Ihatelying

Spy cams

Ok….who has ever used a mini spy cam? What kind? I see all sorts…the USB phone charger looks the best. I’d think you would be able to see the little dot/camera. Has anyone used one and how did it go? Also, what are some that film nonstop and record to a phone app? So if needed, it’s all saved on the app. I don’t want one that is saved to just a chip bc then it has to be watched and erased within an allotted time.

35 comments posted: Monday, September 4th, 2023

Need input asap

My husband said he’s finished his disclosure. He just needs to get with therapist and write it in chronological order. I’m afraid his therapist is going to tell him to leave out certain details that he thinks I shouldn’t hear. And to be honest, I hate thinking about my H reading it to me in front of our therapist bc it’s going to be hurtful and private.
So my question is….should I read it now? He said I could or I could wait and he’d read it to me in front of the therapist. He knows he’s having to take a polygraph on it. So I thought I’d read now and then he can still do his part with therapist in case he thinks of something else bc the polygraph won’t be until that day.
I need advice and thoughts, please!!! And soon…was going to read tonight.

26 comments posted: Friday, June 2nd, 2023

This is aimed at the people that stayed with your spouse

Staying with your spouse is hard enough, but what do you all do about the sex? I mean, you start and you are ok, but afterwards I have to go to another room or make excuses bc I cry my eyes out. Will it ever be different? Will I ever be able to just have sex without seeing them together and being hurt bc when he orgasms, I know he had just as much fun with her and if felt just as good if not better with the AP. It’s been a year since Dday (well, just 3 months since I found out ALL the truth) and I still feel this way. Please tell me there’s a day that I won’t feel this way and it won’t feel like my heart is in a vice grip every time after sex.

13 comments posted: Friday, May 19th, 2023

Best book

Is there any book out there that explains to the cheater what the betrayed goes through and all the emotions and pain?l/how it feels??
Bc unless it’s happened to the cheater, they can only "imagine" what it’s like….they can’t actually fathom the pain and stuff we go through.
It’s like having a baby….they know it hurts, but they have NO idea.
Anyway…..is there a book u know about that helps them see the devastation that cheating cause and makes the person feel?

4 comments posted: Thursday, May 11th, 2023

Disclosure and lie detector

For all of you that have done the marriage counseling, how did the disclosure go and the lie detector afterwards? Did your spouse fail it? Do u think they told the truth on the disclosure? Tell me the details of how it all goes down, if u can.
Is it best to do the disclosure lie detector or get one yourself?

4 comments posted: Tuesday, April 25th, 2023

Tell me I’m not the only one

Your spouse is the one person you thought you could always turn to. They are there for your happiness, your pain, your sadness, ur fears….just everything. I so much want him to hold me and comfort me, but I won’t let him bc he’s the one that did this to me. I can’t let myself accept "comfort" from him when he’s the one that caused me all this pain. And the comfort your spouse can give you (since I’ve been with him for 29 years now) is what you want. The comfort from others just isn’t the same. Sigh. It hurts and enrages me even more to even think of him comforting me, but that’s what I wish I could do. Am I crazy???? Please tell me you understand what I’m saying. I can handle comfort from him bc of other reasons, but not from the pain he’s caused.
If I’m not crazy then how did (if u have) you overcome it?

27 comments posted: Monday, April 3rd, 2023

How do you deal with certain issues

I haven’t written in awhile, but I just had a question. I’m not going to repeat all that has happened, but I’ll just sum it up as saying my husband cheated three times, lied like a dog for 1o months before spilling it all and saying he’ll take the lie detector test. He has also been a porn addict for as long as I w known him (28 years). He is in therapy and I see he’s trying. But the problem I’m having is that he’s admitted to me that he checks out every woman’s butt regardless if it looks good or not. And he’s trying to stop and I think he has been trying. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when u have had to deal with porn for the last 28 years and then him cheating…..knowing he’s looking at a woman’s butt is a trigger 🤦‍♀️.
I hate the person he has made me into. I’ve known he’s done the porn and checking people out, but I just put up a wall and didn’t let myself care. Now that the wall is down and we are seeing if I can stay with him…..I have no cushion against the pain/jealousy feelings. My question is….How did/do u all deal with the jealousy? We own a business so every time a woman with a decent butt walks in….it triggers me. It’s ridiculous and I tried talking to him about it bc he wanted me to share my feelings, but then he says he can’t help that it triggers me and that I’d have to figure out a way to deal with it. He says he doesn’t look which I think that’s a half truth, but regardless…..most people are going to glance. I just need to know how I can stop letting it get to me. Any ideas??

4 comments posted: Sunday, March 26th, 2023

How do you heal?

I’m still deciding to stay and try or just leave. BUT if I stay and try, how do you heal? Do you just push it out of your mind? I’ve done that for yearssss and I can’t see how that is healing. That’s more hiding. I just don’t see how to heal in a good way. How did you all heal?

9 comments posted: Saturday, February 11th, 2023

More info since he agreed to the test

I updated everything that has happened in General bc I asked a question for WS also. It’s labeled "He agreed to take lie detector".

I was wanting to add that he’s always told me he broke it off with the main chick (there’s been three). Today he shared (just remembered…prob scared I’d ask it on the test) that he broke up with her bc she wanted him to leave me and she would leave her husband. He didn’t want to (she’s into every drug u could find and a ho) so she got mad and stopped coming in. I asked him if she had not wanted to get serious, would he have ever stopped screwing her. He said he didn’t know bc it didn’t happen. Long story short, he said it’s very possible that he would not have broke it off with her. 🤦‍♀️

1 comment posted: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023

He has agreed to lie detector

Well, for u all that have followed my journey, I told my H the other day that I knew he was still hiding and lying about stuff. Mind u, dDay was 10 months ago. I told him by him still lying/not taking lie detector, he’s pushed me to a wall and I only have two options. One….a divorce. Two….I play pretend and act like all is fine and nothing ever happened. Essentially, what I’ve been doing for the past 23 years. I told him that I was tired of pretending and left it at that. Meaning, divorce is pretty much my only choice. So we had therapy (individual) yesterday and while I was discussing divorce with mine, he was discussing coming clean with his. Sooo….he agreed to the lie detector test….and finished telling me everything. To sum it up, he’s had two affairs and a one-time one. The two affairs was sex and supposedly only oral with the other one. First affair lasted about 6-8 months, the second about three months. The one-night was oral sex. Of course, there’s still the porn addiction that isn’t bad for him now bc his testosterone is so low. Sounds like karma to me😈.
Anyway, I’m definitely getting the lie detector test.
What I’m needing help/encouragement with….. all u that stayed….. how in the world did u get over hating them and being so crushed bc they cheated….three times! I found video and pics of one woman and that was traumatizing enough. Now I have to imagine him with these other two. And these other two still come in our work place. As a matter of fact….one of the skanks just came in this morning. I usually walk off and make him wait on her, but he wasn’t inside so I had to. I didn’t talk or say a word and he came inside asap….probably scared I’d hurt her or start asking her questions bc I’d told him I could just talk to the other women. But she had some dude with her so I didn’t say anything.
So how did u all get over seeing "it", thinking about it…..and what about intimacy? Anything we were to do in the future…I’d just see him with them. It makes me sick to my stomach and I want to burst into tears and beat the shit out of him all at once.
And if there are any WS reading this…..in all honesty, did u have trouble not thinking about the other people while being intimate with ur spouse???? That’s another thing that makes me want to cry and puke….the possibility that he’s thinking of them while doing me. Especially, if it’s in the same place or if I did something she always did, etc.
Any advice is welcome. I still don’t know if I can stay or not. I just have to give myself time…after the lie detector.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023

He has agreed to lie detector (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Tuesday, February 7th, 2023

Anyone’s WS have anger issues?

My husband and I are still doing counseling.
We are still doing about the same (if u have read my past post). He is still trickle feeding me truths and each time that’s all there is…he promises🙄. Still refuses a lie detector.
My issue is his anger. He’s ALWAYS had no patience and short fuse. Always yelling, screaming and cussing over anything and everything. He has been a little better the past couple of years. I still have tons of questions and stuff I want to discuss with him, but every time I try to bring something up he says…"u are trying to start some shit! I’ve already told u everything (ha), so u are just trying to start a fight!" And each time we will get into a fight even though I stay calm. Is talking about it and having questions not a normal part of healing??? I mean, it’s been 9 months, but those 9 months were him lying to me nonstop and the last "truth" he told me was the first of Dec. So it’s like Dday all over again.
And like I’ve always done, when he starts in yelling and cussing, I close down. I just say ok to shut him up. I, myself, have so much anger from him always being this way….I just hold it all in and always have. Prob the reason for my many health problems🙄.
How do u all handle people like this (anger issues)? I’d say it’s just his way not to have to talk about it, but he’s been this way for 28 years so that’s not the only reason.
And another thing, one of the women he messed with lives 5 hrs away. I have a friend that would easily do a road trip with me. Should I pay her a visit and at least get some truths from her??? She’s a druggie so if I offer money, she’ll prob tell me anything I want to know. It’s not like it’s a big deal to her….she screws everyone.

37 comments posted: Saturday, January 21st, 2023

How much is too much

Ok….my husband has been trickle feeding me truths over the past 8 months. If u have read my other post then u know I want a lie detector and he said he’d divorce me first. To me that just proves he’s still lying or omitting telling me stuff. He’s says it’s bc they aren’t right and he’s not taking it.
Anyway, his therapist pretty much told him not to tell me details. I’m totally against this. My husband says….u know I screwed her. How many times and where and etc doesn’t matter.
I’m sorry, but I disagree. I want the whole story…not the blurb on the back of the freaking book!
This is how I think…..I want u all to tell me how u feel….I think whatever the spouse wants to know then the WP should tell EXCEPT for comparison things. If I ask who’s breast did u like better….then no…don’t answer. If I ask…how many times did u mess around with so-and-so (he admitted to cheating on me with another, but supposedly only kissed and felt her up once…I don’t believe that at all) then I think that is an ok question. And it’s not as much as having to know exactly…it’s more wanting to know bc I feel he’s lying his ass off and the lying is what I CAN’T STAND!!

14 comments posted: Thursday, December 15th, 2022

Did you stay faithful?

This is for the WS. It’s a simple question that I’d like to ask those that stayed with their BS.
Did u stay Faithful or did you end up cheating again?

2 comments posted: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022

Why can’t they just tell the truth?!?!

I’ve been married for 25 years. Dated for three years before that. I found out this April that he cheated on me. Since I’ve found out, there have been lies after lies after lies. He only tells me the truth if I have proof of something. This has happened 4 different times and so each time he has sworn that’s all and even swore on his parents life. Of course, each time I find out it’ just proves that he lied before that when he swore there was nothing else. So now I can’t believe a word he says.
Thanks to the pics and video I found in the beginning, I now have that to replay in my mind every day of my life. And him saying stuff to her that he says to me. He didn’t even have the decency to take off his wedding ring so that’s in the video while he’s doing all kinds of things. (She’s 15 years younger than him and a skanky drug ho)
I told him I want a lie detector since I can’t believe him further than I can throw him. He told me he will NEVER get one and that he will divorce me first. The audacity! He told me in the beginning, which was another lie, that he’d take one if I’d do marriage counseling with him.
I just can’t start to rebuild a relationship with him when he won’t tell me all the truth and the other secrets he’s not admitting to. Why would I want to start over on a ground of untruths and lies??? So now I feel like I have no choice except divorce. Sigh. I’m not relenting about the truth/lie detector. He’s just scared to death of the questions I’d ask. It’s rumored about him messing with like three other people. Mind u, he came home and told me all the rumors. I guess so if he was guilty then it would make him look innocent if I heard them. There were rumors about the chick he did cheat with, but it was rumors from before 2020. So did he do her back then, too??! 🤦‍♀️
I’m just so hurt that after all he’s done to me (there’s other stuff in the past like porn and stuff) he can’t come clean about everything and us start over, maybe. Why can’t he just tell me everything?? He just keeps saying he has.

80 comments posted: Sunday, November 27th, 2022

Eye lie detectors and lie detectors

I would like to know how a lie detector test works, exactly.
I would also like to know, from the ones that have taken it, if they are correct?
Did u lie and the test show that u didn’t and more importantly, did u tell the truth and the test said u lied?

11 comments posted: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022