My father married AP.
Dad died 7 years ago.
Both had three kids from their betrayed partners.
Both were the crappier parents but left spouses in such bad shape that they checked out, my Mum with alcohol and an interstate move, her husband repartnered, treated his new wife’s kids as his own, and moved overseas.
Part of the reason for the affair was that life had not turned out to be all about them and they ‘deserved to be happy’.
They stayed married for about 25 years.
Because the other parents took off, it still wasn’t all about them. They tried to make it so but couldn’t really. They had to try to parent.
None of the kids (and not even the pets) fully accepted the new arrangement. One didn’t at all.
Dad spent all his money trying to keep her content. She stopped work and became progressively more useless at things.
She was furious the funeral was not more about her.
The shared friends were mostly his friends so they didn’t come around any more.
The step kids hardly see her or each other.
The two families have reverted to their original states - the families made with the spouses they betrayed.
She met a new man a year ago and then he died suddenly in a tragic accident.
It’s all so sad I have given up the will to keep on hating. I just want to do better myself.