My story is similar to many of the posters in this thread. I discovered my husband's porn use about a decade ago. I don't know how long it had been going on , not did i know it went beyond use and being an addiction. I stumbled upon it accidentally and was shocked and sickened by it.
He promised me he would stop , but of course he didn't.
Some of the details in the early discovery are blurry. I don't recall what prompted me to search other than him coming home from work in a horrible mood when we were supposed to go to a neighborhood party...I remember seeing images on his laptop that were graphic , including of himself.
He was very protective of his phone ( god how I wish I addressed that when it started )
I eventually had a second discovery when we were reconciling his credit card charges and once again , porn website charges were there ...each time he has been caught , he set himself up for it...it's bizarre.
His porn usage eventually led to a hookup in what was once our favorite city , followed by more meetings with what turned into a multi-year affair with this disgusting woman.
He kept bringing it closer and closer to our marriage , as he gave her a job working remotely for our business..when that wasn't enough, he invited her here to work a few months in the summers of 2015 and 2016. The second summer , he got sloppy and I became suspicious , but he calmed my suspicions
I look back at that time with so much regret that I ignored my gut.
I hosted her for many dinners during that time...we did social things with her and even held a going away party
I can't tell you how sick it makes me and all the tainted memories that continue to traumatize me still
It was November of 2017 when I learned of his affair. We were casually looking at pictures together on his ipad when suddenly, he realized there were things there he didn't want me to see...so once again guarding his devices.
I was so upset that I started digging. He went on a business related trip with our friend and I told him that he can't come home and I demanded he leave his laptop and ipad...which he did.
I spent two days combing thru emails and finally remembered that she had an iphone from us that she used , and that was how I found out..there were half naked photos exchanged , expressions of " love " the word soulmate was there and oddly , the very minute I had my proof ...he walked in on me having a mental breakdown
What a nightmare , and he of course downplayed it
We went thru several therapists and more than one DDay. We made a lot of progress , or so I thought until I discovered his porn use started up again . I know it had been happening for at least 6 months
He is back with a new counselor but my hopes are low. I just don't think he can stop his addictive behaviors and secret life...it's been a lifelong pattern in one way or another
Divorce is on the table , although I haven't made a move with that. I just am not ready yet. We are sleeping in seperate rooms and not intimate at all.
I just wanted somewhere to vent since I don't have anyone to talk to about what's happening
