Hello Miss Sunshine (love your user name!)
I am posting for the first time because my story reminds me so much of yours. Many many years ago, I was in the same position you are in. I was engaged to my true love, and looking forward to spending my life with him. Halfway through our engagement, I found a letter written to him from a woman in Texas, a place he traveled to for work several times a year. I don't remember what it said, but it was clear that this was both a physical and emotional affair. I was devastated.
But I loved him so much. I let him talk me into coming back with the promise that it would never happen again. We did get married, and then, I traveled with him from place to place for our work. While traveling, I found phone numbers of other girls. I got angry, and we fought, but yes, he talked me back to him. (It probably didn't take much. I wanted to believe him so much.)
Some time went by, and one day, while cleaning, I found another letter. It was from the girl in Texas letting him know she had had his baby; a boy. I was shocked. And devastated. I always thought we would one day start a family...but...he had already started one. With someone else. I tried to get past it. The cheating, the baby, the collecting of others' numbers, but I looked into my future and didn't like what I saw. Years of hoping and praying that one day he'd change. That one day, I would be enough for him. I left him and he begged me to come back. For years he tried, but I was done.
It is now about 25 years since this happened. I am married to a good man. He loves me and would never cheat on me. He is a good and honest man. My first love was so charming, and seemed so sincere, but I have no doubt, that had I stayed, I would have spent years of my life wondering why I wasn't enough, and why he wouldn't change for me. I am so grateful for the girl I was back then. The girl (because I was 19 when I married him.) who had the wisdom and the courage to walk away and to make a new life for herself. Look carefully into your future, and make your decisions for the person you will become. Go to school, hold your head high, and live your beautiful life in a way that gives you the best chance for future happiness. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.
Oh, and that first love? He's been in and out of relationships, and can't seem to stop himself from catting around. There's something missing inside of him that he's trying to fill. Don't try to fill a cheater's void. There's not enough love in the world to repair it.
[This message edited by FunHouseMirror at 5:09 PM, Wednesday, September 21st]