SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My WS cheated on me 2 months ago (at least what I know about). She’s asked for a divorce and we’ll be seeing a mediator next week. I struggle with anxiety. My IC tells me that anxiety is often anger turned inward or repressed. This would make sense since I always feared expressing anger to my WS since she would always pull away and become emotionally and physically unavailable. Here’s my question: have you guys found healthy ways to get at and release that repressed anger? Often I can’t even get to it, let alone release it.

I used to sit on my stoop, with my arm around (my son's) dog and howl. I'd sit in my car and scream until I was hoarse.

Other people use punching bags of work out. Freeze water in paper plates and use a baseball bat on the frozen plates. Go to a place that lets you use a sledgehammer on junk.

I've never known rage like infidelity.

Screamed in my car. A lot.
Exercise like a mad woman
Punch pillows
Journaled and talk therapy
Ended up on an anti- anxiety drug for about a year- it just took the sharp edges off.

Anxiety is awful. I would pace like caged tiger.

It gets better.

I was always pretty good managing my anger but the past week where I had some real bad episodes of rage. I couldn't recognize myself. I didn't hit or hurt STBXWH but I was screaming at him saying everything I could think of to hurt him. And I hate him for doing this to me. I'm not sure how to control this episodes of anger but my goal is to not let him do this to me ever again. My plan is to detach, disengage and ignore him.

Oh I also texted the OW out of anger but didn't say any profanity or call her names LOL. I tried but couldn't control myself LOL

After I dropped my daughter at school this morning I took the long way home and screamed my head off a few times. That helped a little. I felt more anger coming up. I get the sense there is A LOT of anger crammed down inside of me. Hopefully it helps to get it out. Of course I have to some home to the WS and be relatively civil. I don't want to have conflict around the kids. I guess I'll keep trying this and see how it goes.

Scream into the toilet, then flush it. It's cathartic and symbolic

@nothisfriend I'm going to try that!!

I've also started journaling all the reasons i'm mad. Let me tell you the reasons just kept coming and it was helpful to get them down on paper.

I tried to get rid of my anger by drowning it, but it didn't work. All I got was a headache the next morning. After that I just put all my effort into my work and my kids. I figured anger wasn't helping.

Some friends of mine just had a bday party at a break room - that's where you get to take a bat or sledgehammer and just... break shit. They have windows and plates old computers/tv's and all sorts of other things that make satisfying noises when you smash them. She was telling me about it and post-dday I could have used something like that for sure!

My son went to one of the break rooms. They even had cars outside that you could sledgehammer. He thought it was great.

I've heard of people freezing water in paper plates and using the for batting practice. I suppose you could use ice cubes if nobody is around to be hit by the projectiles.

In a sudden fit of frustration, I slammed the dishwasher shut yesterday and broke a glass. So unlike me. @#$%?!!? WS doesn't care about the dishes. I'm only punishing myself. Anger is such an uncomfortable feeling. I can repress it, but I can't shake it. I'll try the screaming-in-the-car trick.

I went for LONG walks in the woods. I'm quite sure I looked like a raving madman shouting at clouds.

It seems that most of the comments on this issue involve yelling/screaming and/or breaking stuff.

I went an entirely different route... I *built* things. Before we separated, I re-built our deck. After the divorce separated, I re-modeled my girlfriend's basement. I also did a lot of landscaping. I found physical labor to be very cathartic.

People may go walking or chop wood or take up a sport or go fishing. Sometimes writing it all down on paper and then ripping up the paper or something helps let out the emotion. I find writing helps me, but then it is usually in email form and so you need to be careful if you type emails that you don't hit send because you can't take words back.

I rode my mountain bike and road bike a lot. I joined a gym and lifted a lot of heavy stuff over and over (including my own fat ass). I walked miles and miles. I tore up and rebuilt a flower bed. I listened to a lot of music whenever the anxiety voices got too loud in my mind. I drove around for many hours and took in the sites and views of my area. I made some new friends and went kayaking. I filled up quite a few notebooks with rambling free writing.

I did anything and everything to keep myself distracted. I spent as much time outside as I possibly could. I'm convinced that vitamin D helped me as much as anything. Much of this was pre-pandemic, but the lockdown didn't keep me inside - it just gave me an excuse to keep moving.