I have learned a long time ago that when we fight, my husband will always win because he will say anything to sting....
Well we were talking about it last night and it immediately turned in to a huge fight. How he never gets to do anything and that its been 4 years (3 in june) and I should be over it and if this is how its going to be we need to get a divorce. That he cant do it....
This went on for probably an hour. Hes yelling. Telling me that he would be worried about the kids with me if we got divorced. Stuff he says like that just makes me so uncomfortable. I know he is just saying stuff to hurt me and that just bothers me on a whole other level.
At the end of the day my husband thinks his A should no longer be an issue for me. That i shouldnt be uncomfortable with him going out, even though where they usually want to go is the same place he used to "bump into" OW at....
I know what needs to happen. Im just so tired, I dont think i even have the willpower to do anything about it. When we fight like that it lingers for so long and its so draining
So this is what has been happening. I've tried to concentrate the pertinent parts.
Reread it again.
This is not ok. That's an understatement.
This is emotionally abusive.
The affair was emotionally abusive, but your WH is doubling down on the abuse by escalating arguments to yelling and intentionally saying mean and cutting things.
You say you're drained? Of course you are. You are being emotionally beaten down on a regular basis...but you won't feel less drained by continuing this cycle.
Hear that clearly: You will continue to be drained.
If nothing changes, you won't feel better.
You will only feel better by taking action.
You are at your mom's or moving their soon, yes?
This is a good time to change your situation. He should move out. Let you and the kids stay with your mom. Get your degree. Do it for you and for your kids.
This is not a healthy environment for you or your kids. They are seeing emotional abuse modeled on a regular basis. That is not what you want imprinted on them, not what you want them to see as "normal." Not what you want them to do to others or to accept as treatment by others.
Please choose you, and your kids, and a bumpy road for now...but with a brighter future ahead.
The bumpy road you are on doesn't have a brighter destination...just more of the same you're already experiencing.