Newest Member: AcesEights

Divorce/Separation :
"Is it still over? Are we still through? Since my phone still ain't ringin', I assume it still ain't you..."

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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 3:23 PM on Monday, November 15th, 2021

The desperate phone calls to talk about contrived non-issues....the creation of drama to give him an excuse to "reach out"....the way he still uses "we" and "our" to discuss the wrapping up and severing of our legal and financial ties...

AMUSE ME TO NO END. There is no "we", motherfucker.


The closer we get to the final date, the more desperate he becomes to stay relevant in my life. Until I get the final stamped docs from the court, I am not blocking him just in case I need his cooperation to get things wrapped up. That is the ONLY reason he is not blocked on my phone (he already is on social media, no reason to make it easy for him to creep my page).

He makes up stupid reasons to call and text, and I am so sarcastic and mean and he just keeps coming back for more. Ha ha. It's annoying but also strangely gratifying.

Last night I was watching The Harder They Fall on Netflix...and this dialogue happened.

Person A: (says something annoying)

Person B: I'd rather be dead than hear this motherfucker keep talking.

I laughed my ass off. Accurate.

posts: 1742   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8698528
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 4:02 PM on Monday, November 15th, 2021

Person A: (says something annoying)

Person B: I'd rather be dead than hear this motherfucker keep talking.

laugh That alone makes me want to watch it.

My XWBF went a couple rounds of this with me towards the end until he found someone else to chase. It was like the more I moved on, the more he wanted me back and the less he wanted me back the more I wanted to come back. In either situation, it stroked his ego and made him feel like he still had control over me. The more your STBX loses his control and becomes aware of it, the more he will push to regain it however he can. Prepare yourself for the chance that he will suddenly want to call the whole D off mere days before it's official!

posts: 5065   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8698533
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:26 PM on Monday, November 15th, 2021

If you want this to stop, then you should consider going 'grey rock' on him. It doesn't help you to be sarcastic and mean and it probably is what keeps him coming back.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5141   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8698574
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 freetogonow (original poster member #57821) posted at 10:08 PM on Monday, November 15th, 2021

BARCHER!!!! There's a name I remember!!!

I've gray rocked him for the past almost 5 years. He doesn't get a single detail about my life.

He calls/texts to get ego strokes. He calls/texts to get reassurance that he's still relevant. He tells me about HIS life, he doesn't ask about mine but then he didn't do that when we were together either so nothing is really changed on that front. I'm not qualified to dx him as a clinical narcissist, but I have a lot of theories LOL.

We were deeply enmeshed and codependent. I was also financially dependent on him. Therefore I allowed this sick contact and gave him the ego strokes he sought, because to do so was the price I paid to ensure that the money kept coming, that he didn't divorce me, that I didn't lose my medical insurance, etc etc.

Well. I've let all that go now. And because I no longer need to manipulate him (or anyone) to get my financial needs met (because I'm perfectly able to support myself), this means I can be free, to speak freely to him, and this is what that looks him.

Him: Our benefits, our yadda yadda, us us us, until the divorce is final, etc etc (much ado about nothing)

Me: 90 days, brotha. And then I am done with your cheating ass!

Him: (nervous titter) oh, well I have no animosity towards you...

Me: Oh what a relief, that's good to know. That was keeping me up at nights, worrying that you might have ANIMOSITY towards me after you cheated on me.

Also me: Gotta go, bye!

A text is like this. He texts me details of his life which I have told him repeatedly that he needs to STOP USING ME FOR PSEUDO COMPANIONSHIP AND TELL IT TO THE AP (yes I was that direct and used those exact words). It has tapered off somewhat but I don't think it will end fully until I block him.


Him: Someone hit my new car in the parking lot and left without leaving a note!

Me (without a trace of irony): How terrible that there are people in this world who do the wrong thing and don't seem to care about the pain they cause others :)

posts: 1742   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2017
id 8698590
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Shockt ( member #74399) posted at 1:27 PM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Him: Someone hit my new car in the parking lot and left without leaving a note!

Me (without a trace of irony): How terrible that there are people in this world who do the wrong thing and don't seem to care about the pain they cause others :)


Just had to say how much I love your response!

posts: 79   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2020
id 8698666
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 7:54 PM on Wednesday, November 17th, 2021

Him: Someone hit my new car in the parking lot and left without leaving a note!

Me (without a trace of irony): How terrible that there are people in this world who do the wrong thing and don't seem to care about the pain they cause others :)

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3509   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8698926
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