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Newest Member: Isabel121

Reconciliation :
Six years into R

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strugglebus ( member #55656) posted at 7:59 PM on Tuesday, June 7th, 2022

OW, I am not at all surprised to hear that you are doing well. You grabbed the bull by the horns, addressed your pain head on and advocated for what you wanted. That was the key for me as well.

You and your wife have done a lot of hard work to get here and I’m glad that it has paid off.

You have always been an empathetic and balanced voice at SI and I’m so happy that people here are still hearing your thoughts and experiences.

BS -DDay: 9/26/16- Double Betrayal

Happily reconciling.

Be True to your Word. Don't take things Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Do Your Best.

posts: 2550   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2016
id 8739068
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, June 7th, 2022

Hello Oldwounds

I haven't posted on SI other than a brief foray into the Just Found Out forum shortly after my D Day.

But I read here all the time. Your story has resonated with me for a number of reasons.

I'd like you to know how much your posts have helped me.

They have helped me frame what I want from reconciliation, what I want from my wife, but more importantly, what I want FOR me.

I think your words have made a miserably difficult journey, a little less difficult for me.

And I just wanted to thank you for that.

Hey Riddle67,

Anything that makes this pain a little less difficult for someone makes it very worth the time to share my story. Of course, the many members who helped me and share their stories really helped get me to a point where I can use the word "happy" again.

Thanks a bunch for the kind words.

Keep reading, keep healing, I wish you as good a recovery from this Hell as is possible.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739084
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 9:29 PM on Tuesday, June 7th, 2022

You and your wife have done a lot of hard work to get here and I’m glad that it has paid off.

So nice to ‘hear’ from the mighty SB — thanks very kindly!

Your last update was awesome to read, I hope your life is going as well for you and yours.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739085
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 2:59 PM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2022

Thanks for the great update and all the encouragement you give here. You have definitely helped me through the journey.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1516   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8739179
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2022

Thanks Tanner.

The "journey" we are on is something I have I have renamed, "Hiking through Hell."

I’m mostly on the other side of it, but Hellish scenery does pop up now and again.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739215
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hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 7:47 PM on Thursday, June 9th, 2022

A great message as always, and am happy to see the peace growing and growing for you!

5 years of hard work
Reconciled
WS & BS

posts: 6083   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8739389
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 5:41 PM on Friday, June 10th, 2022

A great message as always, and am happy to see the peace growing and growing for you!

Hey Hiking -

Ah yes, peace.

I’m glad you read that in there, I probably should have mentioned it anyway, since so many new members here fear they will never find any kind of peace.

At peace with ourselves and the person we are with was always the dream, it is nice to finally be here.

I hope things are going well with you and yours and the continuing adventures.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739650
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doninvaun ( new member #75329) posted at 7:35 PM on Friday, June 10th, 2022

If you do choose R, it only works if your spouse wants it as much as you do.

So true, it takes 2 to tango.

posts: 37   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2020
id 8739669
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 9:33 PM on Saturday, June 11th, 2022

So true, it takes 2…

It sounds simple and obvious, yet, in response to others here over the years, I think I have written, "We can’t do R by ourselves," 1,000 times here.

Usually, my annual update includes the massive effort by wife to get our M back online. Updates can make it sound too easy sometimes, but there was a ton of work done by her and her effort everyday still makes a difference in our rebuild.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739774
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Onward1 ( member #77367) posted at 1:29 AM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Oldwounds, thank you for the update and for all of your hard-earned wisdom. You've been a lighthouse for me over the last 18 months (along with others on this thread).

Things in life are most certainly not black and white, and people can change. Those realizations have been key to my R thus far.

All the best to you and your wife...

posts: 106   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2021
id 8739801
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 Oldwounds (original poster member #54486) posted at 5:18 PM on Sunday, June 12th, 2022

Onward1-

Thanks for the kind words, and "hard-earned wisdom" is unfortunately, part of the deal for all of us.

I hope you are healing up and you and yours are doing better.

Married 34+ years, together 40+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived
Restoration takes time.
"Circumstances don't make the man, they only reveal him to himself." ― Epictetus

posts: 4352   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2016   ·   location: PNW. The adventure continues.
id 8739862
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