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Scenes from a marriage

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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 8:27 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

What was that line referencing?

I believe it was referencing what the marriage post-DDay would be like between them if they continued it. I think that's accurate for a lot of people. Post infidelity marriage can still be good with a successful R but it's a different kind of good than before. The new marriage can never be the same as the pre-A marriage.

For anyone thinking of watching - trigger warning for a DV scene towards the end of episode 4 in which the WW attacks the BH to stop him from leaving.

posts: 5011   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8691758
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HowCouldSheDoIt ( member #78431) posted at 3:52 AM on Wednesday, October 6th, 2021

Is it the kind of show where your Wayward would watch and possibly be moved by? Like it might show a perspective they've been unwilling to see? Maybe it might reach them?

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 271   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8691789
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 8:26 PM on Wednesday, October 6th, 2021

HowCouldShe -
IME, nothing in a book/podcast/TV will get a WS's head out of their backside unless/until they are ready. Maybe a REALLY good IC or MC, and maybe witnessing the pain/trauma caused. Between my own experience and what I've read on SI, some folks just don't have the moral compass, emotional IQ, self awareness, shame resilience, or whatever to "get it" or "own it" and certainly not to fix it.

I spent probably two years with the idea that the right words or situation or SOMETHING would be able to jolt my WH out from whatever kind of brokenland in which he lives to the reality of his actions, my trauma, and our M situation. Never worked. Never helped. Accepting that was a Godsend for me, and got me to start focusing on myself and not my WS. Either he will figure it out.... or he won't and we will D. At close to 4 years since dday, it's crystal clear to me that we are on track for the latter (D) and not the former (possibility of R).

I believe this is why so many wise folks on SI will quickly advise a new BS to focus on themselves and not their WS.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3428   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8691855
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HowCouldSheDoIt ( member #78431) posted at 2:40 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

gmc:

I remember reading about how awful it was to save your WH's life from hanging, and I naively thought that was his shame waking him and re-committing to you. So I didn't know that he is still wayward (at least in attitude) and you're heading down the D route.

Also your quote from Rick Reynolds, is that the same guy from Affair Recovery? That YouTube channel has a lot of helpful videos, and there is a guy, a WH I liked Samuel. A few months ago he made a video that he and his wife Samantha are getting divorced. His affair was like 13 years ago. He said in the video that it wasn't related to his cheating, but to me it seems impossible to say that.

Anyway, sorry to hear about you and your WH. Your story gives me strength because I don't want to be here 4 years later still fighting the same stuff having wasted 3 years.

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 271   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8691960
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 7:29 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2021

HowCouldShe - Yeah, would have been helpful if actually being dead for several minutes, being revived, and getting the gift of LIFE itself would have jolted my WH into some form of humility or empathy or honesty or self awareness/reflection. Some folks jut don't have the wiring/ range/ capacity/ willingness, etc.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3428   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8692017
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 12:30 AM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

Episode 4 the acting in this is SO GOOD. SO good.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8692317
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 12:36 AM on Saturday, October 9th, 2021

I love him so much in this episode.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8692318
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HowCouldSheDoIt ( member #78431) posted at 2:01 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

I watched Episodes 1 and 2. I really love how they started each of those episodes with a behind the scenes, and setting up the shot. It gave it the feel of theater somewhat, and it also helps to temper the emotions I think and reminds us that these are actors.

Don't know when I'll watch the rest, WW is due home tomorrow and I don't think I can watch it with her.

I didn't identify too much with Jonathan (My first emotions were anger) but he did do a good job of showing the "wtf" when Mira was spouting her "He's good for me" nonsense. I could see the hurt in his eyes.

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 271   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8692629
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suddenlyisee ( member #32689) posted at 2:24 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

HowCould

Is it the kind of show where your Wayward would watch and possibly be moved by? Like it might show a perspective they've been unwilling to see? Maybe it might reach them?

I've gotta go with gmc on this.

Would take a really enlightened WS to get ANY perspective they didn't already have from something like this - and a really enlightened WS wouldn't need it, anyway.
In fact, I'd like to think a really enlightened WS would would suggest skipping it and start a conversation about.

My guess would be that most WS's, hard as they try, aren't there. At all.

My FWW watched the series Sex/Life with the same kind of interest as 50 Shades - it was a steamy, erotic drama.
Not really sure if the infidelity theme in it bothered her or not - it was a pretty specific type of affair that wasn't similar to either of ours.

Things in other movies or shows HAVE jolted something in her, and she's been about 50/50 on whether those things resulted in her starting a dialogue.

Semi-pro BS in R

posts: 408   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2011   ·   location: Michigan
id 8692630
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tealmermaid ( new member #79075) posted at 6:45 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

I don't want to give any spoilers so please let me know when you guys have watched the finale (episode 5) It premiered last night.

Im really surprised and sad with Jonathons character development,

All in all - this show has superb acting, soul crushingly good chemistry, but the ending wasn't at all what I expected.

Ill see what you guys think!

posts: 18   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2021
id 8692671
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 6:56 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

I read the spoilers because I expected some foolishness and I'm not watching it. I'm leaving it at season 4 and considering that a fine finale.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8692672
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NotMyFirstRodeo ( member #75220) posted at 10:31 PM on Monday, October 11th, 2021

I don't want to give any spoilers so please let me know when you guys have watched the finale (episode 5) It premiered last night.

Im really surprised and sad with Jonathons character development,

He's now a broken person too. It was difficult to watch for me.

Stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2020
id 8692707
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:01 AM on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

Really disappointed in episode 5. It’s as if he’s so selfish he doesn’t care if he hurts anyone — and he learned nothing about being a betrayed spouse.

Very sad to see Jonathan acting just like his ex-wife.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10687   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8692726
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tealmermaid ( new member #79075) posted at 2:52 AM on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

Really disappointed in episode 5. It’s as if he’s so selfish he doesn’t care if he hurts anyone — and he learned nothing about being a betrayed spouse.

Very sad to see Jonathan acting just like his ex-wife.

Exactly! I don't know if its because no one on the show has actually gone through infidelity (I don't know their personal lives obviously) but if you watch the actors talk about the making of the episodes after they end, its crazy how they talk about the last episode so "romantically". Basically romanticizing infidelity. Im an open person and I like to see different points of view and different interpretations but that was sad to me. He didn't give a fuck about hurting his wife just because "it was a different kind of love".

Sad because the acting was so good leading up to the finale.

posts: 18   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2021
id 8692731
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