I didn't think it would happen, but it did. My narc-y, cheat-y ex, unaffectionately (and previously) known as my hex, and I have been divorced for 4 years. Some of you will know me from before.
I was so grateful that after the divorce I had gone strictly NC and it worked. I had led my life, did my healing and thought I was so grateful for this forum and the sharing of experiences...I wouldn't have known about NC otherwise.
A few days ago I got a 'threatening' letter in the mail. It was registered mail. All very official.
A bit of backstory. He lives on the other side of the world, has since remarried (6 months after the D), and for the last 6 weeks, was on my side of the world, visiting my adult daughter and seeing the grandkids for the first time. You would think that everything is coming up roses for him. But no, he had to take a weird dig.
The letter he sent was soooo bizarre. I had to laugh...he had set it up with very legal terminology. I guess he's a lawyer now. It was so ridiculous.
Basically he said he wanted copies and a memory stick of all of my photos (yes, my photos of our family --he never lifted a finger and the photos were all taken by me over almost 3 decades), and if they weren't delivered he would seek compensation/ pursue whatever means necessary, blah blah blah.
Now here's where it gets weird. I had taken the high road (hard to do but out of fear I think, I did it), and had given him access to my photo albums during the separation. He had taken copies, and gotten memory sticks of the photos, himself. Paid for them. Done. Gave back my photos, (wrecked the front of each one by writing with a black sharpie on the back, supposedly in order to track them and where they go back into the albums...bullshit..it was like a 2 year old did this...it was of no help when I got them back. Everything was in disarray and it took me and 2 friends hours to try to sort them out. And they were never sorted out in the end).
Then, my daughters each got copies of the memory sticks. Ok, you would think it's all done right?
I told my adult daughters. Here's my reasoning. I needed to know if they had given him my address. (I didn't think they did, but I couldn't be sure--and I know that he could have got it by digging..he's very persistent). I also needed to reality check that I had my facts straight (that he had gotten the memory sticks, given them to them). So basically I chose to tell them that this happened because I needed to know, those 2 things. Both wanted to 'come to my rescue' and ask him where he got the address from. But I asked them not to because I don't want them to feel they need to fight my battles in any way. I just needed some factual information.
One was cool about it and supportive. The other one was fine in the beginning and now has severe boundaries all of a sudden, not to talk to her about anything related to our dramas.
I have a hard time with this--his stupidity is still impacting me and my kids.
I really don't know how to be with my one daughter, at times. It feels very gaslighty because she changes her mind quite rapidly. And it's confusing. I don't know where I stand with her. Then we have long conversations about it and things go fine for awhile, then boom.
There's more to it than this, but this is the main part of the story.
Open to hearing your own stories of resonance on this. When does this end!!!????
He's so petty. And if anyone 'should' be petty with all that was lost, it 'should' be me. What I mean is, as many here can probably relate to, he devastated my life initially, then continues to take unsolicited digs. WTF? He got everything he every dreamed of and he's still so unhappy. My DD says she sees another divorce in his future.
Sounds about right.