SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm so sorry to hear this @ihatelying..TT really is such a cowardly thing. Please make sure to take care of yourself and process this at your own pace.

The mental shift that happens when you realize your WS can look at you falling apart, begging for the truth, and still lie and lie and lie is so jarring. Some WS go as far as to swear on their BS's life, their children, everything under the sun that they are telling the truth, all while they are LYING. Those who do these things truly are cowards who put their own self-preservation above all else. These kinds of traits are beyond unattractive.

Please understand that you deserve better than this. Sending strength.

IHL: So very sorry you are going through this. Learning that there were things going on in your life that directly affected you but you had no clue about is so difficult.

I don't think not going to MC first was a mistake. You don't have a marriage problem; you have a lying, cheating, abusive husband problem. If you had been under the care of a great IC early enough, you might've woken up and gotten the strength to leave him before he put you and your kids through years of hell.

I'm sorry that your husband continues to deliver you death by a million paper cuts. You deserve so much better than this, even though you don't realize it yet.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 3:21 PM, Friday, June 2nd]

I am going to follow through with the polygraph.
Originally, he had messed with three people (all oral sex and one vaginal too ….from a few times up to 9 months). Come to find out, there were 5 people total. One was just nudes and she dropped her pants and he smacked her ass (so he says). But that’s still cheating in my book. Another one was him feeling her up and kissing (they were bored one night😡). I count that as cheating. Anyone he freaking touched is cheating. The other three are as listed in the beginning.
Then of course all the porn since we’ve know each other.
And titty bars while we were dating.
I don’t know this man. I have lived 30 years with someone I don’t know. Do u all feel that way, too?? And while I found a little peace in that some of the sexual acts where only done by me and him….found that’s a lie, too so I don’t even have that😢.
I’m disgusted, disappointed, mad as hell, want to puke, confused, sad, depressed, anxiety, panic, loss of hope, don’t know what to do…..every feeling I’m sure u all have felt. Why the F$@& could he not have divorced me and gave me a little respect? Then I have to wait on some of the whores he messed with! And I just want to punch them in the face, but they are ho’s…this is all in my H.

IHL,
I am so sorry. TT is the worst, and many of us believe that the LIES after the affairs are what really kills the marriage.
Take the time you need to process this and it will be a roller coaster as you process it.

And yes, it is like our spouses were really aliens in a human skin. So cruel but so good at pretending.

Also I agree that IC is what he needed. He just needed to be honest. With you, the therapist, and himself. I doubt he was honest with any of them.

Hang in there.

As bad as the "truth" hurts, I’d still rather have it than lies. I don’t want to make a decision for the rest of my life, based on lies. If I decide to stay or go….I will (and want) all the truth. That’s why I’m following through with the polygraph. Even if I decide to leave, I’m still getting it done just to see if he did actually tell me everything.
I’m too old for this shit. 🤦‍♀️
This is supposed to be the time u are settling down and enjoying life and grandkids (not quite)….not finding out ur H is a freaking stranger and a shitty one at that.
I’m literally torn in two. Part of me wants to stay and say ok and the other part is saying….there’s no way in hell that I’ll be able to move on. I think there’s just too much damage and too many lies for too long. I just don’t know

Sister BS, I'm writing just to say I agree with your definition of cheating, and I agree with your desire to live a lie-free life.