Some of you may have read my story previously. The condensed version is that my WW admitted to a 2 and a half year affair back in March of last year. We tried to reconcile, and she convinced me it was going well, but she went back to AP in May of 2022. I didn't find out until October of 2022, and it blindsided me. Turns out there were addiction issues as well, and she was hospitalized. Against the advice of most people on here and my friends and family, I decided to try again. This time she was sober, as she told me. I thought it was going well, but admittedly, I had a lot of trust issues and there were times of coldness towards her and I spoke harshly to her at times. One time in particular, as a for example I guess, she was working at the store where she met AP and where they had their affair in the beginning, and I saw on location sharing that she was working that store (he no longer works there). I sent her a message saying I hated her having to work that God foresaken store, and it bothered me that she even still could be in the place where he first kissed her, first fucked her, where they ran upstairs to be together and it all began, and I wished that damned store would burn to the ground. I was angry, and I just let the pain vent out.
Well, on Friday last week I got a call from an anonymous number. The called said they were a parent of one of my daughter's friends, and she had confided in her friend that she (my daughter) had caught my wife sexting the AP again. She confronted her about it and was sworn to secrecy for a myriad of reasons, but it was eating my daughter alive. The caller said she'd want to know if she were in my position, and she felt it was too much weight for a 16 year old girl to be carrying around. I agree wholeheartedly. I hate my children being in this. But I spoke with my daughter, and she cried and told me how torn she felt, but confirmed the story and showed me the video she had recorded of her mom's phone after she fell asleep. The video was her scrolling through the back and forth of all their messages. Messages reminiscing about the good old times and how badly she wanted him and all that stuff. Memories of the fun they had sneaking away together upstairs in that room. Them trying to plan time to get together and her telling him my schedule (I was working 36 hours of OT that week trying to pay off some of our debt, ironically). The part that hurt the most is that she had told him what I said about the store above, and they took turns laughing about how "dramatic" I am and complaining about how controlling I am. Then the story takes a weird, weird turn.
I confronted my WW, and she started crying. I told her I was relieved, not to worry about it. It was better to find out now than years down the road and that I truly wanted her to be happy and I wanted to move on with my life and try to create a future while I'm still in my late thirties. I told her I was relieved that I could start fresh and not always wonder if I was being cheated on. Deep down I was in agony, but I kept the stone face. I've forgiven so many times, I've never wanted anything more than to grow old with my wife I've been with since I was 16. I wanted to hold grandchildren with her. And all those dreams are now flushed down the drain. So she continues crying and telling me that she never met with him, it was a lot of talking, and that she only wants me but had gotten so low at how cold I had become and how mean my words could be at times. That was a bad night, and she didn't want him, but only wanted me to show care and love for her like he does. She wanted me to compliment her like he does. Wanted me to want her like he does. And she was so tired of feeling like I was staying against my will (and I have threatened divorce and stated I wanted a divorce multiple times over the past three months, but I think it was just pain and fear talking).
So she admits it, but then later that night changes her story. She says she admitted it because I looked so relieved, but it wasn't true, she had not even talked to AP. Forgive me if I confuse you, as I'm confused too. She created a new instagram account that is completely annonymous. That much is true, I know for certain. She created it because her closest friend is in a controlling/abusive relationship with a man who controls her conversations. She gave her the login information so she could log into it (like a shared account) and send messages to my wife that the controlling BF would never see. All this is true. I'll confirm that much. So the sexting messages were between my wife and this account that she created for a friend. Her story now is that she wanted to let me go, but she couldn't bear to do it, so at a very low moment with some alcohol involved, she concocted this whole thing to "let me find". She would have both accounts open and carry on the conversation with herself as if she were the AP. This would give me the smoking gun I need to "be set free". And she says she stayed with it upon confrontation because it looked like I was relieved and it worked. But once she sobered up the next morning she deleted everything because she didn't want to go through with the plan and wanted to "selfishly keep our marriage and keep trying". The problem was that that night after she passed out my daughter found it after seeing her over there hard at work on her phone like she was carrying on a long conversation (and she's caught her before, so she's always on high alert even against my pleadings that she not spy on her mom for me). My daughter sat on the video a few days before confronting her mom, but wouldn't believe her story. She nevertheless agreed not to tell me, and told me when I spoke with her that, "I'm never going to leave mom anyway, so why bother telling me..." So if it was a drunken plan my wife had, it was dishonest and crazy and it got away from her before she could delete it out because my daughter caught it. It's more likely, I think just looking at it, that AP had this account login information as well and used it just like her and her friend had used it in the past to destroy the evidence. I have no idea what to think, but I don't think it matters anymore. I've got a consultation with a divorce attorney, but this is still the hardest road I've ever thought about walking. I keep wanting to just wake up from this horrible dream. I guess i'm just venting and telling my story like a journal. I don't think I need any advice. I know what I've got to do. I could never trust her either way now. I don't know if it's provable that it was her faking like she says at a low point to "set me free" or if it was actually AP. And without that there's no way to ever trust anymore. As she's said many times, this time she's sober (off harder drugs anyway, she's not an alcoholic).
I'm sorry this got so long. I know I'm stretching everyone's patience in reading. I guess I just wanted to tell my story to a safe place where there is hopefully love and sympathy. My home feels like I'm living with a betraying enemy. My best friend is my betrayer. It's brutal. Love you all, and appreciate your eyes (ears).