SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

W2B - yes, Colorado is a beautiful place! Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I truly appreciate them!

We are getting settled into the new trailer - or as I now call it - HOME! It feels good. I got the gas grill out of storage today and Teacher came over for a really nice meal of grilled pork chops, grilled asparagus and salad. Just as I suspected, I was the third wheel while she and my son visited and laughed and played with the cat together. That makes me so happy - she gets to be a mom a bit to a grown up and he gets to have another mom in his life.

My son then headed off to a friend's house and Teacher and I visited for another hour or so before she pled tired and headed home. This hot time in summer just pretty much saps all of the energy we have. Plus it's sort of monsoon season, so now we deal with actual humidity after most of the year hovering around 5% relative humidity. The high humidity of around 40% makes us feel miserable, even if you people that live in real humidity will just laugh at us princesses!

The "decorating" is coming along well. I have some art on some of the walls now and new curtains in the main living area and in my bedroom. Starting to come up with a few ideas. And, I've hauled a couple of pickup loads of boxes to the ARC store to donate things I no longer need. Time to minimalize - who needs 10 spatulas? And 50 logo T-shirts?

Keep your chins up! and keep enjoying summer!

[This message edited by countrydirt at 6:07 AM, Sunday, July 10th]

My adult sons are visiting from out of town/state/country. 2nd son arrived today from Vienna Austria! His girlfriend and brother are arriving tomorrow. 1st son and girl are arriving on Sunday. Although it's a little awkward with "sharing" them with the ex we're making it work. I even took youngest over today and we had lunch together. My youngest is so excited to have 1 brother here already and is over the moon anticipating biggest brother's arrival. Ex and her partner are going to do evening meals and I'm going to be doing the morning adventures/hiking, etc. Ex and I always got along and have talked quite a bit over the last few days as we arranged for flight pickups and what not. I actually enjoyed laughing with her partner as she shared things that I no longer have to deal with and she does.

I took the boys - I mean men - over to meet Teacher today and she loved them. My 2nd is just as charming and kind as youngest, who teacher adores, so they hit it off quite well. She commented that she certainly sees the family resemblance between the 28 year old and me and he told her a story of finding old photos of me at about age 5 that he was certain were photos of him. I've always referred to him as my clone. As we prepared to leave, Teacher hugged them and clung onto my youngest just a little longer and they raved about how good it was to see each other. She told me later on the phone that is was wonderful for her to start feeling more like a part of my family.

We're making some hiking plans for when all the kids are here. Teacher will be coming along on at least 1 of the hikes and us older people are looking forward to hiking the asses off of the youngsters who live at or near sea level when we are at our Colorado altitude!

In unrelated, but pertinent older people news, Teacher has been neglecting some of her hormones, so intimacy is off the menu for a few weeks. I also went to the audiologist last week and have new better hearing aids this week (damn, I really should have worn hearing protection more as a young shop teacher) and am enjoying turning my TV and music down and not having to constantly say "Could you repeat that?"

[This message edited by countrydirt at 3:10 AM, Saturday, July 16th]

Well, I'm in a really good place. This week has been a roller coaster (all ultimately in a good way). My oldest son's car broke down about 6 hours away late on Saturday night. Repairs couldn't happen until Monday or Tuesday, so I got up early on Sunday and drove across the mountains and "rescued" the two campers and their little dog. We had a great time on the ride back and then I dropped them at the Air Bnb they rented and then came home to find that my 2nd son, his girlfriend and the Filipino brother and cousin wanted to come and stay at my house. Of course I said yes!

On Monday, we planned a hike with the 6 visiting young people (my youngest had to work). I took the 4 I had with me over to Teacher's house and she grabbed son's girlfriend and brother and took them in her car. We caravanned about an hour to meet the oldest and his girl and the little dog at a trailhead and embarked on a conversation and laughter filled 8 1/2 mile hike, crossing streams and clambering over rocks. We finished the day with ice cream and more laughter together. Teacher told me how much she loved being with my kids/men and women and she and I smiled and laughed as those youngsters checked on us old people every time we might have even scuffed our hiking boots on the dirt, let alone stumble or stop to get our breath.

We all took a day off yesterday, so Teacher and I ran errands separately during the day and had dinner and some "just us" time and, well, the hormone challenge has been resolved

Today, my parents, older brother and wife, younger brother and wife, my uncle and aunt and all the kids got together for a really nice visit and meal at the Air Bnb. Teacher met us all there and we all had just a wonderful time of visiting and story-telling together.

A couple of things happened that were just fun. Teacher has been pretty hesitant to show much affection to me in front of my sons and family because she is sensitive that it might seem "weird" for them to see their dad/son/brother with someone instead of their mother. Well, today, we had a little smooch when she arrived and during the rotational visiting with parents, aunts and uncles, kids and partners, we occasionally sat together and held hands or rubbed shoulders in front of everyone. As the visit came to an end, Teacher asked if she could take a couple and chose my 2nd son and his girlfriend and they had a great bonus visit on the ride home. I took a different route home and the Filipino men and I had to stop and rescue a tortoise on the gravel road a mile from my house. They were thrilled to see some American wildlife up close and personal. When Teacher dropped the others off, we had another little kiss in front of the kids.

The other sort of affirming thing was when my oldest son told me that he wasn't really that thrilled to go to his mom's wedding reception this evening. I was able to be the "bigger person" and remind him that I wished only happiness for his mother and knew that he wanted the same. He rolled his eyes a bit but then calmed down and agreed. My sister-in-law was standing right there and of course chimed in and told my son that she wasn't sure she had ever seen me so happy in the 30+ years she has known me. My son had to agree to that and said the he and his open minded girl would both try to open their minds even more and wish his mom and her partner good blessings.

It's exhausting to spend that many hours catching up with family. I'm tired. Teacher is tired. We talked and agreed that sleep was the most important thing we could do tonight.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 4:10 AM, Thursday, July 21st]

CD

Aside from the wonderful details of your family/teacher visits, I think there was an important unspoken take away from this.

You’re out of infidelity and happy!

Thank you for posting these great updates. Keep ‘em coming.

My oldest and his partner and their dog headed back to California yesterday afternoon. I am so happy they were here, but its never enough time, is it? I think it's been 5 years since I had all three together.

My second son and his gang are coming over tonight to spend the rest of their trip with me. He told me he just can't take anymore of his mom and partner and their little petty passive aggressive ways. An example, XW had sent a blow up mattress over with them when they spent a couple of nights with me earlier in the week. She made a point to tell them to bring that mattress back today because, I guess they need it when no one extra is sleeping at their place. And the partner got after my youngest son for taking a bottle of lotion when he was taking care of their cats (for free) a few weeks ago after she only found out about it when he mentioned it the other night. He said she's not going to be a good step-mother. His older brother pointed out that they don't have a step-mom - they just know the person their mother claims to have married.

In a rare moment of bad-mouthing my ex, I just sort of pointed out to my sons that they remember how stingy their mom used to be about some things and that nothing has really changed so they ought not be surprised.

This new life is pretty tough for my sons who have been away to wrap their minds around and both told me that they thought I was handling the upheaval pretty well. I reminded them that I've had several years to adjust my life, whereas they are just seeing the reality for the first time. I told them what was happening as the cheating, separation and divorce were happening, but it just wasn't quite real until they actually saw their parents apart. I'm sure we'll have more conversations as they process it all.

I love how supportive and understanding you are of your kids’ emotions as they accept all the change. They are lucky to have such a great dad!
And congrats on the continuing milestones with Teacher. It gives me hope for a great new beginning for myself. .

We did something really fun last night. My Austrian visitors and I had played guitars and mandolins together last week at my house, so when a good friend told me he was hosting an open mic night at a local brewpub, I asked them if they wanted to go. They shyly agreed.

We all were there and going through a couple of songs when Teacher arrived. When it was our turn, we stepped up to the microphone and played a Johnny Cash song and an old mountain tune and finished with I Saw The Light. It was so much fun! After we put our gear up, Teacher sidled up to me and said, "Ooh, I'm with the guy in the band!" I told her I knew that playing the guitar would finally pay off!

We stayed around and listed to the 5 or 6 others that played and thoroughly enjoyed the music and then headed to another spot with a restaurant and had a lively and laughter filled meal. Teacher just soaked it all in and fell even further in love with my son and his people. They kept us in stitches the entire evening and we ended with a coolish walk to our cars and all went our separate ways for the night.

The youngsters will be staying with me for the next couple of nights so Teacher already plans to come over for another concert and some Austrian food and more laughter and good times.

Wow, when adult kids are involved, we have so much fun. It's been crazy trying to pack in so much in a short time - I'm really glad I'm retired now and didn't have to go back to work yesterday!

Our little city has Festival Fridays during July. We all gathered up at the local museum/conference center for some live music and frivolity. XW and partner were there and she and I just stood around watching our children dancing and loving every minute of it. Teacher arrived a bit later and met XW. They had a couple of conversations over the course of the evening and both told me that the other seemed very nice. Teacher complimented XW about our sons and XW told her that they had the best father. Of course that stroked my ego a bit. XW later told me that she thought was Teacher was fantastic. Teacher and I ended up staying until the end and danced the night away.

We met my younger sister and her husband on Sunday at Garden of the Gods. Teacher drove one car and I drove another. My best friend Nurse came along and we had a wonderful time. Not an epic hike, but just a really fun stroll with plenty of time to visit and then sandwiches and laughter in the parking lot. It was sort of fun to remind my baby sister that she is now more than half a century old (just turned 51).

Later, after we returned to my new palatial trailer house, Nurse went and grabbed her sister and niece and came back for supper. Teacher also came along and we had a rollicking good time sharing a pretty small place with about 11 people. It was so much fun for my friends to spend some time with young people from another country.

Last night Teacher came over to get a little more time with the Austrians - she said she could only stay about half an hour. She went home 3 hours later. As she got ready to leave, my youngest son grabbed her in a giant hug and just wouldn't let her go and told her how much she meant to him. I watched her shed some tears of happiness over that.

The Austrians - not quite sure how to refer to them all - my son's girlfriend, her brother and their 2nd cousin - headed out today for a 1 month tour of the western United States. Hugs and tears were shed as they departed, then 2nd son and I drove and grabbed Teacher for a late lunch of a local burger and more laughter and stimulating conversation.

My son flies back to Vienna on Saturday to start a new job next week. 3 weeks is not long enough to have him around, but he is doing what he loves with the woman he loves (even if they will be apart for a month). They have been together for 11 years - she was an exchange student when they were juniors in high school when they started dating.

All I know for sure is that I am going to treasure these next few days.

Life is good.

I love reading your stories about your kids and your new love. I'm in about the same place you are with a grown DS and a BF that is my partner in life. It's so nice to be relaxed about relationships and not anxious any more. I love to see my kid thrive in his adult life (he's playing a gig in the Big City tonight with his band) and knowing his future is bright.

It's amazing how even when I thought I was at meh about WXH before he just slips further and further from my consciousness as time goes by.

[This message edited by nothisfriend at 2:21 PM, Wednesday, August 3rd]

Thank you nothisfriend!

I "snatched" my 28 year old son this morning from his mother's house. It was sort of weird to see XW in the same old pajamas she wore years ago...but I bit my tongue.

My son and I had coffee and a breakfast burrito as the "geezers" set up to play music on the side
walk at the coffee shop. We played for about 2 hours and I was amused as a youngish teacher who sang along with us tried to pick up my 28 year old son. My Teacher came down and spent the time with my son while I played. She sat just across from me and we shared many nice gazes as I made 'old-timey music" faces and tried to focus on playing rhythm guitar and singing harmony.

At the end, XW and partner arrived to pickup our son. Teacher asked if it was weird that she was there when they arrived, but I assured her that it wasn't. Teacher shared a big hug with my son as we all said goodbye. So much for weirdness. I'm pretty sure that my son likes Teacher because his dad is happy.