SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Prostate cancer got him.

We had been friends back in the day, in a friend circle, so in seeing what our shared friends were up to, I randomly tracked what was up with his life. He got married to a woman with two young girls, appeared to have had a great relationship and was a good father, so good for that. All of the outpouring of tributes on Facebook are a little nauseating, but expected.

I had contemplated visiting him one more time, as I knew he was sick. I had also sworn to piss on his grave, but I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm glad he went first and I outlasted him. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Certainly not sad, but also really not happy. The whole thing was just a human tragedy.

The wife doesn't know, and I'm not going to tell her. My secret.

Cheers...

My dad left us for a childless woman when I was 12 and my mom was 43, after 5 kids.

He died of cancer about 10 years later , and wife #2 lived into her 70s, eventually also dying of cancer.

My mom lived to six weeks past her 90th birthday, and outliving both of them is the only thing I ever really saw her gloating about. Fair enough. It is what it is, and it's ok to gloat just a little.

My wife's OP died seven years after her A. His XW (from before his his A with my W) shared the news on an online site that we both visited. As you say, all the tributes from those who didn't know what a POS he was (and probably a few who did) where tough to stomach.

I felt indifferent. While I wasn't happy or sad that he was dead, I felt bad of his child who I imagine loved his dad like any kid does. I guess I was relieved that this man who knew things about my W that I can never know was no longer out there. And that I don't have to worry that if something happens to me that she might decide to get back with him. She says that she's repulsed by the very thought now, but who really knows?

OM died alone in a home accident that he might well have been saved from if someone had been there with him. I see that as a little karmic justice for his penchant for pursuing married women instead of finding a wife of his own.

Nothing wrong with watering the grass on his grave.

Tape a sheet of paper on it, too "This bastard had an affair with wife. Rot in hell."

Short story:
My sister married an abusive man. He did all the classic manipulative moves like move far from friends and family and then did immense physical and psychological damage to her. When my parents eventually figured out what was going on they were on the next plane and brought her home. She had the sense to divorce him and despite a short marriage (2 years) she needed years to recover.
Since then, she’s moved on. Great career, married a wonderful soft giant and has proud independent daughters. The ex husband is history and wasn’t mentioned in my family.

About a decade ago we had a family dinner. Over the main course my sister mentioned that her ex-husbands younger sister had sent her an e-mail to let her know the ex had passed away from cancer. We finished the dinner and in classic at-that-time manner my mom, the wives and sisters cleared the table and did the dishes. My dad called me and my two brothers into his office and got out the expensive $$$ whiskey he had been given on his 70th birthday. Poured four tumblers and gave a toast to "good news".

To me that’s the role a former AP should have. Basically none. Shouldn’t live in our minds rent-free, shouldn’t take time from our daily routine. I don’t think my dad was toasting his death, but rather toasting that now there was no way the SOB could impact his family.

Yeah, with his passing I have this weird sense of, now who am I going to hate?

I’ll be drinking a beer tonight with sone friends. My quiet celebration.

Yeah, with his passing I have this weird sense of, now who am I going to hate?

You can still hate dead people. When the reaper catches up with Putin, there's entire countries that are not going to stop hating him.

I remember your story quite well. Truly one of those appallingly horrible situations.

Why are you keeping the death from your wife? Do you fear she might grieve?

Can't say for sure, but I probably will make a point of pissing on my wife's AP's grave.

Why are you keeping the death from your wife? Do you fear she might grieve?

Not 100% other than that I just don’t want to.

Fact is I’ve had a emotional relationship with the OP, and even though it has been based on hate and has been strictly one way, it’s been mine. I don’t feel like sharing the disruptive news in my relationship with her.

On the hating after death, or forgiving after death, I am 1000% sure he won’t care. Fact is, he hasn’t cared for years. Im the only person it has had an effect on. Him being burned up into dust makes that even more clear now, but it should have been before.

I think the indifference you are feeling is healthy and appropriate. A small toast is perfect.
The universe just took out the trash.

I do feel for his family- they were innocents in this. But that doesn’t change that he did bad things.

Process as you wish, tell your wife or not. Doesn’t matter anymore. I hope you let go of the weight of the hate.

We had been friends back in the day, in a friend circle

The greatest of all sins is the willing betrayal of trust.

One less worthless piece of backstabbing shit that has no problem traumatizing a family and especially children who felt safe in that family as their foundation.

One thing that adds a minor level of complexity to the how I feel about it process, is I have known that he had prostate cancer since 2017, and could randomly watch his wife post things about it on Facebook. It was clear in December 21 that he was going to shuffle off the mortal coil pretty soon… which is right about when I diagnosed with prostate cancer also.

Now, what he had was bad and relentless and what I have is low grade and I will most likely die of something else, but it did give me a weird WTF vibe. Kind of like, oh, well then there’s two things we’ve shared.

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 11:57 PM, Tuesday, May 17th]

The memorial was on Saturday. Now the forgetting begins, as everyone gets on getting on with their lives, and the AP fades away. Looks like ashes were scattered, so no tombstone to piss on. That was my last item on the to-do list related to him. Oh well…can’t have everything.

House of Plane,

Prayers for your recovery, both infidelity and cancer.

HOP, glad to see you have a nice little karma time. And, yeah, go piss on his grave.

It should be a nice celebration, quiet or not. I wish my WH's AP was dead or would die a horrible death too.

Here's hoping you'll beat cancer quickly. Take care.

Sending healing mojo, HoP.

Bump

Thanks for the mojo, Sisoon, and the bump BSR.

OP is still dead, by the way. :)

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 12:14 AM, Wednesday, October 12th]