My son has mental health issues. They are escalating.
He is still drinking. He hates me. Tonight I’m actually afraid for my safety.
Tonight started out with me picking him up from work. Normally if he is late coming out to the car, I just wait. No big deal. But tonight I was supposed to meet some friends for dinner and ‘catching up’ and I was already going to be late. So I called and told him I had dinner plans and whenever he was finished with what he needed to do, would he please come on out so we could get going. Came out in 15 minutes. Explained he had to stay to finish something. I said it was fine. That I just called to let him know about my plans in case he was just talking with coworkers.
Drive home was pretty much uneventful. Same as always. He puts in ear pieces and turns on his music. My friend from across country calls as she does most days as we are driving home. Our 7:00 pm is her 5:00 pm. This pisses him off…even though he isn’t talking to me. She and I talk 15 minutes…half the trip home.
I drop him off at home and drive to the dinner.
When I get home, he is outside with his music jacked way up. But it’s only 9:30 so I say nothing. I take care of my husband’s medication. I go to our den where I sleep. Turn on the TV low to lull me to sleep. Have to be up in 4 hours to prepare for more of my H’s medication.
Then I hear a very loud rumbling sound. It’s about 11:00 now. I step outside to the front porch and ask what the noise is. He shows me his latest toy. A big boom box kind of thing, with a microphone. And he is talking into it really loud. I just shake my head and go inside.
In no time, he has the microphone and music jacked way up. I open the door and ask him to turn it down. He mouths something, and I say, more forcefully, "It’s late, You need to turn it down".
He stomps into where I am and screams at me. I can’t even remember exactly what. I tell him he needs to grow up. He tells me the same thing.
Now he’s super pissed. He jacks the music up even louder. It’s 11:45 PM. I wait about 10 minutes, then go outside and tell him he needs to turn it down. That it is almost midnight. He says the neighbors don’t care. That I’m the only one who cares. I tell him more strongly to turn it down. He gets up and comes toward me. I’m actually a bit fearful. But then I see he is coming towards me because he has set the boom box right outside my door. So he moves it, but keeps it loud. I come inside.
This is awful (my opinion) music. F-ing this and f-ing that. I’m humiliated in my neighborhood. I’m certain people can hear even the lyrics it’s so loud. But no one ever calls the police. I’m sure if they did, he would say that it was me who called.
After about 10 minutes, he turns it completely off.
Then he calls someone. Starts screaming (about me) into the phone. I’m the worst f—— mother in the world…not even a mother…certainly not HIS mother. (I don’t know if he was referring to the fact that he is adopted). Lots and lots of out of control yelling to his friend about me.
Then I hear…"I’m about to f—- her up." "It’s either her or me." I was actually afraid of my own son.
Now, 2 hours later, it is quieter. Still talking sh#t about me, but also about saving his money so he can get a vehicle and go to another state to live. One where he can transfer from where he works now to another one of their stores.
He has worked there for about 15 months. 3 days ago he was talking about joining in a lawsuit against the company because they don’t let them take breaks. (Warehouse work).
I try to make sense of all this.
Whenever he goes off to me or to a friend about me, he always includes something like "She has no idea who I am!"
Once, when we were headed to his work, just about a mile from the house, (I have taken him to and from work for about a year now) and he had his music on REALLY loud. I asked him to please put his earplugs in. He refused. Yelling. "You’re going to listen to this!" "You need to listen to this!"
I explained that I wasn’t going to be forced to listen to it for 30 minutes on the way to his work. He said that "Yes I was! Then he whipped out his phone and said he was going to record me. That he was going to show people how terrible I am. I told him I would like to give him a ride to work if he wanted me to, but that I wasn’t going to be forced to do something I didn’t choose to do. He just kept the phone on me, so I drove back home.
I recognized the song from something he plays a lot while he sits on the porch. I remember it because whenever I go in or out of the house, he turns it way up. It is sort of a "I’m so misunderstood" and "Nobody cares" kind of music. Except it’s full of foul (to me) language, and very "woe is me".
I had to go pick up my SIL and when I got back I asked him…"Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to work?" He said he had already called his boss to explain that he couldn’t get to work because I wouldn’t take him. Said he had been fired. The next morning he asked if I would take him to work…as if none of it had happened.
This happens in waves. Every so often. Lately it happens more often, and is more intense. He doesn’t take his meds. He drinks most days.
I tell my H and he says to call the police. When I say no, he says he doesn’t know what else to do.
Now he is going in and out of the house, opening and closing doors. I don’t know if he is just being dramatic, or if he has a friend coming to get him. Or maybe he’s going to live in the truck?
I don’t want to open a blind or go near the front door, afraid of what it will start.
Sorry about the novel. I have no idea why I’m telling y’all all of this. Maybe burning off anxiety.
I just don’t know what to do.