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Newest Member: Beschaedigt

Just Found Out :
WW wife leaving for affair partner, 30 yr marriage

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Evertrying ( member #60644) posted at 6:35 PM on Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

WW not being familiar with my oldest's new job (since they don't talk) texted him that she'd come up to Massachusetts to make him Thanksgving dinner. He told her he would be here with us. That got to her. It's only going to get worse at Christmas, as she won't see either of them then as well. The consequences are rapidly piling up. She ripped apart so much in the whole family that can just never really be fixed.

It never ceases to amaze me how they think they can cheat, blow up an entire life & family and just expect that everyone will be OK with it. AND think they will come out smelling like a rose in the end. barf laugh

At one point and before my husband and I reconcilled, he was mystified when I told him "If we divorce, you will be dead to me and and I will never see or talk to you ever again". (We don't have kids so there would have been no reason to stay in touch) He completely did not understand that and thought we would still be friends and be in each others life after HE shit on what we had. What a moron. duh He did pulled his head out and we stayed together, but it just goes to show you how ridiculous their thought patterns are.

Good for you Trout for sticking to your guns and spending your energy on your son's and your family. It will get better. Your WW is really going to feel the sting during the holidays,,,,that is,,,,if she still has a heart.

BS - 55 on dday
WH - 48 on dday
Dday: 9/1/17
Status: Reconciled

posts: 1243   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2017
id 8764216
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 7:03 PM on Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

Yes it is "mind blowing" that the cheaters think the BS still wants to or will be their friend.

Total selfish delusional behavior on the part of the cheater.

I am always reminded of the story that I once heard about a serial cheating husband. The story goes that the husband was a serial cheater for many years during the marriage. The wife finally got fed up and had her own revenge affair. The wife, however, felt so guilty about the affair that she admitted it to the husband.

That husband immediately divorced the wife. His reasoning was that he was not going to be married to a cheater.

I think it stands out b:c of the hypocrisy of it all.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12781   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8764219
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 Troutman523 (original poster member #80426) posted at 12:26 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2022

Thank you everyone.

I really do appreciate all the positive thoughts. Amazing how kind people you don't even know can be.

Me BH:57, Her WW:54 DDay: 6/22. She walked right out on DDay and moved in with AP. Filed for divorce.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2022   ·   location: PA
id 8764252
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:35 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2022

Troutman. We have all been in your shoes. We understand what you are going through, having been down that road.

You will survive this. We all do.

It’s just hard to make sense of all of it so please do not even try. There is no logic to a cheater’s behavior or mindset. I almost drove myself bananas trying to make "sense" of it all.

In the end what matters is that you get out of the marriage with your sense of humor and sanity intact.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12781   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8764256
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rambler ( member #43747) posted at 4:41 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2022

You will not only survive, you will survive well. I know it is dark right now but in a year or two you sill be fine.

making it through

posts: 1350   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2014   ·   location: Chicago
id 8764266
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paboy ( member #59482) posted at 5:56 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2022

Time is the number one healer. In the mean time, set goals and go hard.

posts: 613   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8764272
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 3:52 PM on Saturday, November 12th, 2022

Hi, Troutman, just checking in.

Hope your Thanksgiving plans are working out well and you enjoy time with your family.

Even though I'm still with my WH, that first year of holidays were pure torture. The only thing that kept me going was trying to keep things normal for our three sons, one was in college at the time, one in high school and one in middle school. Every Christmas I baked and baked and baked cookies for family and friends, couldn't do it that year. My children did have a tree and their stockings hung and lots of presents under the tree. Didn't decorate inside much, I don't think they even noticed!

You will get through the holidays, maybe a bit bruised, but intact just like the rest of us did. smile

posts: 11665   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8764901
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 Troutman523 (original poster member #80426) posted at 1:50 AM on Sunday, November 13th, 2022

annb
Thanks.

Plans are proceeding for Thanksgiving nicely. Really looking forward to it.

I started EMDR therapy on Friday. The therapist took my trauma history, and there are really only two major ones that stand out, my Mother dying of cancer at age 48 when I was 16, and of course THIS. We worked on my Mom's death and illness thsi week, pulling out the emotions and memories of that. I did feel better afterwards. She wants to continue with that aspect next week before moving on to the affair. I'm encouraged.

Me BH:57, Her WW:54 DDay: 6/22. She walked right out on DDay and moved in with AP. Filed for divorce.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2022   ·   location: PA
id 8764959
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 1:05 PM on Sunday, November 13th, 2022

Troutman, EMDR helped me. My mom passed away when I was 2.5 and I lived with an angry alcoholic abusive dad (not towards me but towards my step mom and brothers sad ) until I got married. I knew I carried a great deal of baggage from all those hurts, but whew! The trauma of infidelity was the sucker punch that pushed me deep into a rabbit hole that took years to dig out of.

Good luck with the therapy, generally after just a couple of sessions you will start feeling better or at least become more self-aware, based on my personal experience. Lots of members in this community were helped with EMDR.

[This message edited by annb at 1:07 PM, Sunday, November 13th]

posts: 11665   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8764980
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Rocko ( new member #80436) posted at 2:34 PM on Thursday, November 24th, 2022

Troutman,

Wishing you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving and your WW chokes on a Turkey Leg!

posts: 15   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2022   ·   location: Where It's Hot
id 8766573
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 4:58 AM on Friday, November 25th, 2022

Troutman, I know you had a plan to navigate the holiday. Checking in to see if you and yours are ok and ready to face the next new first holiday as a reconfigured family.

posts: 1088   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8766650
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 Troutman523 (original poster member #80426) posted at 5:05 PM on Saturday, November 26th, 2022

Thanks for the Thanskgiving thoughts.

So both of my sons, both of my sisters and my one nephew were here. The food came off perfectly, and I even impressed myself with my ability to organize it all for the first time alone. It was the best turkey I ever made. It was really nice to have them all around me. I did have a real bad "moment" that afternoon, but got through it.

As planned, we put up the Christmas tree a bit early last evening before everyone departed today which was nice. Some new traditions. Still gonna be a long slog through the holidays but I am cheered by the fact that I will again have my sons for Christmas and they will not see their mother at all.

One day at a time...

[This message edited by Troutman523 at 11:07 PM, Saturday, November 26th]

Me BH:57, Her WW:54 DDay: 6/22. She walked right out on DDay and moved in with AP. Filed for divorce.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2022   ·   location: PA
id 8766807
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