My partner and I were together for a little under 3 years when we got engaged last October. I was so happy to be getting married to such an incredible man who shared the same values and culture as I did. However, mid December, I got a message from a random woman with screenshots of their conversations. Turns out last November he slept with his ex-girlfriend twice and was cheating on me. I was shocked because there was no indication of anything wrong. We never had any major fights, we shared the same values (or so I thought), same goals and aspirations, etc. I always did all I could to support him and his goals. I helped him with projects for work, with his classes for his Masters, and I even helped take care of his mother after she had a stroke when his siblings wouldn't step up. I did all that I could to be a loving, supportive partner. We talked about marriage and kids, both conversations initiated by him. He told all our friends about proposing and even got help picking out the perfect ring.
Initially, I tried to fight for us. In January, we agreed to take a break and do counseling separately. I did counseling for 5 months and he quit after 1.5 months. Even tho we agreed on a break, I officially broke up with him a few weeks later because I was dying on the inside, especially not knowing what he was doing. He didn't seem to realize how awful I felt. When we broke up in January, he immediately deleted me off fb and all other socials, and asked me not to 'blast him' and tell others what happened between us.
After a few months of no contact, we talked and we tried to remain friends because prior to this he was my best friend. Before this, we talked every day, spent the weekends together, taught language revitalization classes together (we are both Native American), etc. He was my first bf and I absolutely loved him- flaws and all. At that point, a small part of me hoped to reconcile. However, talking to him kept the wound open and there was no real accountability on his part because he still felt he had access to me. If I didn't respond to a message immediately, he would get mad and message back an "ok then" message. I couldn't heal, so we decided to just stop talking and no longer have contact with each other. At that point, he blocked me on messenger and fb (again) and that was the end of that.
A few weeks later ago, almost 8 months after I found out he cheated, I made a general social media post talking about my healing journey and the struggle this year has been. I didn't use his name and I didn't go into detail about what happened. Apparently my post got back to him (which I don't care about) but he messaged me mad/upset because "now people know what happened" and now he just feels even worse than he already did since our breakup (because he says he's really been struggling). I blocked his texts and he unblocked me on fb to message me there. I blocked him there too. Since then, he has completely deactivated fb (or is back on and has blocked me lol). A small part of me feels bad for talking about what happened on social media but I need to share my story to truly heal. BUT, I am also pissed that he thinks he has the nerve to dictate how I heal. He fucked up and wants me to feel bad for him...ugh.
We both live in small rural communities about an hour apart and have a large group of mutual friends (which I really haven't seen since the breakup and everything because idk what to tell them). I'm worried to see the woman he cheated on me with or even see him at this point because it all still hurts and I (probably foolishly) still have a small part of me that loves him. Next month is a big language conference in our state and I really want to go (because I love the language and culture-- we actually met at a similar conference) but I am also terrified to see him because idk how to act or what he will say/how he will act. But, I don't want to stop doing the things that I love because of him. I don't want to stop living my life because I am scared. I know that much but it is still really hard sometimes.
I'm dreading the anniversary of our engagement (which was 2 days before my birthday). October is already hard for me as I had 1 grandmother die on my b-day and the other died 3 days before my b-day. NOW, I have this shitty thing to add to that week of awfulness...
I know this post is all over the place, and idk what I'm even looking for here, but I just needed to share/vent. I have a good support system but I also don't want to always burden them with the same stuff consistently. I am doing better than I was a few months ago and I no longer cry all the time like the first few months. I try not to focus on it all the time and let it consume me, but some days are harder than others and some days I just wake up 'in a mood.' Today was one of those days (I am also filling out my request for work to attend that language conference so that doesn't help).
Do things get any easier? How do I trust anyone moving forward, especially another potential significant other (not that that is even going to be on my radar any time soon lol)? For those that decided to leave, how did you heal and move forward? Thank you...
ETA: We do not have any shared assets, property, no children, or anything else that binds us together.
[This message edited by HurtAndConfused2022 at 6:47 PM, Thursday, August 31st]