SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi all,

I have not posted in years, but do read often. When my life blew up, I got more support from this site than anywhere else, so I am reaching out to all of you again, as I face my worse fear.

For decades, I have struggled with hemorrhoids. They have gotten so bad! My life literally revolves around the condition of my butt and, at this point a "good" day would not be a good day to most people. I cannot perform at my job and will have to resign if I do not get this surgery. I am 4 years from full retirement.

I am scared. I have read so many horror stories about the pain involved in this recovery. I am lucky in that I have several months sick leave and good medical insurance.

I do think the damage to me was caused by my ex anally raping me, in my sleep multiple times. I am a very small person, and never did anal consensually. The times he did this, he was VERY hard, used no lube and basically attacked my butt. I cannot believe I fell for his excuses!

Anyway, I have to have this surgery or else, I will lose my job, my child's health insurance and my retirement. I am just SO scared!

Anyone here had this surgery? All I read on the hemmie board I found is atrocious and there isn't much activity.

I've been so anxious about this, I'm not sleeping or eating.

Please, if you have personal experience, good or bad, please share with me.

I don't have experience with this condition, but I wanted you to know I read your post and I'm thinking of you. It sounds like having this surgery is a no-brainer, and something that must be done and will ultimately improve your quality of life. Whatever discomfort you experience after the surgery, it will be temporary, and life on the other side will be so much better for you. Hang in there.

As far as the origins of your condition, it's possible you are correct. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that... But thrilled to hear that he is your ex. 😎 (Sounds a lot like mine by the way).

Things are slow here on the weekends. Especially holiday weekends. Please keep us posted on let us know how the surgery goes. I'll be thinking of you!

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 3:20 AM, Monday, September 6th]

I had a very similar surgery— fissurectomy. Not gonna lie, there was definitely postop pain. But I was given a topical cream that was a lifesaver. Ask about a mixture of Silvadene and lidocaine to use.

You will be glad once the surgery is done. You’ll be in my prayers.

Also no experience, but a short term of pain to get you to a healthier place is a smart trade-off. Having a daily reminder of your X violating you is a different kind of pain, and you’ll be able to put that in the past after the surgery.

Sending you mojo and hoping for a speedy recovery!

I am going to give it you straight.

It is a painful recovery. Your Dr should be a colorectal surgeon to do it, not a general surgeon. They should prescribe pain medications. Talk to your PCP as well and find out if you can't take anti-inflammatories. If you can alternate doses of NSAID with the pain meds.

Do you have a tub? If so ask if soaking in it is better than Sitz baths, If so use it. My guys wanted patients to soak in water as warm as you could stand it, and no magic potions or lotions. Sitz bath/tub soak after every BM. Look at getting a Tushy, it's an add on bidet for your toilet.

After about 2.5 weeks the pain does start to improve, and by 4-6 weeks most patients are happy they did it. But yes it is painful. No way around it, because of all the nerves down there.

Are you a candidate for rubber band ligation? That should be a lot less painful than cutting, or have I just drunk the marketing kool-aid?

Sisoon - there is major difference between ligation for internal hemm's and surgery to remove pain external, and it is not an option for external hemm's as they are full of nerves, more nerves than anywhere else in the body. Thus the reason it is so darned painful.

It is however a permanent solution.

Thank you for responding and I recognize each of you from years back.

I'm almost at the end of my rope and just want to get into bed. Today wasn't bad at all. Tomorrow, I have to start training my substitute and my work is REALLY pushing that I get this surgery. I want to try less invasive alternatives, honestly do not think they will work, but at least want to give it a try.

So scared to commit to the full hemmoriodectomy.. Hate that my work is forcing me to decide immediately.

Tushnurse, can you give me more insight? I usually have painful, small bm's every morning, that take hours and med's to resolve. Butt falls out every morning, but after a couple hours, retracts ( about 5-6 bm's every morning). At work, I usually have to visit the toilet 6-8 times daily, but it's mostly gas.

Is there any chance I can heal this with lifestyle changes? I am so scared of surgery.

I have a difficult job. I teach very young children that have significant behavior traits.

I am all over the place with this. I'm sorry. So scared.

Have you seen a colorectal surgeon?
Have you tried different things to have more complete fuller BM's?
Have you been evaluated by someone or are you just assuming this is what you need?
If you feel like your passing glass when you go? That sounds more like fissure than Roids being the issue. A surgeon can evaluate what is really going on and give you non-invasive options, or ideas on things to try.

My life literally revolves around the condition of my butt

I know you are very scared but you are living in pain daily anyway. Hopefully with the surgery, you will know your pain is a means to an end (ie healing)? It is much easier to live with pain if you know there is an end in sight. Right now it is just a never-ending, day-to-day nightmare for you.

I have ZILCH experience so I was so glad to see Tushie commenting! TushNurse - thank you again for all your do for us here!!!

I really just wanted to say that I am so sorry for what your ex did to you! What a horrible thing.

I hope you find relief soon!

the pain involved in this recovery.

Yep, there is definitely pain!

BUT, (no pun intended) it is so worth it!

My roids were due to childbirth. I lived with them for over 20 years. Doc finally convinced me that I should get it done then, as opposed to waiting, because, since they don't go away on their own, as you get older the recovery gets even worse. So I did.

It's been over 20 years so, like childbirth, the memory of pain has receded. I DO remember the fear of needing to go to the bathroom. the first few weeks are hell, BUT (again, no pun) like all healing it does get better each day. Just do all that you can to keep your BM's as soft as possible. If you do that you will then relax more and they won't be as painful.
For whatever reason one of mine did not heal so they cauterized it. Don't go there unless you have it. Although excruciating, the healing process really sped up after that.

Tush is right. Soaking in the bath is so good for healing. I spent so many hours in the bath (while home in recovery), and I would get hours of relief from it.

Once you recover you will never have to deal with them again. I sometimes remember what it was like before the surgery, and am thankful every day that I did it.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me and I will try to help ease some of your fears.

Tush, I have seen a colo-rectal surgeon. He seems very confident in his abilities. He admits that this is a VERY painful surgery, but thinks I have made it much more than needed. After 2 exams, he thinks the full on traditional excision is the only thing that will work, long term. He also stated that I am suffering, used to it and will feel so much better, once done. I am worried because I have liver disease, but he says the short term amount of med's won't cause problems.

I was told to stay off google ( did not), but when 999 out of 1000 posts depict horrendous experiences, it's scary. I have also come across some posts that say they were happy to have had the surgery and it was not as bad as anticipated. Maybe I will be lucky?

I don't know how to go back and see responses while I type this, so I am sorry if I miss your questions./

Had an emergency dental appt. today and was told pain in teeth was due to grinding/clenching teeth in sleep, so got a nightguard. Geeze, I am falling apart!

If I live through this, I will post to help others. I am literally scared out of any place i have ever been.

Thank you all for responding! Pray for me please!

Do you have your surgical date?

He admits that this is a VERY painful surgery, but thinks I have made it much more than needed.

I like your dr. I had a major surgery once and the dr told me because I was younger, my recovery would be quicker. Told me I could be back to work at 12 weeks. Well at 4 months, I was so upset because I was NO where near being able to return to work. My dr said "Well, I lied to you. Recovery is 2 years. If I would have told you that, you would not have opted for the surgery and you really had to choice...." WTH? So I am glad to see your dr is being very honest about what to expect. I was expecting to be back to work at 12 weeks and still had a hospital bed in my living room at six months out!

Keep us updated.

Sounds like you have a good CRS, so stick with him, and listen to him and do whatever they tell you to. Also with the liver concerns ask about pain medications without tylenol in them. They are out there, they also make them with anti-inflammatories, like a Advil/Narcotic blend. If you have any kidney issues they aren't ok, but if kidneys are ok this may be an option as well. They are not used as much.

My guys used to give the Rx for pain medications a week before surgery so you could get it filled and on hand, so after surgery you didn't need to go to the pharmacy, I don't know if that's even allowed anymore with crazy ass rules about opioids.

Also ask about something for anxiety, it sounds like you are wound tight, and the night time grinding and poop issues prove it. You may benefit from something to take the edge of and it may help your pain meds work better too.

still2suspicious are you glad you had this done? I am getting such conflictual information. Online, it seems like 98% of people regret this surgery and have horrible outcomes. My surgeon's office is much more optimistic. However, they have not been quick to return my phone calls since my intake appointment and have now canceled my surgery date. They will reschedule soon, but I am losing confidence. I want a doctor I can get get ahold of when needed.

I am scared to death. I have suffered so much pain from these hemorrhoids already, I cannot imagine the horrible pain post op if it is anything like I am reading about. On the other hand, I cannot remember when I have been fear free of these recurring, managing my life around them or dealing with an outbreak. It is a constant - ie how far is the parking spaced to the store/ how much walking will be required.

The only person I know in real life that had this procedure, is an older woman ( late 60's) and she is over 6 months from surgery and regrets it. She did develop a fissure and think some stenosis. I so want to talk to others that have had these issues!

I'm told this is a very common procedure, but am surprised that only s2s has chimed in as having it done. I am literally scared to death. Although not suicidal, I at times wish I would just die in my sleep, so I don't have to make this commitment. It doesn't help that I heard my students are not doing well, so I will be going into work tomorrow ( sore bum) on leave to see if I can help.

Please, if you have any experience, please give me guidance. I don't know how bad pain can get. I've been through some real pain with thrombosed/incarcerated hemmies, but from what I read, the surgery is MUCH MUCH worse.

t2B,

YES!!! I am so glad I did it. I knew it would be painful, hell we are talking your hinney, for goodness sake’s! 🤣🤣.

For me, it got to the point that the surgery was worth the risk. The thought of having to continuously going to the doc to (WARNING TMI) to have the roids pushed back in, for years, made my decision pretty easy.

TBH the first couple of weeks were not fun, in any way, BUT it then started to get better.

I, too, had fissures, which is where the cauterizing came in.

After 20 years I still am so thankful I did it when I did. I no longer think about them or my butt being sore, because it just isn’t.

I would be there to hold your hand, if I could, to let you know you WILL come thru this, and you WILL look back in the future and be glad you did it.

Sitz baths and soft cushions will be your friends for a few weeks,

Once you get it done, and recover, you won’t have to think about them again.

Isn’t that a great thought?