole. I know that I will survive but damn...
