SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you all for sharing! It is comforting to know I’m not the only one.

Oh that DAMN phone. I’m with you there. If I come around the corner and my husband is looking at his phone my stomach lurches. About 1.5 months after dday I had to buy a new cellphone. It was torture being surrounded by all those phones. At one point I had to leave the store because I felt like I was going to

* Almost any semi attractive woman on a screen (makes zoom meetings fun).
* Any attractive Asian woman. Sorry, I HATE that but I can’t control it.
* The word "chat."
* The word "profile."
* The word "cute"
* The word "thong"
* The word "prostitute"
* Infidelity on TV.
* The two names he used in his fake Facebook account and as a profile name on dating apps. Was reading a book out loud to my students the other day and BOTH those names appeared within a page of each other. I felt myself leaving my body.
* hotmail
* basement bathroom, especially if door is closed
* My own bed and bedroom
* South Korea
* My living room couch.
* The phrase cat phishing.
* My husband’s phone sitting literally anywhere.
* "Facebook"
* At this point literally any photo from the past. I hope that goes away but everything seems like a shocking lie. I hate those "memory photos" that pop up on my screen.
* Any beach or tropical scene. At the psych ward they kept showing those scenes for a calming effect and they just made me cry.
* Hawaii
* Any mention of selfies.
* If a person holds up three fingers.
* For some reason thinking about my parents. I guess I get overwhelmed because I know they never wanted this for me.
* Feeling too comfortable with him (someone else mentioned that and I totally get it).
* Portugal

I better go because I need to take my hydroxyzine (PTSD drug) now I am so glad I found SI.

* At this point literally any photo from the past. I hope that goes away but everything seems like a shocking lie. I hate those "memory photos" that pop up on my screen.

I didn't have kids with mine so made the choice easier, but I deleted every photo of him and tag of him on my sm the day we filled for D for the exact reason that I didn't want the memory popups. I highly suggest doing that.

Ok, I'll chip in.

AP's name, which is similar to my step-sister's name

The f*ing phone

Couch because she was on it. Thought I could get past it, but a different couch is in my future.

My car - AP has the same car but a different color. I love my car but they did carpool karaoke in it and posted on FB.

The city where AP lives. Heart has stopped jumping in my chest, but still have issues.

Valentine's Day because that's close to when AP visited and the PA began.

Infidelity in commercials, TV, movies. Didn't really like pre-A, but activated now.

A nearby town that we took AP to visit that we visited regularly.

Starbucks

At this point literally any photo from the past. I hope that goes away but everything seems like a shocking lie. I hate those "memory photos" that pop up on my screen.

FWH deleted all his social media profiles in May 2012 after Dday. I kept my Facebook but I deleted every single post and photo from 2012. Now, NO FB memories come up from 2012.

The phone seems like the object most of us started hating, me included of course!

Because the phone is how he contacted that person for his ONS, I started triggering whenever he got a notification... H has since changed his phone number and he shows me his phone without problems, even if I don't ask. But I still hate the phone.

Others triggers are the town's name, the hotel chain, the date, some scenes on TV. He got rid of a jumper cos it was the one he went out in that day and, even if it was a present from me, I just couldn't stand the sight of it.

[This message edited by Meridiana at 3:10 PM, Thursday, February 23rd]

A) WH's lying devious attorney who if I did not know better I would believe is a clone of WH and who abuses me and gaslights me by proxy for leaving WH and trying to go on with my life

B) I do agree with crazy blind sided tho that "My xWS is my biggest trigger. Interesting enough most of the A triggers went away when I left the xWS."

The rest of my triggers are related to either a or b

POS ow and the affair cheerleaders are nothing more to me than used gum on the bottom of my shoe... A nasty used up substance that I do my best to avoid.

I'm sure that my triggers will be very similar to those already posted but if it helps us all to feel a little less manic then here goes;

Jewellery - WH used to take his wedding ring off when she asked him to. There was a lovely older lady on the TV the other day having her husband's (who had sadly died) ring repaired so that she could wear it. I had to leave the room as my instinct is to think that in the same scenario I would (at best) stick WH's ring in a box and never look at it again. Honestly, I would prefer that he didn't wear it but he insists that it is more special to him than ever now. I used to wear a lot of items that I thought were important and symbolic - don't wear ANY of them now. The exception being a necklace that I bought for myself years ago that has my children's names on it.

The village/town/county that AP lives in and A took place - it's usually when we are watching something on the TV. Any mention of these places and it gets switched over. I have said that I want to be taken there and shown the pub that he stayed at and her house (that he stayed at too). I have no idea why and how this will help me but I feel that I want to see it. I may even resist the urge to post some dog S*** through her door.....maybe.

Songs...bloody thousands of them - some songs I just can't listen to but I have to say that some songs are rather therapeutic. My daughter has got me listening to a lot of Taylor Swift, Upsahl etc and there are some kickass songs that make me feel a lot stronger.

BMWs - WH had one as a company car and AP would be ferried about in it during the week and then I would be ferrying the children around in it at the weekends. Needless to say that we won't be having one of those on the drive again and I have a very negative feeling towards them when on the road.

The saying 'Living your best life' - AP says this. What a way to live a 'best' life, to knowingly sleep with a man that is married and goes home to his wife and four kids at the weekend. Seems to me this is just a way of saying 'Do what you like and have no thought for anyone else'. Living your selfish life....

Saying 'I love you' - AP said it to WH and WH said it to AP. Whether he meant it or not is irrelevant to me. It's ruined for me now and I feel pretty horrible when he says it to me and really just say it back on auto-pilot.

I'm pretty sure there are others and probably more to come that I haven't yet experienced. I hope that they subside over time but we're nearly a year since DDay and it hasn't happened yet.

We are all here and don't want to be or indeed would have ever chosen to be but sharing things like this certainly helps me and I do hope helps you too.

Jazz music. Never a fan before his affair. Now it’s banned from my home and life. If my H plays it - I shut it off. No matter what. It’s my only remaining trigger.

We had friends that would invite us to a restaurant that had live jazz music. I never went. Just couldn’t do it.

He got rid of his car a few weeks after dday2 - once I found out she sat in it — I refused to get in it.

We recently sold the house we lived in during his affair. The OW was never there but too many bad memories of that time in our marriage. Day the last kid graduated HS I decided we were moving. Three months later we did.

I threw out some shirts the OW liked (based on comments I saw).

Other than jazz music - nothing triggers me anymore. If it is something I associate with the affair - I just move on. I don’t dwell on it because honestly, everything could remind me of his affair if I let it.

Thank you chamomile Tea for your very interesting and instructive post regarding the Neuro chemistry of brain activation in response to negative stimuli. A counterpoint to the mesolimbic dopamine reward pathway enjoyed by the cheating spouse deep in the affair. Or as my sister puts it: " You the BS have the drudgery and the dirty socks to wash, while your cheating spouse lives in a world devoid of marital drudgery replrte with magical unicorns and orgasmic fairy dust

* Any male with a British or Australian accent (he was Australian).

* The country of Australia (wanted to go there pre-A).

* "Gday" (want to shove that phrase up his fat drunken ass!)

* Crocodile Dundee movies (used to love them)

* That fucking Geico gecko

* Movies / shows / songs that glamorize cheating.

* When people in my church come up and gush over WW as a saint (if they only knew!)

* When WW gets judgmental and self righteous (hypocrite!)

* The door to the room at our church where we went for marriage counseling during her A.

* A local restaurant WW and AP went to to celebrate her birthday a day before my daughters and I took her out ON her birthday (I was aware of the A, doing the stupid pick me dance, but she was so thoughtful and considerate to celebrate with AP the day BEFORE her birthday so she could celebrate with her family ON her birthday)

[This message edited by Knitaknee at 7:01 PM, Friday, February 24th]