No vanity ...my screen name is actually from my favorite online game.
AP is pregnant....divorce is not final
I can not begin to say I how I feel right now. I know we are on the path to divorce and I shouldn't be bothered by this since he will soon no longer be a concern of mine anyway. But I am so.....everything!!!! I have too many emotions to deal with all at once and I feel hopeless. WH actually thinks we can move forward and still R. What a joke!!!! I feel like such an idiot. The universe must really be mad at me as she is pouring it on thick. I hate what he has done.... I'm not sure I can recover. Can't control my tears enough to even make this post.
15 comments posted: Tuesday, September 28th, 2021
Cut off my nose to spite my face
That was the message he sent me. Now I'm full of self doubt. Not really sure why I posted this. My mind is racing. I can't seem to focus on anything at all. And yes, he ran straight to AP as I knew he would. That's about the only thing that gives me strength right now.....knowing I made the best decision.
18 comments posted: Friday, September 3rd, 2021
Tired of me lying to me
I'm truly amazed at how everyone here is different yet the same. It's like I can read the stories and replies and relate to everything.
I think what I have determined is that cheating is indeed a dealbreaker for me. It takes so much time and energy to lie to yourself when in the end the lies you tell to protect you also destroy you. WH has been trying to do everything right but I can't seem to let go. IC has been helpful so far but I'm beginning to see that as much as I hate to lose, I'm not winning with him either (which makes me a loser technically). I have exactly 2 weeks to lie to myself as we are in the process of taking our students back to college and I would like for that time to be as cordial as possible. However, on the road trip back I will be letting him know that I can't continue like this. I'm broken Humpty Dumpty style and all of his efforts and attempts just don't seem to be enough to put this marriage back together again. I can't remember the person who posted this but I swear when I read it - my light bulb moment. "You are mopping the Titantic, that ship is going down" Probably shouldn't have used quotes as I'm sure I did not get it exactly right . Guess I'll be moving into another forum - R was not for me. And as much as I hate that we are ending, I can't imagine spending more years dealing with this pain. The thought of starting over terrifies me but the thought of continuing this lie is even more scarier. And even now, she continues to text. She wins!!!! I wish them a happy life together
19 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021
AP still messages him
So over the weekend, AP decided to message him several times. She knows we are together and I think she wanted some attention. I didn't respond and neither did he. One of the messages came through when he was not at his phone, so I quickly read it and deleted it. It has been like 6 months of no contact and yet she still messages him confessing her love and how much she misses him . That has also been my struggle. I feel she is truly being genuine and he feels the same way too but is too cowardly to speak on it. I feel she is his better match and I should let go. Even though we are in R, I still am unsettled by everything. Will these feelings ever leave? Should I let go? I am still bothered by her constant contact with him but I don't want him to contact her to stop....weird right?
I'm so confused all the time and at this point I think I should let go just to have my peace.
19 comments posted: Monday, March 8th, 2021