Newest Member: AcesEights

suddenlyisee

Semi-pro BS in R

Intimacy in marriage 2.0

BH here - seeking some advice.

Sorting out re-connection, and just can't seem to get there.

Sex happens. It's amazing and mutually satisfying when it happens - but then 4-6 weeks go by.

Day-to-day interactions are great. Cooperative partnership, collaborative.
No fighting, no weird behavior, no red flags - but little passion.

However, each of us seems to have some roadblocks to 'fostering intimacy'.

Mine:
For years, I initiated, faced rejection a majority of the time and just simply stopped initiating.
I'm sure that change of dynamic contributed to the distance between us.
In the aftermath of infidelity, I still sometimes feel not good enough - and find myself not initiating.
In fact, sometimes when she is genuinely interested in initiating, I push away.. like despite her wanting to connect - I want HER to work harder.
When I can get over myself, I'll try 'sparking' things - really putting myself out there with grand gestures, flirtation, planning.
We've gone back and forth in person, on texts or the phone building up playful, erotic energy and then *poof*. Nothing, except us talking about a crappy commute or an annoying co-worker and me feeling like I'm trying way too hard.

All of it self-defeating, I realize.


Hers:
Wants me to initiate more.
Probably makes her feel unprioritized that I don't.
Is a self-proclaimed "excellent multi-tasker" which really means paying insufficient attention to everything - but feeling constantly busy.
Doesn't really have a plan for 'turning herself on' in any predictable fashion. It's left to chance whether we're both 'there' or not - and we don't align often.
If we do, we have an amazing tryst - and 10 minutes after she's in her jammies puttering on Pinterest or some other thing on her i-pad, and I'm flopping over, settling in to sleep - wondering how long it'll be until we connect again.

It's true what they say.. no relationship survives infidelity.
The relationship you have after it is a 'new' relationship.

What have some of you done to successfully get on the same wavelength and cultivate that "new relationship energy" in your marriage 2.0?

7 comments posted: Monday, September 20th, 2021

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