Newest Member: PeanutButterPixels


Me: BS | Him: WS | Children: Grown | Married: 36 years at DDay Feb 2021

WH back in the hospital

Before DDay my WH was admitted to the hospital for a serious health condition. At the time I was feeling so concerned, in tears, anxious that I might lose him. Eleven months later, after discovering his years of betrayal, I remember thinking it would have been easier had he just died. I would have never had to know the truth, never experienced the pain infidelity. I could have been a respectable, grieving widow. I was ashamed of myself for even having such thoughts, but there it is. Instead, he got better, continued to indulge in an unhealthy lifestyle and, turns out, continued his philandering. Even that life-threatening event did not make him reevaluate his choices.

Fast forward to today, now 20 months past DDay. I'm over the head-reeling experience of discovery and into the slow burn of living with a known serial cheater. We are trying both to make recovery work. And now he's back in the hospital for a more serious version of the same health issue. Of course I am concerned for his health, but it's not the same. Part of me thinks I don't fear his passing, I fear his living, (and all signs say he will live, BTW). I signed up for sickness and health with a pure love that was reciprocated, forsaking all others, a love worth sacrificing for. Yes, I still care for him, but I did not agree be a nursemaid for the unworthy and ungrateful. How will I manage if he becomes incapacitated?

Again, I am ashamed of my thoughts. I know I'm tired and struggling to take care of home and work and go to the hospital everyday. Did I make a mistake by not leaving him on DDay? Why did I stay if I feel this way now? Mr. Cocky is an old man, flat on his back with monitors, probes and tubes going every which way and I'm wondering what he is thinking about his pretty nurses. barf I don't want this to be my life.


9 comments posted: Monday, November 6th, 2023

Brain Teaser

I find it chillingly cold if he can simply say "thanks and goodbye" to her and that it…..Seeing people as disposable is not a sign of a mentally healthy person.

This! The above was said by Bigger in response to EmptyGlass’s JFO post. This is exactly how I feel about my WH, a man who has been having one or two year-affairs with different women for over decade, having met them on EHarmony or such. These women were single and looking for a real relationship. They, too, were duped. They gave up a couple precious years hoping to foster a real relationship. How can anyone be so callous and selfish? If true, I have only compassion for these women.

Also, if true, how can I remain with some so callous, cold, and calculating? He gave them a fake name, said he was single, yada yada. But how could they have believed all this malarky? Wouldn’t they have checked him out, wanted to meet his friends and family, know where he worked, see his LinkedIn account? Yet, to me, he seems so genuine in his desire to stay married. He’s done with affairs, committed, blah, blah. He’s caring and concerned, he reading the books, he’s so sorry. While in his presence, I can’t really feel my own disbelief. But within an hour of being apart my head is swirling with the conflicting messages. There is a big disconnect here and I can’t put my finger on it.

It’s been six months since Dday. I am only becoming more confused, at his behavior, as well at my own. Why can’t I see his true being? Why would I stay with someone I know to be so cunning and manipulative? Why do I believe there is a good chance at reconciliation when I now know him for what he is? Why don’t I feel he is being cunning and manipulative towards me? It’s like looking at the old lady/young lady picture. Each version is true and compelling, shutting out the other, but at a second glance, the other version appears, just as true and real.

7 comments posted: Sunday, July 31st, 2022

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