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Okay, I thought I should get around to updating my Will now that I am finally divorced. It will be pretty basic as I own only one property and have very little else. I've got to decide on burial or cremation. I'll probably go cremation due to cost.

But here is my conundrum. It is a half-serious question,but I really do need advice. What, if any, instructions do I leave regarding my EXWW? I know her family will probably attend as we are still close, but do I instruct that she not attend? If she does attend, do I instruct that she not say anything? The thought of the woman who betrayed me in the worst way possible and destroyed my life, attending my funeral pisses me off a little.

But on the other hand, I know it would be super uncomfortable for her as everyone knows what she did and apparently, she still gets the occasional barb from mutual friends. The thought of veiled wispers and furtive glances in her direction kinda makes me smile a bit. Maybe I should reserve a seat at the front for her...

Personally I would ask that she not attend. She had no regard for you in life, why should she get an opportunity for fake crocodile tears after you’ve passed?

Also, in all likelihood she would be a bad distraction. This should be an opportunity for those that love you to grieve and celebrate your life. She was a cancer that you’ve removed from your life. Don’t let it back in after your death.

Funerals are for the family and loved ones to have closure, say goodbye, and share their grief and memories. They're an opportunity for friends to show support and respect.

You don't owe your XWW anything along those lines, so the only question is whether anyone else in your family might want her there for emotional support. Either way, you're perfectly justified in requesting that she not attend. Talk to your executor, or whoever would be making arrangements in advance to make sure that they understand your feelings on it.

I'm with S2F here. The service isn't for those who passed, it's part of the grieving process for the living.

I had the conversation with Mrs. Cap several years ago (pre-A). She had said that she doesn't want any type of visitation or memorial service because she "doesn't want a bunch of people gawking at her."

I asked "So, you would rather your kids, and maybe even me, be totally alone in the grieving process when you die? Do you see how selfish that is? You will have no idea who shows up and who doesn't, but you're trying to make it impossible for anyone left behind to have some closure."

Eventually, she settled on cremation and a memorial service, but no visitation.

The service isn't for the departed. It's for the living. If none of your kids/family want her around, then put that in your wishes and make sure those are communicated to her.

Captain said it! My brother was divorced for 20 years from the mother of his 3 children due to her running off with another married man. When he died, she came by herself to his celebration of life, as her 3 children wanted her there. I would hate to have been her. At least she didn't bring her current H. But my brother and she always seemed to get along whenever their kids had a wedding. If you don't have any children, I doubt she would want to expose herself to commentary by showing up, but you know her better.

Putting something about her in your Will gives her way too much attention. She doesn’t even matter anymore, I say leave any mention of her out of it.

When you move to the ethereal - those left on the planet all know your history and that of WW yes? no?

I'm with Tanner - no mention at all

Regarding 'last rights' - I think Captain Rogers has the best Idea.

Don't forget to note in your will who gets the ashes and/or what to do with them.

asked for mine to be scattered at sea

How would you know?

If death ends in annihilation, you wouldn't know.

If death ends in a welcoming into glorious paradise, you'd be distracted.

Why worry about this?

There are 2 reasons I would suggest barring her from your memorial service or funeral: (1) she's a drama queen who would cause a scene and make the entire thing about her or (2) her mere presence might distress your survivors.

If neither is the case, then she doesn't deserve a single mention in your will. You cut her out while you were alive. Everyone close to you knows that, and most importantly, so does she.

Besides, if your ex decides to come, it would only reflect well on you as a man so good that even his ex mourns him... even if it means enduring "veiled whispers and furtive glances in her direction."

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 1:39 AM, Tuesday, February 14th]

Take this suggestion however you wish (serious or humorous).

First, what does it matter to you if your XWW attends or not? Frankly, you will be dead, and it won't matter one bit to you.

If you want to be a mean assed vindictive SOB, then add a note to your will, that is to read out at the service.

Until that time comes, don't dwell too much on your XWW, as it will be lowering your standard of life, when you could look forward to positive things.

An upside of the letter to be read, is that you can let your venom out, and leave it as that, and go on with living a fantastic life.

Downside would be the impact to your family/friends that will be attending.

I'm playing around with the idea of cremation with my ashes being poured into the fresh air intake vents of her car... one last laugh from beyond the grave!

[This message edited by Justsomeguy at 2:40 AM, Tuesday, February 14th]

I'm playing around with the idea of cremation with my ashes being poured into the fresh air intake vents of her car... one last laugh from beyond the grave!

This has to be accompanied by a video of you laughing hysterically. Mwah - chef's kiss!