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Scenes from a marriage

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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 8:08 PM on Monday, September 27th, 2021

Has anyone watched the 3rd episode? Ugh, painfully realistic. How self focused the WW is. How she can't see outside herself to acknowledge the pain she caused. How she thinks everyone will be "just fine" if they put her needs first without much of a thought as to what it would do them. How she tries to seduce him while she's openly dating the OM - not that he doesn't deserve it but still over-the-top wayward ego kibble seeking at every opportunity. Just terrible but unfortunately a similar story we hear around here every day.

posts: 5011   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8690483
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 hikingout (original poster member #59504) posted at 8:30 PM on Monday, September 27th, 2021

Yes episode two was so realistic I had to watch it in fits and starts. Despot my warning I just finished episode 3. Total wayward behavior, her justification, re-writing, then seeking kibbles not caring how emotionally expensive it was for him. I thought he was going to hold the boundary but the minute he let that slip she had won and then she retreated. She just needed to know he was an option, she wasn’t there because she’d made him one. It’s classic.

Thanks for the well wishes.

WW/BW BH/WH Turnthepage My Affair DDAY 9/1/2017- 2 month EA/PAHis Affair DDAY 10/10/2020 - 18 month A - EA?/PA

posts: 5922   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8690488
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theDrifter ( member #48361) posted at 8:16 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2021

Spoiler Alert!

Episode 3 was brutal. I cried several times but I need to immerse myself into these stories so I never forget how painful the whole thing was. It was real, it was horrible and it will never heal. Time tends to soften memories so a reality check is required now and then.

This episode is several months after d-day (episode 2) so his ability to ward off his WW's sexual manipulation should be a bit easier for him than what is shown. After this much time he should be much more detached and able to just push her away and tell her to leave. I suppose they need to mess with the timeline for the story. Anyway, along with the sadness I began to feel a tremendous anger welling up inside. The fact that her continued manipulation was breaking him down made me sick. Of course I understand it but knowing the extra pain he is setting himself up for was difficult to watch. I think after he warded her off and she finally walked out the door he should have slammed that fucking door. Don't open it when she came running back & tell her to leave or he'll call the police. The guy is struggling to be true to himself and reject her. The ship sailed bitch, it's over, I got me a new girl, get the fuck out of here, see you in court, can't wait for you to meet the killer lawyer I hired with your money. I wonder what path this BH will take.

ME 70 BH
Her 69 WW

We remain unhappily married.

posts: 303   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2015   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 8690703
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 2:56 AM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

I'm halfway through episode 2 and I want to crawl into the TV and give this good decent man a hug. Then I want him to divorce her, heal up a bit and marry me. Good lord. Men like that are to be cherished. Haven't seen the OM yet, but I expect he's a pile of shit in comparison.

[This message edited by DevastatedDee at 2:56 AM, Wednesday, September 29th]

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8690776
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 1:33 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Watched episode 3.

He invites her in like she’s still his loving wife and not some cheater who just up and left him.

He knows he has no chance at a monogamous relationship under any circumstances yet continues to hold out hope.

Hard to watch b/c I think he represents who I was during some parts of my H’s six month affair.

Good news I finally stood up for myself on dday2.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10686   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8690831
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inthedark99 ( member #66168) posted at 1:56 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

so glad to see a post from you hiking out. had been wondering how things were going for you.

thanks for the heads up about this show. am just over three years out from D-day, (which i cannot even believe that) and while triggers have slowed down immensely, lately they’ve been creeping back in a bit, so i think i will stay away from this show for now.

posts: 74   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2018
id 8690957
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:24 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

HO
so glad to see you post and that your adventures are going well.
I'd love to hear where you have been and what has been amazing. As a fellow camper I am always interested in learning about unknown spots that take your breath away.

Hop you are finding a little joy in every day.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 18970   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8690963
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 4:43 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

I dislike this Mira person to a very high level. Profoundly. Selfish, shitty, entitled. Rude. Horrible. I wish he would just tell her to go the fuck on. Get your alimony and child support, man. Let her go play with her boy toy way far away.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8690985
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waitedwaytoolong ( member #51519) posted at 11:47 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

First, glad to see things are going well HO! For some reason my you tube feed shows lots of RV videos. Some are so amazing. I think about you when they come up.

I have also watched this. I read stories here about men you react pretty much as he has. Trying to be understanding, willing to sweep things under the rug, still under their WW thumb, but to see it played out like this is haunting. I just don’t get it. It’s like watching a foreign language film without subtitles. I just don’t get it.

I’m sure their is anger underneath. There certainly is plenty of pain, but how can he be so passive? I don’t get it here, and I don’t get it in this show. I reacted in such a different manner, as did a couple of other friends who went through the same thing. Both male and female. Some of whom are still together.

I just don’t get how he just isn’t one super pissed off dude. His wife left him high and dry, walked out on their kid, introduced the child to a guy who was never going to be part of their lives in the long run, and he just lets her walk all over him. Maybe the dynamic was different, but my reaction was the polar opposite of his. Pure anger and disgust.

Just curious of those who have watched how their d day and post discovery mirrors his. What was your dynamic?

I am the cliched husband whose wife had an affair with the electrician

Divorced

posts: 1842   ·   registered: Jan. 26th, 2016
id 8691011
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DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 2:34 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Just curious of those who have watched how their d day and post discovery mirrors his. What was your dynamic?

I had a lot more explosive anger. In a lot of ways, this is a more realistic portrayal of infidelity than most TV, but it isn't showing his anguish and rage that he would just about have to have. She's talking about the new boyfriend like it's nothing, as if he'd want to hear about that guy, and he's just sitting there holding it in. If it's going to be realistic, he'll have a meltdown in the next episode from holding all of this in for so long.

DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).

posts: 4531   ·   registered: Jul. 27th, 2017
id 8691037
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ramius ( member #44750) posted at 10:08 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

I watched it. Just dumbfounded at the passivity of the guy.

All I I thought of was this…

How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?

Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.

posts: 1608   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014
id 8691097
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 11:06 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

I think it is realistic. He’s hoping she’ll come back to him so he’s doing everything he can to hang on.

Even though he knows she’s never going to be honest or faithful -,he did say no to just going to London.

He’s a wimp at times - like I was the first 4-4 months after dday1.

However at dday2 I was the complete opposite.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10686   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8691099
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LizM ( member #48659) posted at 5:23 AM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

I think it’s a really well done show so far. I cried through episodes 2 and 3.

Episode 1 was a bit slow and WH fell asleep during it, so I watched 2 and 3 without him. Kinda glad I did so I could cry like a baby instead of trying to hide it, lol.

posts: 843   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2015   ·   location: Louisville
id 8691130
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SnowToArmPits ( member #50943) posted at 7:38 AM on Friday, October 1st, 2021

I jumped right into episode 2, that was brutal when she told him she cheated and was in love with another man.

I really like both the lead actors, but I just couldn't watch anymore.

... and sex/life caught my interest when it was advertised as the new hot show. Read comments on reddit that told me all I needed to know. Yikes will not watch. The show's been renewed for season 2, I'm going to follow the plot lines by reading blogs... I'm curious to see where the writers go with this. Hope beyond hope in S2 the husband kicks her ass to the curb, leaving her divorced and seeing her kids 50% of the time. That I would watch.

[This message edited by SnowToArmPits at 7:42 AM, Friday, October 1st]

posts: 358   ·   registered: Dec. 25th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8691137
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 3:54 PM on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021

First - glad to hear from you HO.... miss "seeing" you here.

As to SFAM.... I watched episode 1, and then I went and watched the original (1970s) film, which is also on HBO (not the original SERIES from which the 2:50 min film was edited... I'm checking out the series from my library... Guess I like research LOL). I remember my parents talking (more like fighting) about that original series when I was a k id.

I then watched Eps 2 + 3 of the 2021 version. I'll be curious if the 2021 version mirrors the plotlines of the original. Tricky stuff. So far, it's pretty close: Chapter 1 has the interview and dinner with friends (like the remake). But the original has a chapter 2 (aptly titled "The Art of Sweeping Things Under the Rug) that the remake does not have. The original "rugsweeping" episode is kind of slice of life/background (the couple at home, scenes of each of them at their respective workplaces, etc). In the original it is the 3rd chapter (titled "Paula" for the AP, and the remake is titled "Poli" for the AP) that begins with dday in which it is the WH who leaves the BW for a younger woman. The next chapter ("The Vale of Tears in both original & remake) is several months (perhaps years in the original) after the couple has S, and also includes them having sex. If the remake follows the original, Ep4 will be another period of time later (I think a few years), set in the WS' office (or someplace that is not either party's home) and Ep5 will be set in a vacation type spot. I won't give spoilers as to the content of those last 2 episodes (titled "the Illiterates" and "In the Middle of the Night in a Dark House in the original).

One thing that really stuck out for me in looking at the two versions is how much more the 1970s couple seems to talk about FEELINGS than in the remake - the basic language (albeit translated) is full of "I feel" sentences. In addition to all the other reasons to find the story heartbreaking, I found myself angry/envious of the WS in the original - his ability to be vulnerable in ways my WH has proven incapable. The original's BS is still doing the pick me dance. I also find it fascinating to think of the original against the backdrop of the era - early 1970s, women's "liberation" (the BW is a divorce attorney).

Anyhow, I found watching the original and comparing to the remake to be interesting, particularly this most recent one where neither seem to be coming from same vulnerability as shown in the original.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3428   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8691319
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nekonamida ( member #42956) posted at 4:28 PM on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021

That's interesting, GMC.

The thing that gets me about the show is how it's such a common story we see around here. I can think of several posters whose stories mirror SFAM in terms of a walk away WS from the last 6 months alone. None have been as honest as the lead actress that they're leaving for AP and some details are different but the push-pull and game playing that followed sure did look similar. Maybe the original is closer to what infidelity was like in the 70s. Or what people thought it was like. Maybe they felt more comfortable talking about it and less defensive. Maybe the "free love" parts still flowing through society made it seem less immoral or have less of a stigma than today. Maybe certain aspects were played up or minimized to send a specific message or showcase specific themes that don't register on our radar today due to changes in society.

From what you've said, the modern adaptation and lack of feelings talk strikes me as more relatable to what we see at SI. The BS attempted to open up to the WW about what he feels and she shut it down by being defensive, refusing to hear his pain, and turning the conversation back towards herself and what she was going through. So feelings can't be shared between them. Not unless they're ones with ego kibbles involved like his lingering feeling towards her and what he did wrong in the marriage to drive her into the arms of Poli.

posts: 5011   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 8691322
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NotMyFirstRodeo ( member #75220) posted at 3:08 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

You can see Jonathan experience everything on the BH emotional spectrum. (I can't speak of the BW but I imagine it's very similar)

It resonates deep within me. I feel everything watching it.

I see a marriage with its own ebb and flow. Not perfect, not broken and yet somewhat complacently occupied.

I feel sorrow seeing Jonathan blind sided when Mira discloses her A.

I feel anger when Mira displays her lack of affection for her family, including her child by abandoning them.

I feel the loneliness of Jonathan when he confronts those who claimed to be his friends...yet they knew of Mira's betrayal and kept silent. Then the immediate gravity Jonathan felt when he turned around to see his daughter standing there.

I feel ammused and gratified when Jonathan played Paulie's voicemail for Mira after she attempted to seduce him.

I see Mira as broken, mentally ill. She's deep within the fog. I can't feel what Mira feels but I can identify who she is.

The writing, acting and directing is phenomenal. Hagai Levi captured the essence of the trauma as accurately as one could in a single story which could have infinitely different nuances from any SI's member's experience.

I've not seen ep. 4 yet but will soon.

[This message edited by NotMyFirstRodeo at 3:09 PM, Tuesday, October 5th]

Stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day.

posts: 225   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2020
id 8691694
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3yrwait ( member #29907) posted at 6:29 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

This show continues to be the most realistic that I’ve seen on the topic.

Episode 4 involves divorce.

I want to say the show is entertaining. I want there to be a resolution and happy ending. But reality isn’t entertaining. Sometimes acceptance of reality is the best resolution.

Me: BH (early 40s)
Her: WW (early 40s)
Married 15 years
1 daughter, under 10
DDay July 2007

posts: 527   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2010   ·   location: 3yrwait
id 8691743
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HowCouldSheDoIt ( member #78431) posted at 7:51 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

There is a line in the trailer:

It's like a piece of tape that you rip off and try to reapply. It might stick, but it's never gonna be like the first time.

What was that line referencing?

Based on the trailer I sure as hell couldn't watch it with WW, maybe by myself or someone else I possibly can.

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 271   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8691753
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 8:01 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

HowCouldShe - I watched it alone.

EP4 seemed to have more "I feel" kind of dialogue. Still heartbreaking.

If EP5 is like the original, buckle up! Suspect there will be lots of triggers and LOTS of opinions :)

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3428   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8691754
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