I understand that my post may have resonated with you. I'm sorry for what you have been going through.
The difference would be that you seem to have a genuine interest in your children and coming at it from a good place. Wanting to have a relationship etc.
My ex wasn't paternal. My youngest says this about him as well. He really had no interest in the children. Unless they could make him look good or he could extract supply from them.
Now he is 'trying' to be a good day. Why? Because he is feeling irrelevent. And he wants something in return. THis is who he is.
While I agree that the memories are joint, our circumstances are different.
I had given him the photos during the seperation for him to make copies (which he did, got the memory sticks, then didn't go pick them up from the shop. Instead telling my daughter to go do it, this while she just found out her dad was cheating, and 1 week before her wedding. My daughter and I are trying to figure out who went to pick them up. Was it her or me? Was it him? We aren't sure). Either way it wasn't our responsibility. If the pictures were so precious to him, he would have picked them up. And if he wasn't such an asshole he would never have put that pressure on my daughter to go do it.
So this can tell you what kind of father he is. He never had any interest in photos. He just wasn't wired that way.
Other times, she says I crossed her boundary because I referred to something in the past or I asked if she had a good visit with her mother. I never know which way the wind will blow. I totally get that. Same here. It's really hard to know what their reaction will be. This happens with my eldest, not my youngest anymore.
Now, I love my daughter unconditionally; I apologize when I feel it's appropriate; and I say I don't agree when I don't agree with her (my daughter). And I always ask, are you just venting? Or do you want my thoughts, feedback or advice? Sounds like a great way to move forward with your daughter. I like your approach.
I'd suggest you double check your divorce decree to see if all assets have been distributed and the decree is final - if not sure, check with your representative/lawyer/attorney. If its about power and control, let him have the pictures and be done with it. If you feel you need to stop this before there's a next demand, then certainly contact your representative/lawyer/counsel/attorney.
Everything was final. The photos were never part of anything in the decree. He's claiming the copies are his property. Which they are. So it was up to him to pick them up...5 years ago.
The other thing is...like my daughter said...he could have been decent about it. And just asked. Instead he had to threaten court action in a registered letter. Pathetic.
This is about me stopping the bullying. I'm not putting up with it ever again. I don't care about power and control on his part. Or giving in to keep the peace. I've done that lots. So for me, it's about standing up to him and saying no way, never again. And to get him to maintain the NC that I've fought to have.