Qui vole un oeuf, vole un boeuf.
I just need to tell my story.
I signed up for some groups on Facebook that talk about infidelity, but I'm afraid to post there, as much as I need to get it out.
Why, you might ask? Is the other woman stalking me to see what I might be saying about her?
No, I am afraid she might be in some infidelity groups because she is apparently the betrayed partner.
She decided to contact me and tell me about the deep love she shares with my husband of seventeen years...and has been sharing for the past five years.
After all they have been through, after all she has done for him (?), he cheated on her. That was the last straw. Her three children are devastated. And she is, above all, a woman who lives for her children. They are completely angry and bereft that the man who they considered as a surrogate father, who called them "my son" and "my daughter" could have betrayed their mother like that.
Now, she has seen his true colors and has decided to do me the favor of informing me about what a bad, bad person he is.
For a few days, I had constant anxiety to the point where I went to urgent care to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack or COVID, because I couldn't catch my breath to the point where I was dizzy half the time. The doctor in urgent care told me I was not stressed, I was traumatized.
I wake up in the middle of the night from panic attacks.
My dear husband is on a business trip and I persuaded that humanitarian mother of the year to wait till he comes back because I have realized that I have been gaslighted so bad that he completely believes I have no clue. He will continue to gaslight me unless I can force a meeting where I can confront him. Because I had suspicions all these years but no proof.
I went to the extreme of buying vehicle trackers for our vehicles because I can envision that he will cop to being with her at one time, but it's long over. This is what he will say once I have him cornered. I am sick from thinking I will have to go through this bullshit. I'm going away on a businss trip when he gets back and I will watch my vehicles go to her home. This way, when he tries to gaslight me again, I can just show him the history from the app. I can't take it, after all that he has done, that I will have to go through this confrontation, in which he will lie, deny, abuse, shame, and belittle me.
All the quarrels we had, because I was a bad, crazy unreasonable person-they all make sense now. All the nights I sat home alone because he was working...a city I moved to for his job opportunity...a place where I have no friends and no family...I left my beloved home and sat alone, and was insulted and berated for complaining. He has gotten worse and worse over the past few years. And now I know why.
The promises he made to her over the years are chickens coming home to roost. She is ready to buy the nice house in the country. Take real vacations, not just shacking up here and there in local hotels. Get the engagement ring she can't get because I'm in the way. Go to any bar or club she wants, instead of sneaking around.
What she doesn't know, and what I know now, is that she is not the first, nor even the third. What he doesn't understand is something I told him very clearly once, when we were arguing: people who know me, realize that when I stop crying, when I stop shouting, when I stop fighting, I get calm, I slow down, I say, "OK, that was the last time. There will be no more begging, crying, fighting. Next time, I'm walking away. Do you understand?" My friends know that this is when I mean business. But I'm dealing with someone who never got to know me well enough to understand this. He just said, "OK." Because he thinks that he is a made man after all these years of cheating.
She thinks she is in a win-win situation. Either she will get her man or she will ruin his life. This tiger mom (I asked her to explain the contradiction of being all about the kids and banging another woman's husband in their midst, but she dismissed this question as absurd.) and my amorous husband are going to chew one another's faces off when the shit hits the ceiling. I also know that when I put them together, he will turn on me for sneaking around, for spying on him, for not believing or trusting him, and you name it.
I cried for years and years. Right now I am calm. I am still. I am the eye of the storm. In college, I was a judo player. The first thing you learn in judo is how to fall. The second thing you learn is, never underestimate your opponent. The third thing you learn is that fighting means using your opponent's force against them. You don't use force. You use their force and merely direct it in different directions. The next thing you learn is, the person with the best technique always wins, because technique and patience win over force. I have come to realize that the quiet mind of judo is still with me and I have some damned good technique. After years of crying, I am busy setting up the dominoes so they all fall in a row. I am going to try and get the OW to set up a date with him in "their" restaurant, and hope that they sell t-shirts there, because I want a souvenir of the moment I took my life back and lost 182 unwanted pounds, all in one moment. Arigato.
68 comments posted: Saturday, August 21st, 2021