Rape is never ok.
But putting yourself in a dangerous situation is just dumb.
This woman didn’t get drunk alone and decide to go for a walk alone through a bad neighbourhood with a flashing sign that said "rape me". She was drinking with friends and agreed to walk home with someone who she had known for 10 years and believed she could trust.
Continuing with the tea analogy, you can make her 1000 cups of tea when she gives you 1000 "not no" answers to as long as you don't make her drink any of them.
Legally, yeah I suppose you are in the clear…. but dude, if you ask her 1000 times without a yes, you are most certainly harassing her. And if you have asked her a bunch of times without a yes, pretend to be her friend and then "persist again" when she is too drunk to properly consent, then you are most certainly sexually assaulting her.
It simply isn't the dynamic in the free and consensual sex of our society. Men are offering, women are saying no or accepting for the majority of sexual encounters.
If men *could* wait for a woman to want sex with us specifically, we would by in large do that. But we have no such luxury. Men have to ask for sex. If a woman doesn't say no I have as much a chance with her as anyone else that hasn't said no.
You are speaking to what I presume is your experience. Please don’t generalize for the rest of us. I assure you, plenty of women are perfectly capable and perfectly happy to initiate. I’d also like to point out that initiating/negotiating sex within a relationship are totally different than this scenario.
Generalizing again, which I don't love doing. A woman wants to feel wanted. Being persistent make them feel wanted.
I just love it when men educate me on what women want. I assure you, unwanted attention doesn’t feel good. It is humiliating and uncomfortable and embarrassing and annoying.
"I have a boyfriend" is simply not a no. It actually implies "... But I'd be interested otherwise". "We can't" "We shouldn't" are also imply desire to continue and are not "no". Often saying something like that just adds to the illicit desire.
Nope again. Are there people who use it as a coy "I-would-if-I-could-but-I-cant…"? Sure, I suppose but this is not that context, and I would argue that if you've gotten to the point where there is "illicit desire", the precise wording is not the main issue. As Alethia has pointed out, women have been socialized their entire lives to use soft letdowns to protect the feelings of others – particularly the (often fragile) egos of men. OP said the guy in this scenario was in a position of power over his gf – it makes sense she would be motivated to save his feelings. "I have a boyfriend" tends to work much better than a harder no because it saves the guy’s ego in the moment. It allows them to save face. I quickly learned to use it when guys would offer to buy me drinks in bars because "no thanks" was often met with unwanted persistence (keep shaking that 8-ball, right? ) and "harder nos" were often met with "okay bitch, you’re not that hot anyway" or a simple (but oh so elegant) "dyke". It also works because in a lot of cases, men will respect "the property" of other men more than they do women. (For example, by persisting past a 'soft no').
I get that this might be triggery for someone whose spouse failed to use hard nos as part of the slippery slope in their A, and I absolutely agree that if some woman was flirting with my husband I would prefer him to express that he wasn’t interested rather than simply pointing out that he was married. But as a 120 lb woman who has been screamed at by a large drunk man I didn’t know for saying, "No thanks, I’m not interested," I absolutely get it. In my own personal life, I have begun to use, "I'm happily married, thanks," (emphasis on happily) in situations where it is important to preserve the relationship.
Edit: say she gets in a car, hammered. Says "I shouldn't drive" then does it anyway and runs over her boyfriend. Does that make her less culpable for her actions?
Legally, yes. Assuming he dies, this is literally the difference between manslaughter and murder. Is he still dead in both instances? Yes, but her culpability is different.
Finally, thank you to all the men who listen to women on this issue and are teaching younger generations of men to do better.