When the OW is available he’s the lying cheating jerk. You see he has to justify his behavior to himself so he doesn’t feel guilty or bad d out his choices. So you as his wife are the reason he cheats.
As in -/ you didn’t cook his dinner the way he likes it. You asked him to take out the garbage or repair the leaky faucet. You don’t buy his favorite ice cream. You bag him about his spending or drinking or whatever it is he can find you make you the bad guy.
I lived with that back and forth behavior during my H’s affair. He even planned a beautiful 25th wedding anniversary for us. The next week he was seeing the OW (yet again) and I was back to being the worst wife on earth.
This is just what happened to me. My husband can be slavishly devoted to me and yet he has become mean. There's not much he can accuse me of, but he has landed on saying I am dirty and messy.
Why? If I salt my food, some salt will fall on the table or counter. He humiliated and bullied me over this until I cried. I started putting my plate in the sink of my spotless kitchen, and salting the food there. When that didn't seem to work, I started eating every meal out that I could manage.
I ate in the car, ate on the balcony, and even ate on the picnic table outside of our apartment building.
I went out to eat with him and he had to point out how dirty and messy I am because some crumbs and salt landed on the table. When I told him right then and there I had had enough, he started telling me about my bad behavior in public. When we got home, he took out the broom and dug under the stove and fridge, and between the cabinets, until he could find some tiny bits and showed me that this was proof of how dirty I am and he will not live like this. He doesn't care what my reaction is, he will break me of my dirty and messy habits.
All this while carrying on a three or four year long affair, texting other women, and yes, at times hanging all over me like a lovesick calf. Excuse me, who is badly behaved? I've been living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for the past three or four years.
I hope the OW