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Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo

New Beginnings :
So after a few years…

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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 4:38 AM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Guy is moving in with us. We live close and have essentially been sharing homes for quite some time. I had wanted to take it super slow and have done so. I also still don’t want to get married. I don’t think that part will change. That part is broken. He’s still patient about that and does not pressure me. I’m excited and scared to death. Is that even normal? I second guess everything now after the crap I went through. I am ready for living together, he’s a good man. It’s right and relaxing. I am just unsure if I know what I’m doing in life.

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8700562
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devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 3:38 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

Congratulations!

Yes, being scared is normal.

Just don't Wallpaper over (make excuses for) any red flag behaviors.

Me: 2xBS b 1962
xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.

posts: 5109   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2014   ·   location: Central USA
id 8700586
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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 9:15 PM on Sunday, November 28th, 2021

I’ve never seen anything with him to suggest a red flag so I’m hopeful, but forever cautious. Thank you for the reassurance.

[This message edited by deena04 at 1:42 AM, Monday, November 29th]

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8700604
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:05 PM on Monday, November 29th, 2021

So happy for you, Deena!!

Just go be happy with Guy - you don't have to be married to live your best life with your best friend. smile

Sending hugs!

Lala

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8664   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8701637
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 6:12 PM on Monday, November 29th, 2021

I have a pretty similar story. I officially moved in with my GF a year ago in July/August, but I did so mostly for financial reasons. I was spending way more money than I was making due to a combination of factors. I still pay the GF "rent" but it's way less than I was paying to rent my own place.

And... she's now pressuring me to get married, which I don't want to do. Most of it is just 'old wounds' from my bad marriage/divorce (~90%), but some of it is related to the relationship too.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5156   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8701644
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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 3:30 AM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

Barcher, I’m not getting married either. I’m sorry you are being pressured. So far, I fear it, but he says he gets it. The one thing I refuse to do is be pressured into giving in. We should make a deal to remind each other of that.

Lala, thanks. He is my best friend. That is a fact!

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8701720
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JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 4:26 AM on Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

Congratulations! This is big and scary, but also happy news!

And I totally get you on the marriage thing. Zero desire for that.

posts: 9446   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2010   ·   location: Southeast US
id 8701724
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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 2:06 AM on Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

Thank you! Marriage is a deal breaker for me right now. I just hope he always gets me the way he has these years.

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8702065
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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 4:48 AM on Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

Side note: he finished moving his things today. He is renting his house to his son. He owns it so that works. I was not ready for him to just sell it… Baby steps. The sidenote part is that I was happy today with him finishing moving in. This just also happens to be the d-day from my ex eight years ago. It did not even occur to me until just now at 10:45 PM that it was the old D-day. This day used to suck and give me heavy anxiety and now it was just happy and I didn’t even think about it. I took this day back and didn’t even realize it.

Me FBS early 40s
Him XWS mid40s (lovemywife4ever), D
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
Free and loving life

posts: 3143   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 8702074
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