Topic is Sleeping.
sven ( new member #80286) posted at 10:09 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023
At least filling is going forward, you need to "uncouple" yourself from her as much/soon as possible.
I wish you all the best, and hearing how you have mastered the pain by now makes me proud, happy and hopeful. When I read your ordeal first, I thought it will take you longer to heal but here you are.
Well done brother!
paboy ( member #59482) posted at 12:15 AM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023
Just keep setting those goals. Get the best out of you. Your doing marvellous.
Western ( member #46653) posted at 2:24 AM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023
hey Troutman, I hope you new year is going well for you.
Move forward and live the rest of your life in happiness.
I saw your video on Reddit and I have read you here and never linked the 2.
You have tons of life ahead of you. Keep us posted.
FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 2:19 AM on Monday, March 6th, 2023
How is the new year going for you?
Are you moving out of infidelity to a healthier place and and becoming a better person?
We're here to support and encourage you,
Troutman523 (original poster member #80426) posted at 9:29 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023
Hi everyone, it's been awhile so I thought I'd stop by for a quick update. Divorce was final just after first of the year. Things in my life are good. My sons and I continue to have a great relationship and we don't make this the center of anything at all anymore since I'm not really thinking about it. Been N/C with ex since December and she's totally off my mental radar.
Toward the end of December as I finished my EMDR therapy I asked my therapist her thoughts on dating. She declared me ready based on numerous discussions of where my head was and most importantly how clear it was of EX WW. I thought about it long and hard and ran it by my sisters and even my sons. So...I took the plunge in mid-February on Christian Mingle since my faith is important to me and have been seeing a woman since then after going on dates with a few others. So far so good... We are taking it very slowly. What I find so amazing is the difference in communicaiton from Ex. We've talked about difficult improtant topics regarding relationships even early on; things that Ex and I never really discussed but should have. I said that to my son and he jokingly said "well, she's not a brick wall is she?" referencing his mother's inability to really open up to anyone. Therapy taught me a lot in terms of communication, boundaries and expectations. The woman I am seeing also suggested I read the Five Love Languages book, and it was eye opening. Ex and I clearly were on different pages on that and she never hit mine and I guess now in retrospect maybe I didn't hit hers, though again with her lack of openess, not sure really what those were...This lady and I are both VERY self-aware and I think that's why we've communicated so well. I feel like I have good radar for narcissistic traits and red flags and I'm watching things very carefully, with it looking good at this point. She even said to me "talk to me if anything I do gives you concerns and we will discuss like adults". How refreshing!
If someone told me over the summer last year I'd be where I am now at this point I would not have believed them. Therapy cost me a ton of money, doubling up for awhile there, but it was VERY well spent. No matter what happens relationship wise for me, I am a better person for it, and it worked wonders on removng the trauma and giving me tools to be a better partner and to chose better, and to not tolerate bad behavior on the part of another, even if it is as subtle as the silent treatments I got now and then from Ex. She has no idea how easy it would have been to fix any possible valid issues in out marriage with the proper tools. Her loss!
Anyway...thanks again to everyone for all of their help. I have no way to repay you but thank you from the bottom of my heart and God bless you all. I don't think I'm in a position to really contribute yet as I don't want to think about infidelity at this point, but there will come a time. However...if anyone wants to point a newbie to this thread and show them what is possible when they are in the darkest place of thier lives please do so. It's a long read but even I marvel at my own progression through it all.
[This message edited by Troutman523 at 9:30 PM, Thursday, March 30th]
Me BH:57, Her WW:54 DDay: 6/22. She walked right out on DDay and moved in with AP. Divorced 1/23.
Buffer ( member #71664) posted at 9:45 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023
Thanks for the update.
Glad to read that you are in a good place. Your son was right EX WW wasn’t a brick wall.
God bless and good luck in the future.
One day at a time.
Summertime22 ( member #79796) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023
So glad things are going well for you trout man!
You deserve happiness after everything you have been through.
I know what you mean about how trauma makes you stronger.
So happy for you!
FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 10:17 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023
What an encouraging post. Thank you for sharing your update.
It seems that you are you moving out of infidelity to a healthier place and and becoming a better person (note my post on the 5th March).
And yes, your story is one that support and encourage other people, thanks for your contribution.
May God continue to shape your life and bless your relationships,
1994 ( member #82615) posted at 10:26 PM on Thursday, March 30th, 2023
That's fantastic news. Really glad to see you thriving. While it's only been a relatively short time, and you've made incredible progress, just keep an eye on yourself to make sure you stay on your healing journey.
hardyfool ( member #83133) posted at 7:26 PM on Friday, March 31st, 2023
Thank you, this thread and your actions have been helpful to me. While our situations are not identical there are enough similarities for me to take something from this.
M1965 ( member #57009) posted at 1:38 PM on Saturday, April 1st, 2023
Many thanks for the update. You deserve happiness. Good for you, Troutman.
rambler ( member #43747) posted at 11:24 PM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2023
Good for you Troutman. Keep moving forward. It will work out.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 11:43 PM on Sunday, April 2nd, 2023
Thanks for the update, Troutman!
I wish you the best in all you do and am glad you have met someone and being cautious by taking it slow.
Whether you realize it or not, it's not that long ago that you were in a very bad place, and it really does take a long, long time to heal even when you are on the right path forward.
Keep us posted now and then!
sven ( new member #80286) posted at 10:09 PM on Monday, April 3rd, 2023
Happy and proud for you brother!
WontBeFooledAgai ( member #72671) posted at 8:34 PM on Tuesday, April 4th, 2023
Well-done, Sir! I am so glad to hear that you are out of infidelity!
Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 2:31 PM on Wednesday, April 5th, 2023
Congrats T-man! Nice to see some good news...
Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.
ChamomileTea ( Moderator #53574) posted at 11:23 PM on Thursday, April 6th, 2023
Gosh, we're all so proud of you, Troutman. You've gone from a guy who got blindsided in a thirty-year marriage to a guy who's building an exciting new life. Good on ya, man! Awesome update!
BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 40 years; in R with fWH for 8
Tanner ( Guide #72235) posted at 1:13 AM on Friday, April 7th, 2023
Wow Brother it’s so good to see you doing well. You came here and worked through the advice like we wish all new members would, you took what you needed and reclaimed your life.
Please check in occasionally, you never who you are helping.
Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R BH M 32 years
Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 3:16 AM on Friday, April 7th, 2023
I am so happy to see this update! You are amazing, and you’ve worked so hard to reclaim your mental health and your life. You’re an inspiration!
Husband of 20 years had six month affair with co-worker. Found out 7/2020. Two teenaged kids. Reconciling.
Topic is Sleeping.