SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm putting this here because there is somewhat of an infidelity tinge to this. Mods, feel free to move if you deem necessary.

WS and I do not speak at his request. In 2016 we ended our fifth complaint for contempt with a settlement and he told me he never wanted to speak with me ever again. Fine. WS is remarried (not to any of the OW he auditioned, however--at least as far as I know).

So obviously there is wedding stuff, but I stay away from him. I did have a superficial and relatively pleasant conversation with the woman he married at the most recent bridal shower. She's a bit on the tacky side (doesn't know how to dress for occasions and has a ginormous tattoo), but I don't have an issue with her.

My daughter invited this woman's children to her wedding. OK, fine. No problem there. Appropriate.

ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, the woman's child TEXTED my child telling her she couldn't come because her child had broken his collarbone. She insinuated that it was a recent event (as in just happened).

It had happened two weeks prior to the wedding.

My daughter was upset. Not because she has a relationship with this woman, but because her father requires her to be kind and respectful to his wife's children and his wife doesn't require the same from her children. In fact, she said (I was there) "My Mom and Dad raised me to be respectful and to have standards. Why doesn't she require the same from her kids?"

The wench hurt my baby on what should be one of the most happy and exciting days of her life. That conversation should have happened a MINIMUM of 10 days ago, and it should have been a phone call and not a text. The bridesmaids and my oldest daughter were all up in arms (one bridesmaid asked if I would look the other way while she pushed my ex's wife down the stairs--naturally the answer is yes). You see, this wench has a wedding reception coming up (about 2 years too late, if you get my drift) and my daughters are expected to attend.

I guess I'm just venting. No one with a modicum of manners would pull that stunt on the day of someone's wedding.

I will say this--I stole a march on the ex's wife the day before the wedding. The invite for the rehearsal dinner said "cocktail attire." OK, I bought a very flattering Maggie London dress in my favorite red and paired it with nice stockings, black shoes and a matching black satin evening bag. Oh, and pearls: earrings, bracelet and necklace. The dress was very flattering where it needed to be and very forgiving where it needed to be. I call for the elevator and step on . . . with my ex and his wife coming down from an upper floor. She's dressed head-to-toe in Target (not that there is anything wrong with Target, but it's definitely not cocktail attire), tattoo front and center and looks more like she's ready for a backyard barbecue than a nice reception and dinner in honor of her stepdaughter.

We exchange pleasantries and walk out to the front. As we walk through the lobby, several people stopped and complimented me on my dress. People on the apron in front of the hotel said something nice about the dress. I respond with my classiest comeback: "What a nice thing to say--thank you!"

Game. Set. Match. No one outclasses Catwoman. I'm proud I didn't say a word during the next day's drama, but it definitely showed me that there are serious chinks in the armor. My girls are hurt, their friends are hurt for them, and they won't soon forget this. Nor should they.

Cat

ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, the woman's child TEXTED my child telling her she couldn't come because her child had broken his collarbone. She insinuated that it was a recent event (as in just happened).

^^^I'm sorry she did this to your daughter, it was extremely inconsiderate of her to dump this on your daughter the day of. We are planning a wedding for my son and with all the preparations and probable busyness on the day of the wedding, I know my future DIL would be upset as well if one of her guests sent her a no-show text. Aside from the fact that the cost pp is $150ish that has to be paid upfront.

I hope your daughter was able to enjoy her wedding despite getting upset.

I'm also in a bit of a pickle with my eldest son's wife (she got pregnant, he married her ) who is the total opposite of my son who is educated and very successful. She asked me several times how to dress for the rehearsal dinner/wedding, and I told to keep it simple, little black dress is always appropriate.

I'm also in a bit of a pickle with my eldest son's wife (she got pregnant, he married her crying ) who is the total opposite of my son who is educated and very successful. She asked me several times how to dress for the rehearsal dinner/wedding, and I told to keep it simple, little black dress is always appropriate.

At least she is asking. That, to me, is a good sign. The other thing you could do is send her to a nice store and have her ask the salespeople for help in choosing something. If there is a Nordstrom nearby, they are really good with that sort of thing. My rehearsal dinner dress came from there.

Cat

Way to go living your best life!

I second Nordstrom! They have great personal shoppers. You set up an appointment, tell them your price point, the occasion, your sizes, colors and style. You can have a pre-appointment to get to know your stylist and then they will pull/order what they think will be best on you.

Mine stretched my style out of my comfort zone a bit- and I needed it. She also tried to upsell me a bit... reasonable but I didn't buy the upsell.

Nordie's doesn't charge for personal shoppers, has a points club and you can shop their Rack store and return either Rack or Nordstrom apparel at either locations. Ship to store (and try on return/keep) is free too. Their service is the best, their selection classy and modern. If any of the mid-price department stores survive, it'll be Nordies.

ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING, the woman's child TEXTED my child telling her she couldn't come because her child had broken his collarbone. She insinuated that it was a recent event (as in just happened).

If she never wanted to attend the wedding, why not RSVP'd that from the beginning? I do not understand people most days. I hope your daughter stil enjoyed her day. As long as her dad is married into this family, I think I would just consider them undependable/classless.

And the not know how to dress for the occasion: that seems to be more common place now. We attended a graduation party a few weeks back and I could not believe some of the outfits that I saw people wearing. I mean I get it it was casual but on a Sunday afternoon, can we at least wear shirts with sleeves and not tank tops? I mean they weren't even dressy tank tops.

I'm going to also give a thumbs up to Nordstrom. They were great for my son's wedding - so helpful and patient.

I'm sorry to hear this happened. I hope your daughter was able to put it aside and enjoy her day.

Having been through two college graduations, a wedding and a baptism since my divorce, I can honestly say, it's always some small drama with the XH at these events. Always. My younger son and his partner are getting married and already I'm wondering what will happen because they want to get married in the same city I live in. I know this will cause issues with his dad.

It's as if the same selfishness decision making that caused infidelity in the first place, continues on after the divorce and affects all other relationships. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Your daughter is a grown-up. This is a problem between several adults not including you. Since your ex has requested you not speak to him then anything that gets resolved will be done by your children and him. You just need to keep looking at up and showing up and being a great mom. His issues just followed him right out of your house into the house he’s living in now.

I would like to tell anyone who is young and getting a tattoo that what they look like on an old body is pathetic. Skin sags. So what was a nice beautiful tattoo in your 20s looks like it was written by three year old in your 80s. I saw this on an old woman and it was so shocking.

If you allow these people to ruin your day, that’s on you. Yes they were rude but I would never let it ruin one of the happiest days of my life. But that’s just me.

Yes people are jerks. Yes they are morons and lack class. But that’s their issue.

My MIL (May she rest in hell lol) decided the morning of the wedding not to attend. I found out walking down the aisle.

Not mentioned or discussed or let it ruin my day.

What is your daughter's relationship like with her Dad? That seems to be the real issue here. He cheated on you, he threw away your marriage and broke up the family, and yet he holds your daughter to higher standard of behavior than he does for his current wife and her children. Does she constantly feel the need to try to win his attention or approval? Does he play head games with her?

If your daughter has struggled with pushing back against her Dad, I suggest that she take her stepsister's upcoming wedding as an opportunity to do just that. If she really doesn't want to go, she should not go. Maybe she can plan a vacation instead, and politely RSVP (at the appropriate time) that she cannot attend.

She's an adult woman who has just started her own family unit; she shouldn't feel like she has to be pushed around by her father like an insolent teenager. She will need to be able to set her boundaries at some point anyway. Once she has kids, she will need to be much more selective about how she spends her time and resources anyway.

Finally, I'm willing to bet $120 (typically $100 but adjusted for inflation :-P) that your ex was really annoyed that you outdressed and outclassed his wife; he may even have taken it out on her in some small and petty way afterward. From everything you've written about him, he seems like an incredibly spiteful egomaniac who is hyper-conscious of how the women in his life reflect on him (as demonstrated by how he treats your daughter). In every other setting, he probably thinks his tacky and immodestly dressed wife is hot, but seeing her juxtaposed against you at your most striking and elegant-- and the recipient of effusive compliments-- must've made him fume.

[This message edited by LostOpportunities20 at 11:22 AM, Thursday, June 30th]

"If you allow these people to ruin your day, that’s on you. Yes they were rude but I would never let it ruin one of the happiest days of my life. But that’s just me."

I agree with this. Life is going to be full of challenges and disappointments.

Maybe there was another reason why she couldn't attend but didn't feel comfortable sharing. You never know what is going on in someone's life.

My daughter had one whole family back out the day of her wedding because they were sick and two other people texted or had somebody else tell us at the reception that they weren't coming. Yes we had to pay for their dinners and yes it is rude but who knows what was going on that prevented them from coming. My daughter just moved on with her day.

I dunno. This really wouldn't even register for a thing for me.

But, I got married less than a week after Sept 11. I had folks that couldn't come to my wedding, last minute, including one of my bridesmaids. Since I had a small wedding reception, even missing 2 guests was very noticable. It's clear I was down a bridesmaid in our pictures.

I had to completely redo our honeymoon in 2ish days, with incomplete information.

My parents had literally spent the 6ish months up to my wedding not talking to each other, or talking to each other minimally. THANKFULLY, my very dysfuctional mom was able to keep her shit somewhat together for my wedding day. They were back to completely not talking to each other a month or so after my wedding. Oh, and my parents were married.

DH and I still managed to have a great day. Like, we have pictures where you can tell we are so damn happy.

And like it or not, texting is how young folks communicate these days.

I'm *not* a texter. I have to change that, pronto, otherwise, I won't have a relationship with my kids as they launch.

TBH, if something like this is what takes up your mental space, count your lucky stars at how good your life is now.

"What a nice thing to say--thank you!"

Ohhh I like this!!

And the Nordstroms info...priceless

Infidelity stings and classiness is timeless.