So, as you all may have noticed, 😏 …I tend to be an over sharer.
I share everything. Especially to family or close friends who are involved with the situation or the person involved. But, obviously, also to perfect strangers online!(Although I beg to differ that you all are strangers to me.)
This has been a bit of a week. My middle son who has some emotional health issues has been having an ongoing rift with a close friend. She is mentally ill, and feeds into his issues. My observations.
My oldest son said something at some point that I don’t know about, and she began to tell my other son that they were both racists, and that I was the one who raised them to be racist. I asked him if she knew his brother is biracial. Yes she did. But, she held true to the fact that I have raised my two "white sons" to be racist. She has spread this all over social media and has blocked my son from communicating with her. She has threatened to vandalize our home.
This all happened about two months ago, and he said that he was done being her friend. I found out recently that their friendship was "over" mostly because he didn’t like anybody "talking smack about his mama". I was very sorry that he was upset about the end of their friendship, but I was happily surprised that he wanted to speak up for me. He has never really "liked" me much. Thinks I am wanting to make him be the kind of person I want him to be, i.e., sober. That’s the history. A tiny example of it.
Now for the present. Strike one…Yesterday my older son came to me and said that his very dear friend has been in the hospital for one month in a nearby town and he didn’t even know it. That he was in very critical condition. Would I take him to visit him. So off we go. I called my other son to let him know what’s happening and he says that this friend is one of his best friends in the world and he wants to go too. So we went to the hospital. I left them there with one vehicle when I drove home.
When the guys came home after visiting their friend, my son was almost hysterical. Talking about how this was one of the best friends he’s ever had, and this was so terrible and he just didn’t know what he was going to do. My older son has told me since then that his brother has hung out with he and his friend on four or five occasions, but that they weren’t close friends at all. I believe that my son has an issue with exaggeration/drama. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t think he is "enough" so everything has to be exaggerated to make it sound like a much bigger deal.
Strike two…That night I went to bed early and got up at about 2 AM to watch the queen’s funeral. I noticed headlights coming in through the blinds meaning there is a car in my driveway… At 3 AM. So I go out there to see what’s happening. Someone is letting off my son, and he is obviously intoxicated. I ask about it, because he has been driving my car to work since his truck has been on the fritz. He denies having been drinking. He comes in and gets into it with me. Tells me that I pissed him off because he can come and go whenever he wants to and he doesn’t have to tell me. I hadn’t even asked about that. I just wanted to know about the drinking so I would know whether or not to give him my keys in 4 1/2 hours to drive to work.
After a conversation, he tells me that he’s sick to death of me and that I make him want to kill himself. That I want him to be something that I want him to be, (sober…so, guilty) and that he knows that I just want to sit and watch Jason (the friend who is ill) die????? I asked him to repeat it, and he said the same thing. That I just wanted to sit and watch him die. I said I was done talking.
He was gone all day today, and finally called me in the afternoon and said that he had talked himself out of committing suicide this morning, but was going to check himself into a psychiatric hospital. He said that I had driven him to all of this, and named all the reasons why he resents me.
My oldest son is also upset with him, because he has pretty much had it with all of the drama. I tried to tell him that we don’t need to be upset with him, because it has to do with emotional issues. That we should be concerned about him. He didn’t agree.
Strike three is when my son from prison calls. In the course of the conversation he asked me how everybody’s doing. I really don’t lie to the boys, so I told him that Jason was very ill, and that his brothers were upset, especially the one brother. But that was as much as I told him.
So, 1000 words later, my question is this… Do I withhold the information about his brother being at a psychiatric hospital from my son who is incarcerated? I don’t want to add to his stress, but I don’t want to keep information about his brother from him.
Any ideas of how the hell to handle this in the least hurtful way possible for each of them?
Sometimes I feel like there is a kink in something in my life… That something is twisted in the universe and I need to get it straightened out. Do other regular people in the world have shit like this going on all the time, one after another, and I just don’t notice? Shame on me if that is the case. If that is not the case, what have I done to get things out of balance so badly?
I was getting so used to the ease and peacefulness of my husband doing better healthwise, and therefore less drama in our lives.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 1:54 PM, Tuesday, September 20th]