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Newest Member: trustingyou

New Beginnings :
Update from Southern Colorado

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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 5:44 PM on Sunday, September 18th, 2022

Thanks leafields!

The concert was simply amazing. You know, we've heard all of the local bands and musicians around here for the past couple of years, but when you hear real professionals, they just blow you away! Bela Fleck and his group were just phenomenal and the concert setting was just out of sight being in the mountains and canyons of Southern Colorado. We saw a couple of friends there as well and had a wonderful time. She slept in the passenger seat while I drove us home.

The next day I had a morning bike ride for a local land conservancy's benefit and made a few new friends and had a nice time. Right when I got home from the ride and lunch, Teacher texted and said she was going to the lake to kayak and wondered if I would meet her there or come over and pick her and her kayak up. So I quickly changed out of sweaty bike clothes and loaded my kayak and headed over. Little dog Molly greeted me while I grabbed her kayak and loaded it up and Teacher was ready to go. During the ride to the lake (about 15 minutes) we had a really nice visit. Then we had a great time paddling and floating around with some friends.

Our evening continued with some take out food and snuggling and just "us" time. So special and fun! What a great weekend!

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8755863
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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 3:49 AM on Monday, September 19th, 2022

It's harvest season in our area now. The aroma of roasting green chili peppers is intoxicating. I woke up this morning thinking about tamales, since I rode my bike to 2 farm stands roasting green chilis yesterday. I found some mediocre tamales today, but fortunately, my son loves them, so they won't go to waste.

Teacher made an order for some tamales from one of her friends to pick up tomorrow. They will be ready while she is still at school, so she asked if I would pick them up. Gosh, sharing food pickups...is that another step forward? laugh

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8755923
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 7:17 AM on Monday, September 19th, 2022

LOL. Could be.

Years ago, I went to church with a Latinx family. We loved picnics when they would bring their family tamales. I have always compared other tamales to theirs. Well, they decided to open a place and sell tamales. Now, they have a James Beard Award for tamales. No wonder why I'd be disappointed when friends sold their tamales to raise money.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1334   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8755941
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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 4:20 AM on Tuesday, September 20th, 2022

I always thought the best tamales were ones I bought out of the back of a ratty old hatchback in the parking lot from some old Mexican man with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth as he reached into a dirty looking cooler and pulled out a foil wrapped dozen. Sort of felt like a drug deal...

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8756144
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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 5:09 PM on Sunday, September 25th, 2022

I think it was around a year ago that Teacher and I pretty much quit trying dating around and have only been seeing each other. It just keeps being a really fun adventure.

Our city/region has a fall chili festival every year and this is the weekend. They block off the major "shopping" street downtown and the farmers set up farm stands and chili roasters and there are tons of booths of various vendors and 4 big tents at some of the major streets for music throughout the day and into the night. We spent the last two afternoons and evenings out among the crowds and finding good music and dancing. We're getting more attuned to each other's dancing styles and have been having just a great time. Of course we see a lot of people we know in the form of former students or parents of students and other acquaintances. Its a great time to visit and laugh and enjoy people.

We had an incident the other night that brought us closer. We decided to go off the festival location to a restaurant for some food. Here is a little detail that is sort of important - she carries her little purse with a shoulder strap and the purse hangs on her right side, so when we walk, she always walks on my left side, whether we are holding hands or her arm is in mine or we are just walking side by side. As we waited for the crosswalk light to change, a homeless man was walking towards us and he started shouting and stomping. That put Teacher to flight and she wheeled and was ready to bolt. I quickly grabbed her left hand and just pulled her out into the street and we started crossing against the light. Fortunately, the light changed when we were halfway across and we ended up on the other side and then looked back to see that guy headed down the street raving at something only he could see.

After we sort of caught our breath, Teacher said, "Thanks for protecting me. I don't remember the last time someone saved me." That made me pause and I said something like, "Well, I was just getting us out of a weird situation." Later we talked quite a bit about how she really appreciates that I treat her well and how it reminds her of a story my Austrian daughter-in-law told about my son making sure that he always walks nearest to the traffic when they walk down the street. I guess my sons saw me treat their mother in the same way - not over protective, just making sure that she was safe - and they do the same thing. Teacher also said that she is just realizing that for the first time in over a decade, she trusts who she is with. That makes me feel really good. I told her that she just keeps giving me more reasons to smile.

She also said she had to tell me something. A man she dated occasionally 5 or 6 years ago has been contacting her and trying to get something going with her. She kept politely putting him off but finally called him and told him that she was with someone really nice and just wanted to continue with me and "see where this journey goes." She then reminded him of the reasons they quit dating and how she felt that he treated her less than respectfully. Right there she gave me another reason to smile.

After I uncovered my XW's infidelity and up to and through the attempted reconciliation and divorce and recovery, I spent a lot of time journal writing as I tried to process the upending of my life. It just became a habit. I've continued to write as I sold the family home and ultimately moved into my new home, but not as much. This month I got my writing desk set up in my new home and as I unpacked some boxes of writing stuff, I went through a couple of old journals and read some of my thoughts as I went from being in infidelity into freedom. I've been writing more since I set up the desk.

As I looked back at the older journals as well as look at some of the things I've been writing lately, a common theme is to just live life being kind. I worried a bit that "protecting" the people that are important to me might be considered overbearing by some, but then I realized that being kind can be protecting, chivalrous, funny, loving and helpful as well as just being a good way to live life.

I think I'll keep doing that.

[This message edited by countrydirt at 5:17 PM, Sunday, September 25th]

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8756998
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 5:41 AM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

CD, reading your posts gives me a reason to smile.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1334   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8757049
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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 6:30 AM on Saturday, October 1st, 2022

Quick update. Teacher is still teaching and I am retired, so we have a bit of a conundrum about schedules. When I was still teaching, we were the same kind of tired and stressed during the week. Now, I'm not as tired and stressed, but she is.

So, we are still primarily talking during the week and doing stuff together on weekends. Tonight we went out to a local farm store and had supper (or is it dinner?) and listened to one of our favorite local bands and I saw a couple of former students and we had a nice visit. Then we stopped at another place to listen to more live local music and had a really nice time talking to the wife of the performer who I became friends with prior to the pandemic shutdown. Teacher and I sat at a corner table and she pointed out that it was just about a year ago that we decided that we would only see each other. Made me smile again as I wasn't sure she remembered that, but her FB profile picture is one that I took of her with the mountain aspens showing color a year ago.

After, I drove her home and we agreed that sleep was likely the best thing for the evening, so we just had a careful hug and kiss or two and I headed home. Our habit is to always send a quick text letting the other know that I made it home safely after the daunting 10 minute drive. The other always responds with a quick emoji and then we can get to bed.

I was sworn in as a volunteer for CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocate for children - yesterday, so my volunteer career is starting. I spoke with my coordinator after the ceremony and we made a plan to review the case on Tuesday. Might cut into my music time, but that's quite alright. Just have to make sure and protect my mountain bike time!

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8757853
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 countrydirt (original poster member #55758) posted at 6:08 AM on Monday, October 3rd, 2022

Teacher got after me today.

She texted me early (for her on a weekend which means about 9). I was out on my mountain bike for a single track ride, but I had my phone with me so when I stopped for a breather, I saw the message and responded and told her I was out riding on the trails. That was fine and dandy. I ended up riding about 20 miles and had a great time without falling even once! But, I have to admit that it made me feel good that she told me she wanted to see me and she sent me some sort of kissy emoji which gave me quite thrill (as I catching my breath after surviving the Keyhole Canyon trail). You've gotta get your thrills where you can at this age and I'm sure that the heart pumping adrenalin from not crashing helped enhance the smile on my face!

She had a few chores and errands to take care of so the morning and afternoon and early evening progressed. Then she called me and asked what I was doing. I told her I had taken a shower and was just relaxing on a nice Sunday afternoon and had turned off football on the tv. She asked if I had eaten supper. I admitted that I hadn't. I suggested that I could grab some stuff to cook and come to her house and we could cook. She demurred and then decided that she would just come over to my house and we could cook.

So she did and we did. She brought the fixings for a salad. We had the intimacy of wielding knives and chopping and slicing next to each other and laughing and having her make fun of me for my dislike of raw tomatoes - I'm convinced those things are poison (tomatoes are from the nightshade family) or at least that raw tomatoes make me gag after 58 years of trying to eat those gross and slimey things. You all realize that everyone who ate tomatoes during the dark ages is now dead! I'm going to avoid them out of an abundance of caution.

During this very intimate time I belatedly realized that I REALLY need to sharpen my kitchen knives. So I have something to add to my retiree to do list.

I also know that she actually probably came to see my son and they visited and laughed quite a bit - just like they always do. I call myself the '3rd wheel' when they get together.

But, we had a really nice meal and long visit which was really nice. As I walked her out to car, she said, "Well, I wasn't going to let you ignore me on a Sunday!" This was despite the fact that we went out on Friday and spent time Saturday together. We grinned, smooched and she headed home. I wasn't ignoring her! I just had stuff to do!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

What a nice evening.

3 adult sonsMarried 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 431   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8758019
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