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Newest Member: Stark

Just Found Out :
and the lies continued.

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 JustNonna (original poster new member #80456) posted at 6:38 AM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

Just found out a week ago WS lies just continued. I am just so confused and numb. He wants to continue R, I am just numb.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Jul. 28th, 2022   ·   location: Washington
id 8754780
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 6:57 AM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

Well too bad for him. His lies have now made the R false and restarted your recovery clock. Any continued lies after that will only sour the chance of R.

Sorry that he continues to set you back. Please take the time to step away from him and take care of yourself. Use it as a chance to contemplate what you want from this marriage.

posts: 415   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8754781
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 7:16 AM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

He wants R with secrets, not going to happen. He’s still in a wayward mindset. Detach from him and take care of yourself.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH M 31 years

posts: 1829   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8754782
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:05 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

So he wants to Reconcile so he can continue to lie to you.

Of course he does!😡. It works for him.

The confusion is that you trusted and believed him. So you don’t understand his behavior or choices.

But now that you don’t trust or believe him, your life will improve b/c you won’t waste time and energy on trying "to understand" him.

You will just accept he’s a liar. A chronic liar.

I’m sorry for you. I don’t see much to R with here.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12542   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8754790
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 1:33 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

Continue R? R hasn't even started yet

So sorry. Please take care of yourself and do what you need. This is so tough.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1336   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8754792
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BreakingBad ( member #75779) posted at 2:25 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

I'm trying to represent this accurately as a way to hold up a mirror for clarity, so please forgive me if I get some of it wrong.

Before discovery, you saw your H's character as solid and unquestionable.
You found out about his betrayals, and he confessed all before you went to counseling. He seemed remorseful and you forgave him. You believed you were in R, but often struggled with unresolved anger toward him.

Now you know the lies have continued.

Take a big step back. Create some emotional (and perhaps also physical) distance.

Have you been in R, or was it some rugsweeping masquerading as R?

Has he been committed to getting out of deceit and gaslighting?

If the lies have continued, is he really remorseful?

Create distance and give yourself room to take care of yourself and rethink everything.

"Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet.
But I'm way less sad."[Credit to group AJR]

Me=BW; fWH=online affairs with 3 APs over 2.5-3 yrs
Both in IC & MC
Married 31 yrs now
2 kids-both in HS
Attempting R

posts: 227   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2020
id 8754806
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 7:03 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

I’m so sorry. I agree with others that it’s time to step back and reevaluate.

You might find it helpful to share a bit more, and you might get better informed advice a d more responses that way. If you don’t want to, just know that many of us here feel your pain.

Married for 20 years with two kids when my husband had a six month affair with a coworker. DD1: 6/2020. DD2: 7/3/2020. Reconciling

posts: 236   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8754833
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WhiteCarrera ( member #29126) posted at 10:00 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

I read this in a thread last week, and I forget who deserves credit for saying it, but I believe it wholeheartedly:

"The best thing you can do when someone continues lying is to stop listening!"

If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen. Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband; her - wife, Married 13 years @ D-Day 09-02-2009. Now married 25 years and hanging in there (maybe by a thread someti

posts: 338   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 8754856
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 10:28 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

I agree that you can't "continue" R because it never started. How many more years are you willing to be lied to?

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2121   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8754858
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 10:42 PM on Sunday, September 11th, 2022

Who cares what he wants. What do you want?

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 870   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8754860
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 JustNonna (original poster new member #80456) posted at 4:01 AM on Monday, September 12th, 2022

More secrets are surfacing. I am numb. The last 16 months of R was a novel idea? A test run? What do you do when you discover your WS is Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? This just hurts so much.

posts: 35   ·   registered: Jul. 28th, 2022   ·   location: Washington
id 8754886
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Crazytrain101 ( member #48200) posted at 10:17 PM on Tuesday, September 20th, 2022

So sorry Justnonna, a kick in the guts after a car wreck is painful. WW's are quick to give you the easy truth, no details, thinking the sharing will cause more anger in reality it just causes more questions.

False R is debilitating, my WH and I after finding out about the ONE PA he had, announced loudly to our therapist and I that "he can't understand why I think there's more than the ONE other woman"!

We're a few months in, negotiating a new life, proper transparency, no secrets and it just stuck with me the additional things I had found. He dismissed it all. ALL the good people here told me over and over how masterful his cheating was and I should ask for a polygraph.

Week 7 of R, I couldn't take the not knowing what else I was missing or didn't know. Demanded a polygraph, appointment was set, the night before I noticed his demeanor was stressed, lots of pacing around, trips to the bathroom (stomach must've been upset) quick to anger etc.

That's when the flood gates opened, first the ONE I knew about turned into 2, then 5 then 8, then 13 that he "thought" he could remember.(Guess what--EVERYONE SAID IT WOULD HAPPEN)

I was floored, literally laying in a puddle of my own tears curled up in a ball begging for it to all just stop.

I made him right it all out, names, years, whatever, I backtracked some (very nicely) even made a few facebook friends..lol got the correct story WAY after R had begun falsely.

Make your demands, have him write it out and even go have your WH polygraph that the paper he's holding is accurate if you have to. You deserve more.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 10:18 PM, Tuesday, September 20th]

6 years ago-found out he was a serial cheaterReconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1749   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8756251
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