SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’ll never forget this day, ever!
It changed my entire EVERYTHING!
Our "anniversary" is 7/6/2013, but since I discovered his other life, NOTHING has been celebrated.
To sum it up….
Met online 2008.
Married 2013.
I have 2 kids from previous marriage.
He and I dated for a year before I introduced him to them.
He lived 4 hours from me.
Visited me often.
Bought a house together, married, got dogs, had family picnics, etc.
Seemed to be the "perfect" relationship.
Discovered on this very day, 4 years ago, that he had been with someone else, years before me!
I can’t even explain the feelings of finding out!
Couldn’t possibly tell my kids, because they looked up to him so much.
Couldn’t possibly tell my family, for many reasons…
Still married, as a convenience, but more so, to protect my side of the family.
Pretty much summarizing today, as the "day".
Not looking for advice, but support!

Marlita,

Did WH wear red suspenders and a bow tie?

George Carlin said that anyone who does that is an asshole.

When someone projects a perfect image watch out.

Survrus,

Not funny.

Nor sure of your point either…

Marlita

So sorry you have had to face this. Has this been an on-going long term affair that happened while you were dating & married?

I see you are choosing to stay married. Has the affair ended? Sorry for so many questions but to give you he best advice and support, it might be helpful to know some details.

Are you getting done professional counseling for yourself? That might be a good place to start.

Please continue to post here so we can support you.

Nothing has been reconciled, we’re miserabley married still

That's from a not-too-old post you made
Friend – with the kindest of intent – if you don’t change anything and if you don’t demand change then why should anything change?

You were single previously – what happened when you married that makes divorcing so impossible?
Is the misery of the marriage really worse than the potential misery of a divorce?
Look at my tagline. Why have you decided to remain unhappy?

Please – I am not suggesting you divorce. Divorce and reconcile are two GREAT paths out of infidelity. I’m suggesting you demand your life be happy. If that is done through reconciling – great! If that is done through divorce – great! What is crystal-clear though is that it won’t be done through inaction.

  Moving to General

Couldn’t possibly tell my kids, because they looked up to him so much.
Couldn’t possibly tell my family, for many reasons…

Both of these are absolutely possible and should both happen. You need emotional support. You will get it if you tell your loved ones. Trying to maintain an image of having the perfect life isn't worth starving yourself of emotional support.

Dear lady, I am sorry he is such a louse.
But why are you protecting his image? And at the expense of your happiness?
I won’t get into why stay M— I assume you have reasons. But that can be separated from your happiness.
Do what it takes to be happy while maintaining your integrity. Hobbies, exercise, friends, career, and just plain old attitude.
Be sure you have your financials sorted so if he crosses the line, you can get away. (There has to be a limit of what you will put up with, right?)

And gently, what will your kids think if they find out later? Might be worth exploring. And I hope you are getting IC or support for you.
Your happiness is in your hands— go get it. Even when it seems elusive.

You deserve more.

Hi Marlita, I read your story a couple of weeks ago and even mentioned it at that time to my FWS. It is different from most of the stories that I've read on this forum, but betrayal by your one and only is still betrayal by your one and only. It is horrific. I have found that reading the stories helps me as I know that I am not the only one feeling these things and sometimes when I move through reading the different forums here - I can find something that helps me find some peace. This so that I can even put it away for awhile, so I can get through the next few minutes, days, weeks, and just find myself again. Remember who I am and what I want - instead of what he did and how it makes me feel. We're all here for you and each other. Hugs.