Question about cutting kids off from in laws that encouraged the affair
My inlaws suck. They were friends w OW, talked shit about me to her (like, "Gotta isnt worth getting upset over, OW. You have been such a help to our son, I really cant thank you enough"
OW is a nurse. She got WH hooked on benzos, while with her he got fired from two jobs (they would do pills and sleep from Thursday - Tuesday AM and he’d call in "sick" every Monday and Friday.
SHE WAS NOT A GOOD INFLUENCE OR PERSON
Ils are a huge, fun family so even though i was pissed at them for supporting wh’s relationship with OW, i wanted my kids to have a relationship with the many cousins, great aunts and uncles, great grandma, etc, who had nothing to do with this and are good people.
We had not seen the in laws for 3 years. (Nov 2018). We were supposed to go in August, but when talking to MIL i found out she and my SILs and their families were all going on a family vacation 1/2 way through our planned trip up there. They had just been on a family vacation together to SIL’s lakehouse July 4, and were now going on another week long vacation together. One month later. Our week and a half long visit would now be 3 days.
I asked if they could push their vaca back a few days, if we could join them, etc. Nope.
We would have had 3 days to visit. After a 3 year absence, new baby no one has met, and an 8ish hour drive.
Long story short, i ended up telling mil that the family treats my kids differently than the other grands, and that she is weak and amoral as she invited OW on vacation and to her home.
SIL 2 immediately texted WH that if he showed up at MILs house she would call the cops. (Wh had no idea i had spoken to Mil). Wh sent that text to his mom and other sister and said whats this? Fine, if you all feel like that my family wont bother you again.
MIL texted back "good, did you see what your wife told your mother? She is a nut"
MIL said “Good.” When her son said he would not bother her again. I cant imagine how hurtful that was to WH. Good.
I didnt yell curse or say profanity. I am not a nut. The truth has upset MIL.
SIL 1 also called ne and left a voice mail taht said,"You are not invited to my moms or my house. We love WH and the kids and they can come, but not you" WH is not going to drive 500 miles with the kids, alone.
I never want to have contact with them again. They do not treat my kids equal to the other grandkids.
Wh blocked them from his phone, they do call in to his office. There have been about 7 calls in 2 months to his office. From both his mom and SIL1.
My question. I will not talk to them again. WH, its his decision to talk to them. I dont think he will right now, if just because he is slammed with work and . Eventually we will divorce (i have some unrelated stuff going on where i need him right now so we live in the same house but in separate rooms) so this is not an issue we have to discuss because we will not be married.
My kids- the younger two dont care about mil. But my oldest (almost 16 yrs), remembers pre-affair when we all got along.
She also has a phone (younger kids dont) so MIL and her aunts and cousins can text her. MIL texts about once a month. Oldest cousin has texted a few times, and the cousin her age told her in 2018 when she tried to text her “why are you texting me? Its not like we are friends. We were close when we were little but not anymore". DD was shocked and doesnt text her anymore.
Do I tell dd to stop all contact? Or… Do i keep it at this; I told her a few weeks ago that she is an amazing person and should never be #2 In anyones book. That enough people will think shes great and she wont have to beg to be included in things, and focus on those people, dont waste time on people like the in laws (dont play the "pick me!" Game). I also said i know shes very respectful and family is important to her, and if she chooses to stay in contact with ILS, thats her choice and I support her.
DD has said that I am in the right for what I said to MIL, and that she would have said it earlier.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:27 PM, Sunday, September 26th]