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Newest Member: 30yearsofheartache

Off Topic :
Driver's Permit

Topic is Sleeping.

 FamilyMan75 (original poster member #65715) posted at 4:39 AM on Friday, February 10th, 2023

So my daughter is fifteen and is set to start a driver's education course and receive her driving permit. I personally think she is not emotionally mature enough to have such responsibilities but my wife disagrees. My daughter is very impulsive and while she has made great strides over the past few years with impulse control and making smart decisions, I do worry about her using haver her license in the next year as a way to act cool. She has self-esteem issues and is easily influenced by others. While I agree that we can still maintain control by not getting her a car, and only allowing her to use ours at our discretion, and a lot can happen in a year when she can get her full license, I can't help but feel like postponing would be the best option. Any advice?

Me: 47 WW: 36 (serial cheater)T: 17 M: 14 3DDs: 15, 5, 4 Reconciled

posts: 482   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2018
id 8776916

tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:27 PM on Friday, February 10th, 2023

As a mom w/ 2 adult children I can understand your concerns. However until they get their permit, and start doing some local driving, you cannot determine if they will have the proper decision making skills in certain situations.

My son was very immature, and spent his entire life playing video games in the car, so he had ZERO idea how to get anywhere. The very first time I let him drive up to the local Dollar General, he honestly didn't know which direction to turn going out of our driveway. The first time he had to make the hairpin turn onto our country road, he almost put us in the ditch on the opposite side of the road. But he learned, and got better, and he was not in a huge hurry to get his license so finally at nearly 17 he got it. He wasn't promised a car and I think that helped w/slowing the desire to get his license.

My dtr was much more ready. She got her permit on her 15th bday, she got her license on her 16th Bday and I had ZERO apprehension of allowing her to to go alone in a vehicle.
My son is soon to be 26. He is still a horrible driver and his gfriend does the majority of driving. The one time he was doing the driving in recent history on our way to family vacation he got rearended. He just is not good and has bad luck as well. My dtr makes cross country drives w/o hesitation, and is a great driver. She will be 23 in this year.

Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19761   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8776961

zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 2:40 PM on Friday, February 10th, 2023

Driving with a permit and a parent in the car gives an opportunity to teach and for the teen to practice and learn how to handle a car.

In my opinion most kids should wait until at least 16 1/2 to 17 to get their license and should not be driving with other teens in the car.

There are plenty of kids that can handle the car but don't have the maturity to make good decisions.

You know your daughter best. Do what you are comfortable with. Maybe you can come to some kind of compromise with your wife? See how things go with her permit. While she has her permit see if she continues to improve with impulse control and independent decision making.

Good luck!! I was a bundle of nerves when my DD started driving on her own. It all worked out and I'm sure it will for you to.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3191   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8777048

Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:06 PM on Monday, February 13th, 2023

Former cop and father of several kids that maybe even now as adults don’t have the maturity I think driving demands…

My views are based on having to go tell parents their teens are in the hospital or worse.

Once your daughter has her permit take time – EXTENSIVE TIME – to have her drive with you or her mom in the vehicle. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING makes a good driver other than experience, and miles and miles behind the wheel. You want her to learn from you, and not Sue or Bob who think it’s all a big laugh.

When they finally got their license and were legally allowed to drive alone, I had an old beat-up unsexy vehicle they could use. They were typically large sedan-type, 8-10 years old with good safety-stats and underpowered engines. Only way to drag-race would have been to push them off a cliff.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 11547   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8777492

number4 ( member #62204) posted at 8:52 PM on Monday, February 13th, 2023

While you think she may use driving as a way to act cool, once she actually gets behind the wheel and gets some driving time in, she may realize how overwhelming the responsibility is. That all being said, I think almost every state has a minimum number of hours that a student with a learner's permit must practice driving before they can get their license. Also, whoever does the behind-the-wheel instructing will have an influence on reminding her of the great responsibility that comes with driving... meaning, hopefully they'll put the fear of God in her. I know mine did.

As a parent of newly learning-permitted drivers many years ago, I insisted that those hours practicing take place in a wide variety of situations: traffic, highway driving, nighttime, snow, rain, etc. I started them out in an empty parking lot at night and didn't hit the road until I felt they had good control of the car. Even then, I found driving at night for those first few learning hours was easier on my nerves because there was less traffic around. We had a large neighborhood near us that had a parkway (max speed limit 30mph) that split it in half for about three miles. We'd drive up and down that because it gave them a feel for controlling the steering wheel in turns and corners. And we didn't have to worry about too much traffic riding the rear of the car.

I know many parents aren't willing to commit the time required by their state - I know parents who signed off on hours that they didn't supervise; I think that's shameful.

I have to admit that I am wondering about your wife's side to this. As a mom, I was the main taxi for my kids. We lived JUST under 1.2 miles from their high school, so they didn't qualify for the bus, and we lived in the Midwest where it's dark in the morning when they'd need to walk to school, and many times sidewalks weren't shoveled. So I drove them to school. I often had to pick them up after school, then return them for extra-curriculars, and pick them up again when those were done. By the time they turned 16, I was so tired of hauling them around, that I was the one who insisted they get their driver's license. Our state also had a law on how many people could be in the car with them in the first couple of years they had their license. But yea, as the main form of transportation, you bet I wanted them getting their license at 16. I took #1 on the day of her 16th birthday, and #2 on day 2 (there was a holiday on her 16th birthday so offices were closed).

Also, a LOT can change, maturity-wise, between the 15th and 16th birthdays. A year is a lot of time at that age.

Me: BW
Him: WH
Married - 30+ years
Two adult daughters
1st affair: 2005-2007
2nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017
Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addiction
Status: R

posts: 1173   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: Southern California
id 8777531

StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 6:59 AM on Saturday, February 25th, 2023

I had the same concerns with our youngest boy. Xhole, like your wife, disagreed. We compromised. I was the only one who trained him to drive, and he didn't get his license (2 years later btw) until I was satisfied with his driving skills AND his maturity. I trained soldiers how to drive manual transmission vehicles up to 2.5T and passenger minibuses, so I was experienced in teaching driver's ed, whereas my x drove like an idiot. So that's how I still got my way with ensuring he was a safe driver before he went for his license.
Funny story, the lady testing him took a deep deep breath and gave an unhappy sigh when she started out. When she got back, she complimented him to me saying he was the best teenaged driver she'd ever tested. He tested on an automatic but he'd been driving a stick in all terrain with me for over a year. Get her her permit. Train with her a ton. Start her out in empty parking lots for a while. If you have a manual transmission vehicle, even better.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBBD: 7/2/2014

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id 8779357
Topic is Sleeping.
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