Dr., I get the thought process I of involving your CT in the discussion about informing the OBS.
My WW, prior to dday, had sessions with a psychiatrist to address depression and issues with her side of the family. The A was brought up with the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said to my WW "since you say you won’t do it again and you feel regret and remorse, what good would telling you husband do?".
While I agree in theory, my WW was NOT done with the A, but she took parts of his advice to not inform me, because, what good would come of it?
When we attended counselling together with a psychologist, I raised this as a sticking point. The psychologist basically, without throwing the psychiatrist under the bus, said "I feel this is terrible advice, and I would have had a different approach".
Like all professions, there are good and bad. Not saying your CT is bad, but as others have said, their job is to help your marriage. They aren’t being paid to help the other betrayed partner.
What good would it do? From my perspective, at least I would be given the opportunity to make my own decisions based on facts. I believe this is why a lot of the good folks here are pushing this. It truly isn’t meant to be punitive to the OM or your WW, it is simply giving this poor woman agency to make her own decisions based on the truth, which the majority of betrayed spouses would likely tell you they wished they had on and after dday. In hindsight, and even having gone through hell, I would have wanted to know. Being in the dark with other people knowing your partner is betraying you is a horrible feeling.
The other benefit is that the affair, all of the sudden, is blown up and now everyone that should be aware of it it, and pops the balloon so to speak. There aren’t any dirty little secrets between the AP’s. As BS’s, you can discuss information to verify what these two proven liars telling you and the OBS.
If you read the adultery subreddit, you will find all sorts of people saying how horrible it was that they were "ratted" out by the AP’s spouse, and that people need to mind their own business. Well, when some asshole was screwing my wife, I absolutely feel this is my business! That cesspool known as the adultery subreddit is also useful in terms of the information being unfiltered. Like the news, I like to get a bunch of different takes on a particular issue. That subreddit certainly opened my eyes when it comes to the "cheaters handbook", deny, deny, deny and never give up your AP, no matter what.
There have even been posts about women getting pregnant from their AP’s and asking people if they should try to pass off the child as the husbands. And to add to it, are sooo worried that their AP might freak out and dump them!! Just sick, sick shit.