My father married AP; 3 kids each family, spanning ages 14 to 21, 2 dogs.
Dad and stepmother had this blended family idea. Cordial on the surface, but a lot of resentment underneath.
Really, my father was continuing to act selfishly, and was not prioritizing the bio family he had created. He was a clever and gregarious man, but not honest. She was pretty, but vain.
6 years after my Dad’s death (I.e. now) I would text my stepmother a few times a year, and see my step siblings once a year. My bio brother and sister don’t see them at all.
Not even the dogs blended.
I quite like my step siblings, in fact we were neighborhood friends pre-affair. The affair ruined that. We had some mutual sympathy for having been dealt the same bad hand. We were each out the door as soon as we were able.
It’s easier to let the past be past and each lift ourselves up individually by our own bootstraps.
The family I started with didn’t make it and I simply had to do without for 25 years till I could make my own. The fractured stuff that remains goes back to the families of origin, on both sides, none to the blended family.
You don’t have the burden of an affair tainting this relationship. If your kids respect your new spouse and he is a kind and attentive man, you might make it. Please be circumspect about the ‘blended family’ thing, however. Perhaps there is a more thoughtful approach.
For me it felt like I couldn’t even access good past memories, because the family of origin stuff was not being respected and was given no room to develop naturally. We just had decisions foisted in us and eventually walked away.
Maybe cohabitation is a better word than blended.
[This message edited by straightup at 12:56 AM, Friday, December 24th]