Newest Member: MamaTo7


Semi-pro BS in R

Unplanned hand-job?

I don't know what else to do this morning other than to laugh.

WW re-started therapy a few months ago, and last night she and I were discussing a particularly difficult therapy session she just had, and she revealed that she had decided to restart therapy because she ended up at coworker's house, where he kissed her. In order to extract herself from the situation, she somehow gave him a hand-job.
Two questions:
1. Did anyone else know that hand-job was hyphenated? I always thought it was just a compound word, but it turns out when two NOUNS are combined, the hyphen comes in to play. That's why "blowjob" doesn't have a hyphen. "Blow" is a verb.
2. As she is a survivor of sexual abuse, can anyone help me understand how normal situations tend to spiral out of control for some people with this history?

20 comments posted: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023

Intimacy in marriage 2.0

BH here - seeking some advice.

Sorting out re-connection, and just can't seem to get there.

Sex happens. It's amazing and mutually satisfying when it happens - but then 4-6 weeks go by.

Day-to-day interactions are great. Cooperative partnership, collaborative.
No fighting, no weird behavior, no red flags - but little passion.

However, each of us seems to have some roadblocks to 'fostering intimacy'.

For years, I initiated, faced rejection a majority of the time and just simply stopped initiating.
I'm sure that change of dynamic contributed to the distance between us.
In the aftermath of infidelity, I still sometimes feel not good enough - and find myself not initiating.
In fact, sometimes when she is genuinely interested in initiating, I push away.. like despite her wanting to connect - I want HER to work harder.
When I can get over myself, I'll try 'sparking' things - really putting myself out there with grand gestures, flirtation, planning.
We've gone back and forth in person, on texts or the phone building up playful, erotic energy and then *poof*. Nothing, except us talking about a crappy commute or an annoying co-worker and me feeling like I'm trying way too hard.

All of it self-defeating, I realize.

Wants me to initiate more.
Probably makes her feel unprioritized that I don't.
Is a self-proclaimed "excellent multi-tasker" which really means paying insufficient attention to everything - but feeling constantly busy.
Doesn't really have a plan for 'turning herself on' in any predictable fashion. It's left to chance whether we're both 'there' or not - and we don't align often.
If we do, we have an amazing tryst - and 10 minutes after she's in her jammies puttering on Pinterest or some other thing on her i-pad, and I'm flopping over, settling in to sleep - wondering how long it'll be until we connect again.

It's true what they say.. no relationship survives infidelity.
The relationship you have after it is a 'new' relationship.

What have some of you done to successfully get on the same wavelength and cultivate that "new relationship energy" in your marriage 2.0?

7 comments posted: Monday, September 20th, 2021

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