Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
Cut off my nose to spite my face

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 CutieCakes (original poster New Member #75917) posted at 9:02 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

That was the message he sent me. Now I'm full of self doubt. Not really sure why I posted this. My mind is racing. I can't seem to focus on anything at all. And yes, he ran straight to AP as I knew he would. That's about the only thing that gives me strength right now.....knowing I made the best decision.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2020
id 8687077
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EllieKMAS ( Member #68900) posted at 10:42 PM on Friday, September 3rd, 2021

Now I'm full of self doubt.

That's exactly what he intended.

That's about the only thing that gives me strength right now.....knowing I made the best decision.

Hold on to this. You know what you know and none of his words change what you KNOW is true for you.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3140   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8687085
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 2:39 AM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

What was he specifically referring to?

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687093
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ashesofkali ( Member #56327) posted at 4:49 AM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

I don't know your story, CutieCakes, but... I'm with EllieKMAS. You doubting yourself is exactly what he wanted. If he ran straight to AP, then you know you did the right thing when you cut him off. Stay strong. You got this.

I'm a fBW, 51, no kids. My xWH had a LTA. I chose D because he was never sorry. Life is way better on this side of infidelity.

posts: 123   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2016   ·   location: WA
id 8687103
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Blandy ( Member #79252) posted at 3:10 PM on Saturday, September 4th, 2021

No no.

You cut out the cancer to save your life.

posts: 58   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8687128
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Forks027 ( Member #59996) posted at 12:34 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

Cut off my nose to spite my face

You cut out the cancer to save your life.

Was that message supposed to refer to you or himself?

If it was about you, I agree with Blandy. You excised a tumor that was slowly killing you. If it was about him, his nose is quite far shoved up her and his own ass anyway.

Him making you doubt yourself honestly just enforces that you've made the right decision.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 12:50 AM, Sunday, September 5th]

posts: 259   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8687166
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 CutieCakes (original poster New Member #75917) posted at 1:04 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

The message was meant for me. He was saying I think I’m harming him but I’m causing myself more harm than what I believe I’m doing to him since he has someone to fall back on. He has even resorted to playing the same games as she did by using apps to message me since I blocked him. I literally have nothing else to say to him in life. He even sent me a picture of them….talk about knife to the heart!!!!! But I took the high road and did not respond. I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep it up though. I just keep reminding myself though that for him silence is golden.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2020
id 8687168
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Blandy ( Member #79252) posted at 1:08 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

If push comes to shove, can you change your phone number? Will that help? Stay strong, while it's pure shittiness on their part, he's just proving that he's an a-hole.

posts: 58   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8687169
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Forks027 ( Member #59996) posted at 1:17 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

He was saying I think I’m harming him but I’m causing myself more harm than what I believe I’m doing to him since he has someone to fall back on.

He has even resorted to playing the same games as she did by using apps to message me since I blocked him.

He even sent me a picture of them

Wow. Were you trying to harm him, lol? Even when you were generous enough to set him free, he still makes it about himself and still feels the need to sh!t on you. He's just being petty, resorting to childish tactics like that. Why is he even contacting you now that he's with his twu wuv anyway?

Stay strong on the NC.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 1:36 AM, Sunday, September 5th]

posts: 259   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8687170
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AnnieOakley ( Member #13332) posted at 2:53 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

Wow. I don’t know your full story but I would be really tempted to be keeping those messages about how he has someone to "fall back on" and send them to that person accordingly.

If you have children there are the apps for that type of communication where known emails/numbers are not visible. And I would consider changing you number as well, I realize that can be very time consuming…but you deserve the peace and quiet from his ridiculous circus.

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1681   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: NoCal
id 8687179
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Walkthestorm ( New Member #72157) posted at 5:50 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

What is he trying to accomplish here? Is he really thinking he was doing you a favour by staying with you? This man is delusional.

OP going completly NC and changing your number is in my opinion the best you can do. Your goal was to get out of infidelity and off the fence. Stick to the decision you made and trust that you will be ok, find peace and happiness again. There are hard times ahead but also greater rewards.

Let him get his ego stroked by his needy harrassong plan B and live in the illusion that he's 'the catch'.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8687196
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OwningItNow ( Member #52288) posted at 10:41 AM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

It seems you have finally separated from him after much debate? Good job. Does he have narcissistic tendencies? Narcissists attack emotionally and sometimes physically when they don't get what they want, consumed with hurting the person who denied them. It's so counterintuitive because they only push people further away, but they are so angry that someone has the audacity to deny them what they want that their fury overwhelms them. He certainly seems to be having a major tantrum over your decision. Crickets, crickets, crickets.

Be careful. I think a new phone number is definitely in order. Best wishes to you; your peace is on the horizon.

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5263   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8687202
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 6:27 PM on Sunday, September 5th, 2021

If you don’t respond do you think he will continue the one sided conversation?

He sounds very petty.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8687227
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 CutieCakes (original poster New Member #75917) posted at 5:36 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

Bad day today.....WH showed up to my job yesterday since I haven't said anything to him by phone or text. Claims he just needed to hear my voice and how sorry he is and how he plans to make it up to me. Saying all this while he continues to live with her. I just hate that he has this power over me. I was flooded with emotions seeing him and haven't been able to shake them. I just want the day to come that he no longer can impact my feelings. Even with him doing all this, I don't hate him but I want to sooo badly.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2020
id 8687729
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jadedangel ( Member #26979) posted at 5:59 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

I don't know what type of work environment you are in but if he ever shows back at your place of employment:

Call the police and have him removed.

Definitely talk with your manager/supervisor/boss about what is going on and what steps to protect you from him.

You have every right to ignore his texts/calls. He has NO right to harass you at your place of employment.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 637   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8687734
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13YearsR ( Member #58259) posted at 6:09 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

Make it up to me by leaving me alone, you insufferable cake-eater. Good GOD. He's a piece of work.

I think I'd send him a message and copy her on it saying "Do not come to my workplace again." Every time he contacts you, forward everything straight to the OW immediately. If he shows up in person again, record/film him and send it to her. That ought to put a stop to it. Or to them. Or both.

ETA: Jade has good advice, too.

[This message edited by 13YearsR at 6:11 PM, Thursday, September 9th]

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. ~ Gloria Steinem

DDay 2004 Successful R and going on 33 years married

posts: 438   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2017   ·   location: TX
id 8687739
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Walkthestorm ( New Member #72157) posted at 6:26 PM on Thursday, September 9th, 2021

'I just want the day to come that he no longer can impact my feelings.'


I am so sorry OP. Maintaining NC is hard as as, having him violate your boundry makes it much much harder. Staying NC and clearly communicating your boundries to him will in time lessen his emotional hold over you.

In your situation, your WH is a cakeeater who feeds of this tripode having two women want him. Now that one is letting go (you) it's a great loss to his ego hence the harrassment and showing up at your work. What he is also doing if feeding you doses of hopium in hopes to lure you back into the game.

Stay NC, tell him to leave if he shows up and firmly say that he is not someone who you want in your life anymore. File for divorce. Go do things that bring you joy. Meet with friends and family, go for a run or engage in hobbies. Go to therapy.Focus on healing and setting new goals for your new life.

Do not engage with him or the OW. Just leave them to it. The dynamic of their relationship dependens on your participation. Cut that thrid led of the tripode.

The nerve of this man gets me angry on your behalf. Playing mind games to suite his entitled ego is what he is doing.

posts: 28   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2019
id 8687743
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